


And Baby Makes Four

by HiddenTreasures



Series: Perfectly Matched [4]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Baby Fic, Childbirth, F/M, Family, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, Postpartum Depression, Pregnancy, Romance, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-02 02:21:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 53,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11499744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenTreasures/pseuds/HiddenTreasures
Summary: The love Rose and James share expands to include one more as they add another baby to their family.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was beta-ed by the fantastic chocolatequeen!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose begin trying for another baby, and eventually get pregnant with another baby.

“So… Remember the conversation we had after Ainsley’s birthday party?” James murmured against her skin as the sweat cooled and their hearts slowed back to normal.

“Mmm.”

James snorted softly and pressed a parting kiss to her breast before he rolled off of her.

“Was that a yes or a no?” he teased, opening his arms for her as she nuzzled her way into his chest.

“Mmm.”

James laughed and gave her a squeeze. God, he loved this woman.

“You should know better than to try and have a conversation with me right after a good shag,” Rose mumbled into his chest.

“Was that a good shag?” he asked lightly.

“Oh, shut up, you know it was,” Rose said.

James giggled, the lingering endorphins making him feel happy, warm, and giddy.

“Right, what were you trying to say?” Rose asked, turning slightly so her head was on his shoulder.

She rested her hand on his chest and slowly rubbed her fingertips through his sparse smattering of chest hair. The motion lulled him into peacefulness, and he blinked heavily to keep from tugging her close and falling asleep.

“The conversation you and I had after Ainsley’s birthday party,” he prompted. “Do you remember it?”

“The one where we decided to try and expand our family?” Rose asked.

“That’s the one,” he said. James swallowed thickly. “It occurred to me that it has been a month and a half, and we still haven’t tried for a baby.”

“We’ve been shagging regularly without a condom,” Rose pointed out. “Doesn’t that constitute as trying?”

“I suppose. But we haven’t exactly been intentional with our shags,” James said. “We just go where the mood takes us. I haven’t been keeping track of your ovulation cycle, and I don’t think you have either. And we haven’t exactly been eating healthily this holiday season. And end of term stress was high for me. And—”

“James, what are you getting at?” Rose asked.

“Well, I was just wondering if you still, y’know, wanted to…” He trailed off awkwardly and stared resolutely at the ceiling.

“James, look at me.”

Never able to resist that command, James turned his head and looked at his wife.

“I still want to try for a baby,” she said softly. “Do you?”

“Yeah,” he whispered immediately.

“All right, then,” Rose said, nodding decisively. “New Year’s Resolution: start seriously trying for a baby?”

“Yeah. Yeah, agreed.”

Rose returned her head to his chest and cuddled close to him as he stroked his fingers through her hair.

“I-I was worried maybe you’d gotten cold feet,” he admitted. “And didn’t know how to tell me.”

“Nope,” Rose said. “Just been busy, like you said. I definitely want another baby with you. Yeah, there are days I panic and think one is enough. Like when Ainsley tried to flush a dirty nappy down the toilet and backed up the plumbing. Or whenever she throws a fit in public. But then there are the moments when she snuggles with us in bed or cries for one more bedtime story because she doesn’t want us to leave yet or she picks a flower for us, and I want about a million babies.”

“A million?” James asked, grinning. “Well, let’s stick to two, for now, then we can talk about more later.”

“Fair enough.” Rose groaned as she arched her back in a stretch, and she nuzzled even closer to him, ready to drift off to sleep. “Happy anniversary, James.”

“Happy anniversary, Rose.”

oOoOo

True to their resolution, James and Rose started working towards another conception. They both began using the period tracker app again, and they made a point to eat healthy and get enough sleep—well, as much sleep as they could, with a toddler in the house.

The winter gradually turned into spring, and there was still no hint of an impending baby.

“D’you think something’s wrong?” Rose asked James one night. She was laying on the couch with her head in his lap and a heating pad on her abdomen, dealing with the monthly reminder that they weren’t pregnant.

“Wrong?” he asked, looking down at her from the crossword puzzle he was finishing.

“Yeah. D’you think there’s a reason we’re not getting pregnant?”

“Rose, love, it’s only been four months,” James said softly, setting his puzzle to the side. He stroked his fingers through her hair and said, “These things can take time. You know that.”

“Didn’t take any time last time,” Rose mumbled, closing her eyes and relaxing into his touch.

“Well, we were spoiled by that,” James said. “Please don’t get discouraged. We’ve still got time. If by the Christmas holidays it hasn’t happened yet, we can go to the doctor’s to make sure things are all right for us both.”

“The Christmas holidays?” Rose spluttered.

“It’ll have been a year, then,” James said patiently. “Besides, most doctors won’t call it fertility problems until a couple has been trying for a year or more.”

“I know,” Rose murmured. “I just… I want to be pregnant, James. I want another baby. I want to be a mum again and to give you another child and to give Ainsley a sibling.”

“I know you do,” he whispered. “I want that too, love. But don’t put that pressure on yourself. This isn’t all down to you. I think I’m a pretty important contributor, eh?”

Rose chuckled as he wiggled his eyebrows at her, and she reached for the hand that wasn’t playing with her hair.

“I love you,” she murmured.

“I love you, too.”

But as springtime waned into hints of summer, James was finding it harder to stay positive. He knew five months was hardly any time at all, regarding pregnancy, but he really wanted another baby.

He couldn’t tell Rose how much it was bothering him that they weren’t pregnant yet, not when he was constantly reminding her to not worry about it and that they still had plenty of time to conceive a baby and that it would eventually happen.

But he couldn’t deny their failures were weighing on him.

“Everything all right, mate?” Robert asked as he played his latest move in their game of Scrabble.

“Hmm? Oh, sure. Yeah. Why?”

Robert raised an eyebrow, and James sighed and dropped his gaze to his own tile rack, where a string of vowels greeted him. He’d gone to visit his dad while Rose, Ainsley, and Jackie went on a shopping trip, and he had hoped to get advice from his dad, but James knew there was really no advice to be given on this, except to be patient. But he was sick of being patient.

“Rose and I have decided to try for another baby,” he said softly, arranging the tiles alphabetically.

“That’s great,” Robert said, smiling.

James shook his head. “We decided that six months ago. Still nothing.”

Robert’s face pinched in sympathy. “These things take time, you know. Your mum and I…”

“Yes, I know,” James said shortly. “You were trying for five years and lost three pregnancies, so it could be worse and we should be thankful to already have Ainsley.”

“That’s actually not what I was going to say,” Robert said coolly, leveling James with a hard look.

James felt the tips of his ears heat up. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“What I was going to say was that your mum and I never stopped trying, despite all of our failures. Yes, it was hard, and it was heartbreaking, but then one day it all paid off,” Robert said. “I know it’s frustrating and disappointing—believe me, I know—and I know you both are probably wondering if it’s something wrong with you. But James, mate, as you said, it’s only been six months. Yes, it’s longer than you’d like, but give it a bit more time. Things will work out all right in the end.”

“But what if they don’t?” James asked. “What if we never get pregnant?”

“Then you and Rose can discuss that if the time comes,” Robert said simply. “You could look into other options, if you both want more kids that badly. But try not to worry too much about it, James. Things will happen in their own time. Have you spoken to Rose about how upset you are?”

“I’m not upset, per se,” James said. “Just frustrated. And no, because she’s frustrated too, but I keep telling her not to worry and that it’ll happen.”

“Time to heed your own advice, I think,” Robert said with a smile. “Easier said than done, I know. But I have hope for you and Rose that everything will turn out all right.”

James nodded and then said, “My tiles are all rubbish. D’you have a consonant I could have? You can take your pick of vowels.”

Robert laughed and said, “I’ve got a ‘T’ you can have if you give me a ‘U’?”

“Oh, no, you’ve got the ‘Q’, haven’t you?”

“Do you want a consonant or not?” Robert asked sweetly.

James rolled his eyes and looked at the board, where the word ‘long’ had already been played. He stuck two of his three ‘O’s in front of the word.

“Ha! Seven!” James scribbled down his points and tallied the score; he was losing miserably to his father. He then stuck his hand into the velvet bag of letters for new tiles. “If I get any more vowels, I’m turning them back.”

oOoOo

James’s conversation with his dad helped calm his fraying nerves. Robert was right; he and Rose still had plenty of time to conceive another baby. They were both young and healthy; he had to believe it would happen in its own time.

He was soon overcome with end of term madness, and hardly had any time to worry about the lack of pregnancy. His students were constantly emailing him and showing up to his office hours for last-minute help, but then finally all of his exams were given and graded, and he was free, save for the one summer class he taught.

He loved summertime. It was far less hectic than any other season, and he spent his extra free time with his wife and daughter. They took long weekends as often as they could, and they frequently visited the beach, where James made sure to thoroughly slather on sunscreen so as not to have a repeat performance of the dreadful sunburn he had gotten the summer before.

James and Rose had taken several private weekends away together, too. While they absolutely adored vacations with their daughter, it was nice to have alone time and not have to worry about little eyes and ears seeing and hearing things they shouldn’t. Those trips always left them feeling refreshed, exhilarated, and giddy.

After one of their private weekends away, James was due to give the midterm exam of the summer session. Rose cooked him his favorite dinner that night as he shut himself in the home office to get grades in, and after supper, she had an even bigger surprise waiting for him.

“I got a new photo album while I was out today,” Rose said as they walked back to the living room after putting Ainsley to bed.

“Ainsley’s album isn’t full already, is it?” James asked, his eyes widening. He knew they took a generous number of photos of their daughter, but the last he looked, there were plenty of pages to go in the current baby book.

“Oh, this one isn’t for Ainsley,” Rose said, and James narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the note of excitement in her voice. “Anyways, I took the liberty and started adding to it.”

James opened up the book, and saw three things tucked inside the book that made his throat swell shut. The first was a photo of Rose standing sideways from the camera with her shirt tugged up to reveal her flat belly, and underneath she’d written “five(ish) weeks”. The second was a painting of a pair of hands cradling a swollen belly, and the words “And baby makes four” were painted across the stomach. The third was a thin piece of plastic: a positive pregnancy test.

James’s ears were ringing as he stared down at the book unseeingly. A baby. They’d finally made a baby.

“Oh, Rose,” he rasped, setting the book down on the coffee table before he curled into Rose’s side and held her. He was going to be a dad to another little person. “We made a baby!”

“We made a baby,” she confirmed softly, reverent awe coloring her tone.

“When did you find out?” he asked.

“Just this morning,” she answered. “My day off wasn’t much of a day off. I went into the office so Penny could help me with the photo, then to paint the picture for you.”

James giggled high in his throat as he hugged her tighter, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry or both. After seven months, they finally succeeded.

“I’m so happy,” he whispered, pressing kisses along her collarbone.

“Me too,” Rose sighed, tilting her head to the side as he kissed the join of her neck and shoulder. “I was half tempted to burst into your lecture this morning to tell you the news.”

“You could’ve,” he said, letting his lips and tongue taste more of her as he nudged aside the collar of her shirt.

“I wanted to be a little more creative than interrupting you at work,” Rose said dryly. “Especially during an exam.”

James hummed against her skin and started sucking more boldly at her neck as his fingertips stroked her upper thigh. He rested his hands on her hips and tugged, urging her to straddle his lap.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as she caught his lips in a kiss. He hummed into her lips as she leisurely explored his mouth with her tongue while he stuck his hands down the back of her jeans and massaged her arse, feeling overjoyed and overwhelmed with love for his wife and family.

Later, they moved from the couch and to their bedroom to clean up and get themselves ready for bed.

But when James stepped into their en suite, he stopped short.

“Blimey, did you buy out the entire shop?”

Rose poked her head into the en suite to see what caught his attention, and she laughed when she saw her husband gawping at the six other positive pregnancy tests on the counter.

“Wanted to be thorough, is all,” Rose said, stepping up behind him to wrap her arms around his waist. She scraped her teeth across his back and laved her tongue across the mole between his shoulder blades as she let her hands wander. “M’always thorough, if I do say so myself.”

“That you are,” he sighed, his head tipping back in pleasure as she took his soft cock in her hand and coaxed it to life under her gentle touch.

“Efficient, too,” she murmured, smirking against his skin as she felt him hardening in her hand. “Speaking of efficiency, care to share a shower with me, my love?”

“There’s nothing I’d like more,” he growled, spinning in her arms to press a hard kiss to her lips.

The following morning, Rose awoke slowly to the feeling of fingertips tracing across her bare stomach. She let her eyes flutter open, and she blinked a few times to clear her vision and then saw James curled up on his side with his head on the edge of her pillow as his hand covered her stomach.

“Morning,” she whispered, pecking a kiss to his forehead.

“Morning,” he replied, scooting closer to her to drape his body across hers now that she was awake.

Rose opened her arms for him as he nuzzled his cheek into her shoulder and threw a leg across hers and continued mindlessly tracing patterns across her belly. Happiness flared deep inside her when she saw how peaceful James looked. She hadn’t noticed how tense he had become these last several months, but now that all traces of his tension and frustration were gone, she realized it had been ages since he’d looked this young.

“I love you,” she whispered, carding her fingers through his hair as she pressed lazy kisses to his forehead.

“I love you, too,” he said, turning his head to brush his lips across the swell of her breast. “You and Ainsley and our new baby.”

“How soon should we break the news to Ainsley, do you think?” Rose asked. “We waited a long time before announcing our pregnancy last time… If we do that again, we’d have to keep it a secret from her for another couple of months.”

“Yeah, and she’s bound to pick up that something’s changed,” James mused softly. “She’s such a perceptive child.”

“Mhm,” Rose said. “Speaking of perceiving… she ought to be up soon.”

As if the very words alone conjured her, they heard a soft tapping of knuckles against their bedroom door.

“So… do we tell her now? Or wait?” James asked, moving so they could let their daughter into their room.

“Let’s… let’s wait,” Rose said hesitantly. “Like we did last time. Wait until we’re sure the pregnancy is established. But if she notices something or explicitly asks, we tell her?”

“Sounds good,” James said.

They heard another series of rapping on the door and a quiet whisper of, “Mummy? Daddy?”

“You can come in, darling,” James said, opening the door. Ainsley was standing in just her nappy, and was bouncing excitedly on her toes.

“Daddy!” she squealed, beaming up at him.

James grinned down at her and scooped her up into his arms. God, he loved his daughter, and soon, he would have another daughter or a son to love and care for.

oOoOo

The rest of the summer passed without much excitement, though James and Rose were dying to tell their daughter about their good news. It was easier to keep the secret when they found that, much like the last pregnancy, Rose was hardly experiencing any symptoms. There were a few mornings she felt nauseated, but it thankfully wasn’t severe enough to cause vomiting.

Similarly to her last pregnancy, though, she became a picky eater. However, unlike her last pregnancy, where James made sure to keep a constant stock of bananas in the house for her, Rose couldn’t stand the fruit. The smell alone was enough to turn her stomach, and she nearly gagged one morning when James tried to kiss her after having eaten one.

He apologized profusely, and after he thoroughly brushed his teeth, Rose watched him dump the entire bunch into the trash.

“You don’t have to do that,” Rose protested.

James turned back around and stepped up to her to peck a kiss to her forehead.

“It’s no problem,” he said. “I love bananas, yes, but I love kissing you more. And I’d rather you not gag and pull away at my kisses. I’ll start to get self conscious.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Oh, shut up. You know you’re a great kisser.”

James preened at the compliment, and as though to show her just how good a kisser he really was, he bent down and pressed a long, smacking kiss to her lips.

The beginning of the new semester brought with it the end of the first trimester of Rose’s pregnancy, and they were relieved and excited when their obstetrician told them everything looked absolutely perfect with their baby.

“I can give you my tentative guess on the sex,” Doctor Ashwood said, rolling her ultrasound probe over the small bump between Rose’s hips. “But your baby isn’t in the most helpful of positions at the moment.”

“Then let’s hold off,” Rose said, glancing up at James to make sure he was in agreement.

His eyes were glued to the screen showing their baby, but he nodded mindlessly and said, “Yeah, sure, sounds good.”

Rose smiled at her daft soulmate, and they left the clinic later that afternoon with a fresh ultrasound photo in their wallets, and a feeling of excitement at the prospect of finally being able to tell Ainsley and their family and friends about their good news.

They picked Ainsley up early from daycare, much to her delight, and they walked to get what would probably be their last ice cream of the season, now that autumn was on the horizon. James and Rose each got a different sundae, and shared it with their daughter until they were all full and hyped up on sugar.

When they got home later that afternoon, there was a buzz of excitement between Rose and James, and Ainsley seemed to pick up on it, because she was in a much bubblier mood than normal.

“Ainsley, darling, Mummy and I have something to show you,” James said after glancing over at Rose to get her approval. “C’mere.”

James and Rose sat on the sofa, and James pulled Ainsley into his lap as Rose took out their latest ultrasound photo from her purse.

“What’s that?” Ainsley asked curiously, leaning over to see what her mum had in her hands.

“It’s a picture of your new little brother or sister,” Rose said, scooting over until her thigh was pressed tight against James’s. “It’s a baby. You’re going to be a big sister, sweetheart. Isn’t that exciting?”

Ainsley looked less than impressed, as she took the photo and blinked at it.

“Not baby,” she proclaimed.

“What do you mean, ‘not baby’?” James asked, stifling a laugh as he stroked his fingers through her hair.

“Not baby,” Ainsley repeated. She paused for a moment, then said, “Jellybean! Biiiiig jellybean.”

James and Rose broke out in peals of laughter, then Rose turned slightly and lifted up her shirt to reveal her small baby bump.

“I assure you, sweetheart, there is definitely a baby growing in here,” Rose said, holding out her hand for Ainsley’s. She took her daughter’s hand and rested it on her belly as she tried to think of a comparison to draw to help Ainsley understand.

“Remember the movie  _The Emperor’s New Groove_?” James said suddenly, resting his hand reverently on Rose’s belly next to Ainsley’s. “Remember how Pacha and Chicha have two kids, and Chicha is pregnant and then they have three kids? Or Princess Merida, and her three little brothers. It’s the same idea, darling. Mummy is pregnant, and next spring—around March twenty-fifth—we’ll have another baby, and you’ll be a big sister.”

Ainsley regarded them for a few moments, then looked down at Rose’s belly.

“Three brothers?” she asked warily.

“Oh, no, sweetheart, just one,” Rose assured. “And it might not be a brother. It could be a sister. Like Lilo and Nani, or Anna and Elsa.”

“Why?” Ainsley asked, pulling her hand away and leaning back against James.

“Why what?” James asked.

“Why baby?” she asked.

James glanced at Rose over the top of Ainsley’s head, unsure of their daughter’s question, or of how to answer it.

“Well, Mummy and I wanted another baby,” he said slowly. “And to give you a sibling to play with and love forever.”

“Other baby?” she asked, and James was alarmed to hear her little voice break.

“What’s the matter, darling?” he asked, spinning her on his lap to look at her.

“Love baby,” she whimpered, her lower lip quivering. “Still love Ainsley? Please?”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Rose gasped as James lifted Ainsley for a tight hug.

“We will  _always_  love you,” James whispered fiercely, rubbing his hand up and down Ainsley’s back as she clung to him. “You hear me? Always. Having a new baby won’t change that. Ainsley, do you understand?

Ainsley pulled back to look at him, and she rubbed her arm across her nose.

“Always love Ainsley,” she repeated, leaning forward until her forehead was pressed against James’s.

“That’s right,” he said, nuzzling his nose against hers. “Mummy and I will always love our Ainsley. We love you so much, darling. So, so much. Nothing will ever change that.”

“Love you,” Ainsley replied, pressing a sloppy kiss to his lips. “Watch  _Frozen_? Please?”

James groaned as Ainsley blinked up at him with those big blue eyes he could never say no to.

“Oh, all right,” he said with a long-suffering sigh. “Go on and find it for me.”

Ainsley beamed and jumped off his lap to run to the cabinet that contained all of their DVDs.

“This is your fault,” James grumbled as he watched Ainsley search for the film. “If you hadn’t mentioned Anna and Elsa, we could be watching a  _good_  Disney film.”

Rose smirked at him, even as she tried to hide her distaste for the film their daughter wanted to watch.

oOoOo

They took a couple weeks to let Ainsley adjust to the idea of there being a new baby on the way before telling anyone else about the pregnancy. And as it turned out, they weren’t even the ones to tell Jackie and Robert about the new baby.

“What have you got there, Ainsley?” Robert asked, crouching down next to his granddaughter as she talked to herself while she colored.

“Drawing,” she said, setting down the yellow crayon before picking up the brown one.

“It’s lovely,” Jackie said, settling down on Ainsley’s other side. “Do you want to tell us what you’re drawing?”

“Mummy and Daddy,” Ainsley narrated as she pointed to each amorphous blob. “Ainsley and baby.”

“And baby?” Jackie asked, furrowing her brow, before she shrieked, “And baby! Oh my God!”

Ainsley jumped at her gran’s loud shout and looked around, alarmed.

“What’s wrong?” James asked, poking his head into the living room to see what the fuss was about.

“Ainsley said ‘and baby’! You’re pregnant?!” Jackie shrieked again.

“Ehm, surprise?” James said meekly, even though he was grinning widely.

“You plum! How long have you known?” Jackie asked, pushing herself up off the floor to harass James and Rose.

“Since the end of July,” Rose answered, rooting through her purse for the latest ultrasound photo to show her mother.

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” Jackie exclaimed. “Congratulations! When are you due?”

“End of March,” James answered, lifting Ainsley up when she wandered into the kitchen to see what the adults were talking about.

“Oh, aren’t you so excited, Ainsley?” Jackie cooed, tickling Ainsley’s neck as she passed the sonogram to Robert. “You’ll have a little brother or sister to play with!”

“Little sister,” Ainsley said firmly.

“Oh! It’s a girl!” Jackie squealed.

“No, no. We’re not sure yet,” James admitted. “But Ainsley’s convinced she’s getting a little sister. Not sure what’ll happen if it’s a boy.”

“A girl,” Ainsley said, touching James’s face. “Daddy. S’a girl.”

James smiled indulgently and pecked a kiss to Ainsley’s forehead.

“Ah, she’ll come around if it’s not a girl,” Robert said, handing the sonogram back to Rose. “Congratulations, darling. This is excellent news!”

“Thanks, Dad,” Rose said, opening her arms for a hug.

“I’m so happy for you,” he murmured into her ear, giving her a tight squeeze. “I told James it would happen it its own time.”

Rose grinned into his shirt and held him for another moment before letting him go.

“Well, now that Ainsley spilled the beans prematurely,” Rose said, winking at her daughter, “let’s go out to lunch?”

They spent the day celebrating with their parents, and afterwards, when they put Ainsley to bed that evening, they snuggled up on the sofa with their respective iPads to begin planning for their new baby. Rose was looking up ideas for how to paint the bedroom that would become the nursery while occasionally flipping through lists of baby names; James was rereading all of the facts about the size of their baby and its rate of growth inside Rose, despite still remembering most of it from when they were pregnant with Ainsley.

But just as he flipped to an article warning parents about potential sibling rivalries, Rose interrupted him.

“So, I’ve been thinking…”

James looked up as Rose trailed off nervously.

“About?” he prompted.

“Giving birth.”

James quirked an eyebrow and set his tablet to the side.

“Already? Love, we don’t have to worry about that for another six months,” he said gently.

“I know. But… what do you think about the idea of a home birth?” she blurted out.

James blinked at her for a moment.

“Excuse me?” he asked, sure he’d heard her wrong.

“A home birth,” Rose said again.

“No,” he said flatly.

Rose frowned. “Just like that? ‘No’? We’re not even going to discuss it?”

“What’s there to discuss?” James asked. “I don’t want you giving birth anywhere other than in a medical facility with trained medical staff on hand. This is non-negotiable, Rose.”

“Midwives are trained to deliver babies, you know,” Rose huffed, beginning to get irritated with him.  _What on earth is his problem?_

“Our home is not an appropriate medical facility,” James said through clenched teeth.

“It’s not like we’re talking about surgery, here,” Rose said hotly. “It’s just delivering a baby!”

“And what if something goes wrong?” James shouted. “Eh? What then? We are a fifteen minute drive from the hospital, Rose. What if you or our baby need emergency medical assistance? Fifteen minutes might be too late! I won’t put you or our baby in that kind of danger. I can’t. I  _can’t_.”

Understanding dawned on Rose, and with it came guilt. She should have realized…

She reached out and touched his thigh.

“James, look at me, love,” she commanded softly as he glared at the coffee table.

He slowly raised his head, and Rose saw the utter fear in his face.

“I’m sorry,” Rose murmured, scooting closer until her thigh was pressed against his. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize where your reluctance was coming from.”

“You giving birth to our child involves two of the most important people in my life,” he murmured, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “If something goes wrong… If I lost you… Or the baby… God, or-or  _both_  of you...”

Rose reached up and cradled his head against her neck and stroked her fingers through his hair.

“You won’t,” Rose assured. “Hundreds of thousands of women give birth safely every day.”

“Some women still die from giving birth,” James countered. “I will not gamble with your safety, Rose. Please don’t ask me to.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Rose answered. “But… don’t you think it would be nice for us to be able to labor and deliver in the comfort of our home? Last time, with Ainsley, I was being poked and prodded and examined and bothered every few minutes, it seemed.”

“You were in labor five weeks early,” he pointed out.

“All my mates tell me that’s normal, even for a completely problem-free labor,” Rose argued. “I don’t want to feel like a lab rat, James. I want to be as comfortable as possible, and there is nowhere I feel more comfortable at than in our home, with you.”

James sighed.

“Can you at least promise to think about it?” Rose asked, rubbing her hand along his thigh. “Please? For me? And I promise, James, I  _promise_  that if my doctor at any point tells me that it would be a risk to give birth anywhere other than a hospital, I’ll drop the idea.”

James nuzzled the top of her head.

“Okay,” he whispered, kissing her hair. “Yeah, okay. Let me think about it and look into it more.”

“Thank you.”

oOoOo

“All right, it looks like your baby is in a much better position this time,” Doctor Ashwood said, rolling her wand around Rose’s stomach. “Do you still want to know the gender of your baby?”

“Yes, please,” James and Rose said in unison.

They waited with bated breath as they watched the screen and listened to the strong, healthy heartbeat of their baby. Doctor Ashwood pressed a few keys on her computer, and the picture froze.

“Congratulations,” the doctor said, smiling. “You’re having another girl!”

James smiled down at Rose, his heart full to bursting. He was getting another beautiful little girl!

He leaned down and caught her lips in a chaste kiss as the doctor printed out new sonogram photos for them and wiped the gel off of Rose’s stomach.

“Ainsley is going to be thrilled,” James murmured against her mouth.

“Yeah she is,” Rose agreed, standing up from the exam table. They accepted the newest photo of their baby—their  _daughter!_ —and walked out of the clinic, hand in hand.

James had to go back into work for a few hours—“Damn faculty meetings,” he grumbled—so Rose left to pick up Ainsley.

“Ainsley, do you want to know if you’re having a little brother or sister?” Rose asked when they got home from from the daycare.

“A sister,” Ainsley answered gravely. “Mummy, want a sister.”

“Well, you’re in luck,” Rose said with a grin. “The baby is a girl. You’re getting your little sister. Isn’t that exciting?”

“Little sister,” Ainsley said happily, stepping up to Rose. She rested her hands on Rose’s baby bump, and looked up at her mum. “My sister.”

“Yep, your sister,” Rose answered, brushing Ainsley’s hair out of her eyes. “You’re going to be a great big sister, you know. I love you so much, Ainsley.”

“Love you, Mummy.” Then Ainsley rested her head on Rose’s belly and whispered, “Love you, sister.”

Rose’s eyes stung with tears, and she sniffed as she stroked her fingers through Ainsley’s soft hair. At the sound, Ainsley looked up and her little brows furrowed.

“Mummy sad?” she asked.

“No, sweetheart,” Rose said, picking Ainsley up for a hug. “I’m just so happy. And I love you so much. Are you happy to be getting a little sister?”

“Mhm,” Ainsley said, nodding. “Wanna play?”

“Yeah, sweetheart, I do,” Rose said, crawling onto the floor with Ainsley to help her daughter build the tallest block tower she could.

The next several weeks passed uneventfully. They slowly started stocking up on nappies and wipes for the baby, but they’d kept all of Ainsley’s baby things, so there wasn’t much for them to buy.

The weather quickly grew cold and damp, and it seemed that it rained every day in October. Except for James’s birthday: the clouds broke and the sun seemed to shine just for him.

“Did you have a nice birthday?” Rose asked as she loaded the dishwasher from the dinner they’d shared with Robert and Jackie.

“Yep! It’s always a good day when I can spend it with my family,” he said brightly. “You know that.”

He watched her for a few moments as she put the detergent pod into the dishwasher and started the cycle. She was utterly stunning. She was sporting a definitive baby bump, and every time he looked at it or touched it, James went giddy with happiness. They were just about at the halfway mark of the pregnancy, and James could hardly wait for the arrival of their daughter.

“So, I’ve been thinking a lot about your idea of you giving birth here in our home,” James said, taking her hand in his to walk them to the living room.

Rose sat down on the sofa and angled herself towards him, giving him her full attention. She had been wondering if she should bring up the conversation again. On one hand, she knew James liked to be thorough in his research; on the other, she knew he often avoided topics that made him anxious, and so she hadn’t known if he was still looking into home births or if he had been ignoring it in hopes she would let the idea die.

“Just a general recommendation, don’t go onto those parenting blogs and read the horror stories that come from home births,” he said lightly, taking her hand in his.

“Yeah, I’ve stopped reading those types of blogs,” Rose said with a grimace, recalling the many tragic stories that she couldn’t believe people posted on the internet for the public to read.

She then felt a swell of disappointment; she knew James’s penchant for fixating on everything that could go wrong, and she knew that him reading about the negative experiences others had had with home births had probably turned him off of the idea completely.

“But there are loads of positive ones, too,” he said, mindlessly spinning her wedding and engagement rings around her finger. Rose looked down at their hands; before too long, her fingers would be too swollen to continue wearing her rings; she could already feel the metal pressing slightly into her skin. “And there are loads of really great midwives in our area. There’s this one I saw… It’s a birthing center that has a direct connection to the hospital. They’re about twenty minutes away, and had some of the best reviews online. They have a ‘round the clock emergency on-call staff. And their midwives are trained to even give prenatal care, so we could let the midwife start being part of the pregnancy so we could all become comfortable with each other.”

“James, are you trying to say what I think you’re trying to say?” Rose asked excitedly, barely daring to hope.

“I’m trying to say that I think we should check out this facility,” he said, finally looking at her. “To get all the facts, you know. They’ve got free first-visit consultations for the clinic, as well as for first interviews of the midwives. I’m still bloody terrified, Rose. But the thought of us being able to stay in our home for the birth and recovery… I can’t deny that it sounds appealing. Hospital food is atrocious, you know.”

“Just agreeing because of the food, eh?” Rose teased, beaming up at him.

“Of course.” He flashed her a wink.

Rose reached up and cupped her hand around the base of his neck and tugged him in for a gentle kiss. She rubbed her thumb through his hair as her lips moved against his. He breathed in sharply through his nose as Rose sucked his bottom lip into her mouth.

Their mouths broke apart with a soft, wet pop, and Rose nuzzled her nose against his.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for thinking about this and for taking it seriously.”

“Of course I took it seriously,” he protested at once. “How could I not, when it involves you and our baby?”

Rose shrugged. “Still, thank you.” She then leaned up and caught his lips in for another kiss, intending on continuing his birthday with a more private celebration.

oOoOo

“You’re getting to be such a big girl,” Rose said, guiding Ainsley to her bedroom for her birthday present. “Daddy and I have a surprise for you.”

She and James stood anxiously in the doorway as Ainsley stepped into her bedroom. For the last three years, a crib had been the main feature of the room, but now, the white wooden crib had been replaced by a small dark wood bed.

Ainsley stood motionless, then she turned around and looked at them with a deep furrow in her brow.

“Where’s my bed?”

“This is your bed, sweetheart,” Rose answered, injecting as much enthusiasm into her voice as she could. “It’s brand new! It’s a big girl bed, for our big girl. Isn’t it lovely, Ainsley?”

“No.” Ainsley shook her head. “ _My_  bed.”

“Well, we moved it,” James explained, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck. “To the baby’s room.”

“I want my bed,” Ainsley said, frowning. “My bed. I want my bed!”

“I’m sorry, darling, but your sister is going to need the crib,” James said gently, crouching down beside their daughter. “This bed is just like Mummy’s and Daddy’s, only it’s Ainsley sized! C’mere. Why don’t we test it out?”

James sat down on the low-lying mattress, and his knees nearly touched his chest. He patted the mattress beside him, and Ainsley crawled over his thighs to sit beside him. She reached out and touched the safety bars near the head of the bed.

“That’s to make sure you don’t fall out,” James said. “It’s a short fall, but I’m sure it’d be scary nevertheless. So what do you think, darling? Will it do?”

Ainsley clenched and unclenched her hands around the guard rails.

“I want my bed,” she said again, frowning.

They continued to try to get Ainsley excited about her new bed, but she was still less than impressed when it came to bedtime. She refused to be put into her new bed, and screamed and cried loudly when they tried. James and Rose took turns soothing her for nearly an hour before she tired herself out and fell asleep in Rose’s arms.

She let Ainsley sleep in her arms until she and James went to bed, and they cautiously tucked her into her new bed, hoping for the best.

Everything was going wonderfully until two in the morning, when James and Rose awoke to loud wails and screams. They both vaulted out of bed, thinking Ainsley somehow fell out of her bed, but when they opened their bedroom door, they saw Ainsley pulling on the latched doorknob to the nursery.

“Want my bed!” she screamed through her tears. “Want my bed!”

“Darling, you have a bed in your room,” James said, crouching down beside her after he ushered Rose back to their room, assuring her he could handle their upset child. “C’mon. Let’s get you tucked back in bed.”

“No!” she cried. “No, no, no, no, no! Want my bed! Daddy! I want my bed! I want my bed! I want my bed!”

“What if Daddy comes and lays with you for a bit in your bed?” James offered, walking into Ainsley’s room.

“No! Don’t want to!” Ainsley flailed and shoved at his shoulders and her foot kicked into his hip.

“Ainsley Grace, stop it,” he said firmly, setting her down on the ground before she kicked him in a more sensitive area. “You know better than to kick and hit me. Ainsley, look at me.”

But Ainsley continued to cry and sob, and James rested his hands on her waist and massaged his thumbs across her belly as he waited for her to listen.

“Ainsley,” he whispered, and her cries quieted so she could hear him. “Ainsley, darling. Look at me.”

Her shoulders shook as she sniffled and tried to stop her tears. James wiped her face clean with a tissue, then tried the conversation again.

“Darling, what happened?” he asked gently. “Why don’t you like your new bed?”

“I want my bed,” she whimpered. “ _My_  bed. Not baby’s. Mine.”

“But you’re too big for the crib,” James lied.

“Nuh uh,” Ainsley said, shaking her head. “S’ _my_  bed.”

James sighed, and rubbed his fingers into his eyes.

“Sleep with you?” Ainsley asked suddenly.

“Do you want me to lie with you?” he asked, gesturing to her bed.

“No,” Ainsley said, shaking her head vigorously. “Sleep with you. You and Mummy.”

James nodded and sighed. He’d hoped the transition to her bed would have been smoother, but it was the middle of the night and he was exhausted.

“Okay, darling,” he said, picking her up. “Just for tonight, okay?”

Ainsley nuzzled her face into his neck, stuck her thumb into her mouth, and let out a yawn.

“I love you, Daddy,” she murmured, and James pressed his lips into her hair.

“I love you, too,” he whispered, carrying her into their bedroom, where Rose was still awake.

Thankfully, there were no more tantrums that night, and by the time Ainsley woke up, bright and early, she seemed to be completely over her distress.

“So how did Ainsley like her new bed?” Robert asked that morning over the phone.

“She didn’t like it as much as we’d hoped,” James replied, rubbing his tired eyes as he refilled his coffee. “We woke up to a very unhappy three-year-old.”

“Ah. Did she try to climb back into her crib?” Robert prompted.

James frowned. “Yeah. How did you know?”

“You did the same thing,” he answered with a laugh. “It took about a month for you to sleep a full night in your big boy bed. Your mum and I left your door open and the door to the home office, where we stored your crib, and we let you come and go as you pleased during the night.”

“Do you think Rose and I should do that?” James asked. “What if she falls trying to get into the crib?”

“She’s been able to climb in and out of her crib for months. She’ll be fine,” Robert assured. “See if it helps. It might take awhile for her to get comfortable with the change you’re trying to bring. There is a lot of change going on in her life at the moment. Just be patient and let her adjust at her own pace. She’ll be fine.”

They decided to heed Robert’s suggestion. That night, they made sure Ainsley was asleep before they tucked her into her toddler bed, and they left the nursery door wide open for her, but gated off the hallway so she couldn’t wander the rest of the house.

The following morning, they found Ainsley curled up in her old crib with her favorite blanket.

They continued the routine for a week, until one morning, they awoke and found Ainsley still asleep in her bed.

After that, she spent her nights in her bed, and she eventually was able to be tucked into bed while still awake.

When James and Rose asked how she liked her new bed, she replied, “S’my bed. Crib’s for baby.”

James and Rose smiled at each other over the rims of their mugs. They still had four and a half months to wait, but with Ainsley’s acceptance of her role as big sister and her concession of her crib, it felt like they made a big step in the right direction, and that they were more or less ready for the baby to come.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose (and Ainsley) prepare for the upcoming holidays, but tensions and stress are high.

James and Rose jumped head-first into researching the perfect midwife to be part of the birth of their second daughter. Shortly after Ainsley’s birthday, they scheduled a visit to the birthing center James had found, which was more luxurious than they were expecting. There were private suites where the birth and recovery could take place, and if Rose hadn’t had her heart set on having a home birth, James wouldn’t have minded renting one of the suites for the birth.

They set up an appointment with each of the midwives on staff to get a feel for the one that would be the best fit for them. The screening of the midwives took up the rest of November, and after weeks of interviews and discussing it between themselves, Rose and James finally decided on Elizabeth Sanger, a young woman with five years of experience and a very open, laissez-faire attitude towards birth.

“Everything will be led by Rose,” Elizabeth had said during her interview with them. “Humans have been giving birth for thousands of years, and a woman’s body has perfected the art of it. I’m here to help Rose listen to what her body is telling her, to coach her through it, and to make sure that on March twenty-fifth—or whatever date your little girl decides to arrive on—that you get to hold a healthy baby in your arms.”

James and Rose both appreciated her birthing philosophy, and that the midwife would take her cues from them.

“Your profile says you have an older child?” Elizabeth had asked. “I’m curious as to your plans for her during the birth. Will she be in your home, or—?”

“No,” Rose and James said immediately. That had been the first thing they had agreed upon after deciding on the home birth: neither of them wanted Ainsley to witness her mother going through the agony of labor. “No, she’ll be staying with one of our parents.”

“A good idea,” Elizabeth said, nodding. “I often advise parents against letting their young children witness the birth. While beautiful, it is quite a traumatic process, and some children don’t react well to it.”

With the midwife decided on, all that was left was to formally transfer the records of Rose’s prenatal visits to the birthing center. Being an affiliate with the hospital that Rose had been going to for prenatal care, it was a relatively simple matter. Both James and Rose were relieved to finally have that process finished by the first week of December so they wouldn’t need to be worrying about midwives and birth plans while trying to prepare for the upcoming holidays.

They came home with a Christmas tree the first weekend in December, and while it wasn’t the fullest or prettiest of trees, they loved it because Ainsley picked it out herself.

“Notice how she picked the tallest tree there was,” James grunted as he attempted to heft the Douglas fir into the stand.

“Yep, I did notice that,” Rose said, chewing her thumb cuticle to hide a grin. “Need help?”

“Nope, I’ve got it,” James panted, but then he squeaked and cursed just moments before the tree swayed towards Rose.

“Gotcha!” Rose reached out and caught the falling tree, and spluttered as needles rained down on her.

“Rose! Are you all right?” James’s hand reached out for her as his eyes peeked at her through the branches.

“I’m fine,” she soothed. “Well, a few needles fell down my bra and are getting kind of itchy. Now would you care for a bit of help?”

Together they managed to get the tree in the stand and turned it so that the thickest part of the tree was on display to the rest of the living room.

“Not too bad!” James said delightedly when they got all the lights strung on the tree. “We can do the ornaments tomorrow so Ainsley can help.” He then turned towards her with an impish grin and a predatory gleam in his eyes. “Now… about the pine needles that fell down someone’s bra?”

Rose shrieked out a laugh when he pressed himself up against her and stuck his hand down the front of her shirt.

They decorated the tree the following morning. The Christmas ornaments Ainsley had made in daycare were proudly hanging on the front of the tree, while the regular ornaments were scattered around the rest of the branches in no particular style. It was obvious the tree was decorated primarily by a toddler, but to James and Rose, it was the loveliest tree in all of England.

“Oh, look what I found,” Rose said as she sifted through boxes in their basement, looking for the rest of their Christmas decorations.

James set down the box he had in his arms and walked up to Rose. A box filled with baby clothes was in front of her, and right on top was a journal he knew contained all of the baby names he and Rose had come up with during their first pregnancy.

“Oh, fantastic!” James crowed. He stepped up behind her and reached around to flip through the journal. “I’d wondered where this had gone! We can use this to start looking at names for the baby. I doubt our tastes have changed that much regarding names, so our favorites should still be here.”

“That’s what I was thinking, too,” Rose said. She then rummaged through the box of clothes. “God, I can hardly believe Ainsley used to be this small!”

James hummed in agreement when he happened upon one of her newborn onesies.

“Though I suppose it isn’t that unbelievable,” he mused, rubbing his fingers across the soft fabric. “After all, she lived inside you and the hole she came out of isn’t exactly big. Although! If you think about it, she used to exist as two, tiny, separate cells in each of us! That’s the smallest she’s ever been.”

James beamed proudly at her, and Rose rolled her eyes.  _Nutter._

“Let’s bring this box up, too,” Rose said. “We can sort through the clothes and see what sort of shape they’re in.”

She bent to pick it up, but was stopped by James’s hands on her shoulders.

“Ah ah ah,” he tutted, picking up the box and setting it on the Christmas decorations they were going to bring upstairs. “No heavy lifting.”

“It’s not heavy,” Rose protested, but James already lifted a stack of boxes piled three-high and dashed up the steps.

Shaking her head, Rose followed after him and wondered whether he would let her do anything between now and the time their daughter was born.

Rose opened one of the boxes James had carried up, and grinned when she saw her favorite decoration right on top. It was a series of picture frames that contained the Christmas photos she and James had gotten done over the years.

She carefully tugged them all out, and she walked into the living room to temporarily replace the current photos hanging on the walls with the more festive ones. As she hung each photo, she watched the transformation of herself and James over the years: they’d come a long way since their first Christmas together, and she wouldn’t trade a single moment of their time together.

Finally, she reached the series of photos she loved best. She proudly hung the Christmas photo from three years ago in place of the photo of James and Ainsley pulling a silly face at the camera. In this photo, she had a newborn Ainsley in her arms, and James had his arms wrapped around her middle, resting just beneath where she was cradling their baby.

Ainsley really had been a tiny baby; she only spanned the length of Rose’s forearm in the photograph. Rose sometimes missed those days. It had felt so wonderful to cradle an infant to her breast. While Ainsley still loved cuddling, especially close to bedtime or if they were all watching a film together, she grew bored and restless after a few minutes of it.

In the following year’s photo, James was holding Ainsley. It had taken ages to get the photos done, Rose remembered, because Ainsley had been in an odd mood. She hadn’t been able to decide if she wanted to be in James’s arms, or in Rose’s, or if she wanted to be set on the ground to practice her walking. But they’d finally managed to get Ainsley to be still enough, and even smile, for the photos to be taken.

The following year, Ainsley decided she wanted to stand on her own, like Mummy and Daddy. She was standing on one of the photo props—a large box wrapped as a gift—while James and Rose stood behind her, arms wrapped around each other and a hand on Ainsley’s shoulder.

“You should probably go get changed, love.”

James appeared in the living room in black trousers and a blue button-down oxford with a red tie that had white snowflakes printed across it. Ainsley trailed behind him, a fistful of golden fabric in her hands as she played with the skirt of her dress and swished it around.

Rose nodded and stepped down from the stool she’d been on to hang their Christmas photos. An empty frame hung at the end of the photo series, but it would soon be filled with the photo they were about to go take.

She rubbed her six-month baby bump, excited that at this time next year, their Christmas photo would contain four people in them.

Throughout the coming weeks, James and Rose—and Ainsley, when she was in the mood to help—transformed their house to suit the coming holidays. The house grew more and more festive as they unboxed more of their decorations, and as Ainsley came home with Christmas crafts done at daycare.

But Christmastime also brought with it a hectic workload for Rose. She and James weren’t the only families to do Christmas photos, and she was often booked every day for couples and families getting Christmas photos done.

She tried to still get home by suppertime, but there were a few days when she would have to stay late to coincide with the times her customers were available.

That left James to care for Ainsley by himself. While he usually loved the one-on-one time with his daughter, there were certain nights where it was frustrating either because he had other things he needed to be doing, or because Ainsley was in a bad mood because she wanted her mum.

“I want Mummy!” Ainsley whined at him one night as he tried to wrestle her into her chair for dinner.

“I know you do,” James said patiently. “So do I, but she won’t be home for another hour or two, so you’re stuck with Daddy tonight.”

Ainsley pouted for a minute, but then said, “M’hungry, Daddy.”

“Yep, me too,” he said, taking her dinner out of the microwave. “Daddy’s got you some yummy hotdogs and macaroni and cheese!”

“Yummy!” Ainsley said with a grin.

After checking her food to make sure it wouldn’t be too hot, he set it onto her tray along with her fork and a cup of milk, and he squirted a blob of ketchup onto the corner of the plate.

“No!” Ainsley squawked, pushing her plate away from her.

James furrowed his brow. “What’s wrong, darling? It’s yummy hotdogs and mac and cheese. You love hotdogs and mac and cheese.”

“No!” she shouted pushing her plate further away from her so James had to quickly reach out and take it away before it toppled onto the floor. “Daddy, m’hungry!”

“I know,” he said, feeling at a loss. “I have your dinner right here, Ainsley.”

He tried to set it in front of her again. She glanced down at it and said “Ketchup!”

“Your ketchup is right here, darling,” he said, dipping a chunk of hotdog into it. “See, right here.”

“No, no, no!” she screamed, throwing her fork across the room.

“Ainsley Grace,” he said sternly, feeling his patience waning. “You know better than to throw things.”

“Not happy!” she wailed, slamming her hands into her plate. Bits of food jumped into the air, and ketchup splattered all over her and across the kitchen in little droplets. “Want Mummy!”

“Ainsley, enough!” he gritted out. “Stop it right now.”

“No! Not happy!” She slammed her hands into her plate again then shoved her cup of milk onto the floor, sending milk flying everywhere. “Want Mummy food!”

“Okay, time-out time,” James said shortly.

He took her plate away from her, ignoring her screams that she was hungry, and he unhooked her tray from her chair. He grabbed a towel and wiped off her hands to try and contain the mess she was making, and he picked her up and carried her to the time-out chair they kept in the laundry room.

“No, no, no!” she cried.

“Yes,” he said, setting her down on the chair. “Three minutes. Sit here for quietly for three minutes. Daddy will tell you when you can get up. I’m very angry with you, Ainsley.”

Ainsley whimpered pitifully and rubbed her hands into her eyes, but she stayed seated. He stood up and set a timer on his watch, then walked back to the kitchen. He sighed when he saw the mess Ainsley had made: little bits of hotdog and macaroni and cheese were on the floor surrounded in a puddle of milk that was dripping from her cup, and droplets of ketchup and milk were sprayed across the table and walls.

He grabbed a roll of paper towel and began sopping up the mess.

“Daddy, done?” Ainsley asked from the next room over.

“Not yet,” he answered, chucking the soiled paper towels in the trash. “Sit quietly, Ainsley.”

She was quiet for another minute before she asked again, “Now done? Please?”

James glanced at his watch. “Nope, one more minute. Remember, sit quietly.”

When the kitchen was more or less clean again and there were ten seconds left to Ainsley’s time-out, he walked back to the laundry room. Ainsley was sitting on the chair with tears streaking down her cheeks.

“Okay, your three minutes are up,” James said, kneeling down in front of her. “Do you know why you were put on time-out, darling?”

“Didn’t listen,” she said softly, scrubbing her arm across her nose.

“That’s right,” he said. “You were throwing things and making a mess even though I told you to stop. We don’t do that, do we?”

“No.”

“Are you gonna listen to Daddy now?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“All right, then,” he whispered, opening his arms. “Come here.”

She flew into his arms and sniffled into his shoulder as he rubbed her back. “M’hungry, Daddy.”

“I know you are,” he said. “What was wrong with your food, darling?”

“Not happy,” she whimpered.

“I know you’re not happy,” James said, feeling frustrated that he couldn’t understand what Ainsley was trying to tell him. “Why aren’t you happy?”

“Not happy,” she said more insistently.

James sighed, and he pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “Shall we try supper time again?”

“Yeah,” she said, leaning her head against his shoulder. “M’hungry, Daddy. Want Mummy. Mummy’s happy.”

James walked back into the kitchen, and he kept her on his hip as he tried to figure out what she wanted to eat.

“Do you want your hotdog and mac and cheese?” he asked, pointing to her discarded plate.

“Not happy,” she said.

“All right, then what do you want?” James asked. “We’ve got some leftover meatloaf? Or I could cook you up something else? There are some chips and a pizza in the freezer?”

After about ten minutes of rejecting all of his dinner ideas, Ainsley finally decided on pancakes. James whipped up the batter and cooked them both some pancakes and eggs, and he was so relieved when she ate them happily with no more tantrums.

Just as James lifted her out of her chair, they heard the front door open.

“Mummy!” Ainsley cried, wriggling to be put down. As soon as her feet touched the floor, she sprinted to greet Rose. “Mummy! Hi Mummy!”

“Hi, Ainsley,” Rose said. She set her keys in the dish by the door and hung her coat up on the rack before she leaned down and scooped Ainsley up for a hug. “How are you tonight, sweetheart? Did you and Daddy have fun together?”

“I wouldn’t call it fun,” James said lightly, stepping up to her to peck a kiss to his wife’s forehead.

“Oh dear,” Rose said with a frown. “What happened.”

“A certain someone was very picky about what she wanted for supper,” James said, poking his finger into Ainsley’s ribs. “Weren’t you, darling?”

“Not happy,” Ainsley said seriously. “Daddy’s not happy.”

“Oh, yeah?” Rose asked.

“Yeah,” Ainsley said. Then she glanced into the living room. “Wanna play, Mummy?”

“In a few minutes,” Rose answered, pressing a kiss to Ainsley’s hair. “Mummy needs to eat first, then I’ll play with you.”

She set her daughter down, and watched her dash into the living room to play with her toys while she walked into the kitchen to forage for her own dinner.

“So what happened?” Rose asked, picking up a cold pancake and taking a bite out of it.

“She didn’t want the hotdogs and macaroni and cheese I’d made for her,” James said. “She protested them by smashing her hands into them. Twice.”

Rose winced.

“I have no idea what was wrong,” James said, rubbing his fingers into his eyes. “She was excited for them until they were in front of her. She kept saying ‘not happy’ but wouldn’t tell me why, and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure it out. They weren’t too hot or too cold. I gave her milk, I gave her ketchup. All I got was ‘not happy’.”

“Oh, hell,” Rose whispered. She had stepped up to the counter, where the remnants of Ainsley’s first plate of her dinner were sitting, waiting to be cleaned up. She saw the little handprint in the middle of her ketchup pile, and she realized what was wrong. “I’ve been putting her ketchup in a smiley face for her.”

James blinked. “You what?”

“Yeah, it was just for fun,” Rose said. “I’d arrange her hotdog pieces into a circle, then make the face with ketchup.”

“Bloody hell,” James groaned, scrubbing his hands across his face. “‘Not happy’. Her dinner wasn’t smiling at her.”

“I’m sorry,” Rose said. “I’ve only done it once or twice. I didn’t realize she wouldn’t touch it unless it made a happy face.”

“No, no. It’s okay,” James said wearily. “I’ll know for next time. I’ll save her dinner for tomorrow. Maybe she’ll eat it then if I put a bloody smiley face in her food.”

James put Ainsley’s untouched dinner in the fridge before he disappeared to the home office.

oOoOo

James sped down the motorway, just wanting to be home. Rose wasn’t the only one with a mad work schedule: with finals upon them, James found himself staying late at the university to help his students prepare for their upcoming exam.

After one such night, he’d ended up staying at the review session later than he wanted, and it still didn’t seem to have helped. It was as though his students hadn’t learned anything over the course of the semester, and James didn’t know if that meant a shortcoming on his part or if it was the fault of the students.

Groaning, he pulled into the driveway of his home, and wearily gathered his laptop bag and briefcase. The briefcase, however, wasn’t completely latched, and it sprang open, spilling out all of his notes and papers and the hundred or so copies of his final exams.

“Goddammit!” James growled, stooping down to pick the papers up out of the rain. They were soggy and damp and the ink was smudged, and James knew he would have to reprint everything.

He slammed the car door shut and walked up to the front door. He hugged everything tight to his chest as he freed up a few fingers to swing open the door, but it was locked.

“Come on,” he groaned, his hands full of wet papers and his bags.

He hit the doorbell with his elbow, and it was nearly a full minute before Rose answered.

“Glad you took your time,” he growled, pushing past her. “S’not like it’s bloody freezing out here.”

She looked taken aback, but James didn’t notice, because he stalked to the home office to drop off his work stuff.

He inhaled deeply, trying to clear out his bad mood. It wasn’t Rose’s fault that his students were incompetent with physics, and it wasn’t her fault that they’d waited until four days before their final exam to seek out extra help.

But his temper still felt barely contained. He turned and walked back to the living room to apologize to Rose and hopefully get back into her good graces enough to have a cuddle with her and Ainsley.

“Rose, love, look, I’m sorry I…” He emerged into the living room, and froze when he saw the utter chaos. Toys and books were strewn all over the floor, as were bits of food and crumbs. Ainsley’s juice cup was on its side on the coffee table on top of a sticky puddle of whatever was in the cup. Take-away boxes of food were on the sofa, as was Rose’s drawing tablet.

“What the hell?” he asked, his temper spiking.

“James…”

“No, what the actual hell, Rose?” he demanded. “It didn’t occur to you to maybe clean up a bit instead of playing around on your tablet? Of course it didn’t, because you haven’t done any of the cleaning these past few months.”

He gestured to her swollen belly, and ignored the sparks flaring in her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Excuse me?” she asked incredulously.

“Figure you’d just leave it for me when I got home, eh?” He angrily picked up the empty Chinese take-away boxes, barely noticing that they still felt warm. “No need to pick up after yourself when you’ve got a nice little husband to do it for you?”

“James, enough!” Rose snapped. “Whatever pissy mood you’re in, get rid of it right now.”

“You would be yelling at me if I’d left the house in this state for when you got home,” James said bitterly, his temples throbbing with frustration and anger. “But then you’d cry and say you’re sorry and blame the hormones. And I’d forgive it, like always.”

“Well, then what’s your excuse for going off on me?” Rose demanded, following him into the kitchen, holding Ainsley’s sticky cup.

“Long day at work,” he grumbled, chucking the Chinese boxes in the trash.

“I had to work today, too,” Rose said coolly.

“Yeah, coloring,” James scoffed.

As soon as the words were out, he wished he could take them back.

Rose sucked in a sharp breath, and James’s stomach coiled uncomfortably when he saw her tears.

“You absolute arsehole,” she said quietly, glaring at him through her tears. “I don’t suppose you want to hear about my fucking awful day, do you? Did you even notice that Ainsley isn’t running around? She’s sleeping in our bed, and it’s a full hour before her bedtime. D’you want to know why? She caught some sort of stomach bug at the daycare. I had to leave work early and pick her up. I’ve been puked on twice today. She threw a tantrum when she threw up all over her toys, and then she decided throwing vomit-covered toys across the living room was a brilliant idea!”

Shame and guilt welled up in James.

“Rose, I—”

“No, I’m not finished!” Rose said hotly. “You don’t get sole ownership of having a shitty day, James. And I didn’t leave this mess for you to clean up, by the way. Ainsley went to sleep about forty-five minutes ago. I was so bloody exhausted from trying to take care of her and clean up the immediate mess she’d made, and I was starving so I ordered myself Chinese before I cleaned up the rest of the mess in the living room. I just finished eating when you got home and started storming around the place and yelling at me!”

“Rose, I—”

“And where the hell do you get off on belittling what I do for a living?” Rose demanded, her voice cracking as the first tear fell. “You’ve been the one person I could always count on for support about my art. And now you’re calling it ‘coloring’? Is that what you really think of it?”

“No, Rose, of course not,” James said urgently.

“How am I supposed to believe that?” She drew in a deep breath, then wiped at her eyes. “You can piss off tonight, James. I’m going to bed. I ordered Chinese for you, too, if you want it. I put it in the microwave.”

“Rose, please,” he begged, feeling sick to his stomach. “I’m so sorry, love.”

“Yeah,” she said. “G’night, James.”

“Let me come in and see Ainsley? Please?” he said, stepping towards her as she left the kitchen.

“James, you don’t need permission to see our daughter,” Rose said. James followed her to their bedroom, and Rose gestured to the bed, where Ainsley was fast asleep, despite their raised voices. “Try not to wake her up.”

James nodded and walked up to his side of the bed, where Ainsley was curled up. She looked feverish and sweaty, and his heart broke for his little girl. And for Rose. God, he was such a twat.

He pressed his lips to Ainsley’s forehead, wincing at how hot she felt.

“Love you, darling,” he whispered. “Sorry you’re unwell.”

He stood and saw Rose pulling on her pajamas.

“I really am sorry, Rose,” he murmured.

“I know.” She sniffled and turned towards him. His heart shattered at the sight of tears streaming silently down her cheeks. He took a step towards her, but she shook her head and backed away. “Please just leave me alone tonight, James. I’m still angry with you, and I want to be left alone.”

James nodded morosely. “Right. I’ll be on the sofa. Come get me if you need me.”

James walked out of the bedroom, and pulled the door halfway shut behind him. He tugged at his hair as he walked back into the living room. The mess that greeted him made his guilt swell up inside him again, and he hated himself for everything he’d said.

He walked into the kitchen and filled the kettle for tea. As he waited for it to heat, he opened the microwave and saw two boxes of Chinese take-away waiting for him. He sighed and put them in the fridge for later.

When the kettle beeped, James made himself a cup of tea and meandered back into the living room, intent on making it up to Rose.

He pulled the bin of toys from the corner of the room and began clearing up, but when he found a few toys that were sticky and some that still had drops of vomit on them, he went to the kitchen and grabbed disinfectant wipes and returned.

For over an hour, he sat in the middle of the living room and meticulously cleaned all of Ainsley’s toys. He stood and saw Rose’s drawing tablet on the couch, and he realized it was her work tablet. His heart fell when he realized she had been trying to work from home as she cared for a sick toddler.

 _She could have called me,_  James thought defensively.  _I would’ve come home to help._

But as soon as he thought the words, he knew that Rose had tried to keep his focus on his students. She knew how much stress he was under as he worried that his students were ill-prepared for their final exam, and she had tried to give him uninterrupted time at the university to help his students.

“Fuck,” James grumbled, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes.

He took Rose’s drawing pad and put it in the home office so it wouldn’t get broken or food spilled on it.

When the living room was relatively clean again, James grabbed extra sheets and pillows from the closet and made himself a makeshift bed on the couch, even though he knew he wouldn’t sleep well.

And he was right. James lay awake for hours on the sofa, and any sleep he managed was shallow and interrupted. He awoke at every little sound, wondering if it was Rose or Ainsley, and his dreams were all repeats of the stupid fight he’d picked with Rose. His mind’s eye continued showing him the utter heartbreak and betrayal on Rose’s face when he’d insulted her art. How would she ever forgive him for that?

At half-past four in the morning, he heard little feet pattering down the hall towards him.

“Daddy!”

“Hello, my darling,” James murmured, sitting up to open his arms for his daughter. He scooped her up and held her close, inhaling her scent as he tried to ignore what a rubbish husband and father he felt like. “How are you feeling, Ainsley? How’s your tummy?”

“Tummy hurts,” Ainsley said nuzzling her face into his neck. “Don’t feel good.”

“I know you don’t,” he said, pressing kisses to her forehead. “Why are you up so early? When you’re not feeling well, you should stay in bed and sleep.”

“Woke up,” Ainsley said. “Mummy’s puking.”

“Mummy’s what?” James asked, glancing down the hall.

“Mummy’s puking,” Ainsley repeated, sounding drowsy. “Puking like Ainsley.”

“Shit,” James whispered, then he cringed. “No, darling, you didn’t hear Daddy say that.”

“Shit,” Ainsley parroted with a sleepy grin. “Daddy said shit.”

“I know I did,” he said, standing. “Don’t say that word, Ainsley. It’s a bad word. Only adults can use that word, not little girls.”

James walked down the hallway and to their bedroom. Rose wasn’t in the bed.

He closed the door behind him, then walked forward and set Ainsley on the bed. He tucked the sheets around her.

“Go back to sleep, Ainsley,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead.

He grabbed the empty glass from Rose’s bedside stand and took it into the en suite to fill with water before he walked into the bathroom. Rose was kneeling on the floor with her forearms crossed across the toilet seat, and her head was pillowed against them.

“Hey,” he whispered, dropping to his knees. “You okay?”

“No,” she grunted, not even turning to look at him.

“Looks like you caught the bug Ainsley had,” James mused.

“Really? I didn’t notice,” she said flatly.

James winced.

“Anything I can do to help?” he asked.

Rose sighed and admitted, “Help me to bed? I’m so dizzy.”

James nodded, and he crouched beside her to help her stand. He frowned when he saw how pale her face was and how shaky she looked. She was swaying on her feet and her hands were trembling as she gripped his forearms.

“I’m sorry you’re ill, Rose,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. “And I’m so sorry about before.”

“We can talk later,” Rose mumbled, leaning heavily against him as they shuffled to the bedroom. “I’m too tired right now.”

“Right, of course,” he said. “You get some rest. I’m going to stay in here to help you and Ainsley as needed, if that’s all right?”

Rose nodded as she crawled into bed beside Ainsley, who had drifted back to sleep.

James carefully scooched Ainsley closer to Rose and then crawled into bed beside her. Ainsley wiggled until she was sideways with her head on his chest and her feet pressed to Rose’s belly. James stroked her hair as he let his eyes close and tried to get more sleep.

He was awoken an hour or so later by frantic movements. He looked over and saw Rose with her hand clapped to her mouth as she struggled to stand. He vaulted out of bed, thankful that Ainsley wasn’t sleeping on him anymore, and he rushed to help Rose up.

“Come on, up we get,” he coaxed, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

He heard her start to gag, and he tugged her into the en suite and settled her in front of the sink just in time. James rubbed her back, then pulled away when Rose stood up and rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

He sighed, hating that his family was so ill, and then turned on the faucet to wash down the sick.

That was how most of the day passed for James. He’d emailed his students and told them he wasn’t going to be in the office that day, but that he would hold another review session the following day.

Ainsley, thankfully, was feeling better by late morning. She still said her stomach hurt, but she wasn’t as feverish as she was the night before, and there weren’t any more vomiting spells.

When she was getting too restless to stay in bed, James pressed a parting kiss to Rose’s sweaty temple and took Ainsley out of the bedroom. He made her a bit of toast and oatmeal, and though she didn’t want to eat much, she swallowed down a few bites. James was more pleased that she was drinking, and he decided that fluids were more important than food.

He tried to keep Ainsley entertained as Rose rode out her own illness, but invariably, Ainsley wanted her mother.

“Mummy!” Ainsley cried, running again down the hall for Rose.

“No, darling, Mummy’s sleeping,” he said, having repeated that phrase seemingly a hundred times.

But then the bedroom door opened and Rose stepped out.

“Hi Mummy!” Ainsley said. She hugged her mum’s legs then sprinted off to the living room.

“I’m sorry,” James said with a grimace. “But hell hath no fury like a toddler who wants her mummy.”

Rose snorted. “Yeah. Or her daddy. She was crying for you all of yesterday. I swear, she always wants the parent who isn’t here.”

“Yep.” He glanced at her and saw how pale and exhausted she still looked. “You can go back to bed, love.”

“Nah, I’ll keep you guys company out here,” Rose said, waddling down the hall.

“Really, Rose, I’ve got it covered,” James said. “Ainsley’s about to go down for a nap anyways.”

Rose ignored him and walked to the kitchen for a glass of water, before she entered the living room and sat heavily on the sofa.

“You cleaned,” she noted, glancing around.

“Yeah,” he said guiltily, sitting beside her. “I figured that was part one of making it up to you.”

“That’s a good start,” Rose said, and James was relieved when he saw a hint of a smile cross her lips.

“I am so, so sorry,” James said, turning to face her head-on. “So sorry. You have no idea… I feel like the biggest fuckwit on the planet, Rose. I’m so sorry. There is no excuse for my behavior and what I said other than that I am an absolute arsehole. I should have realized that there was a reason for the state the house was in, and I definitely should have realized something was wrong when Ainsley didn’t come to greet me.

“And I do not think that your job is just coloring, Rose,” he said fiercely, willing her to believe him. “I’ve never thought that. That was awful of me to say and I didn’t mean it. Your art is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen and I cherish each new piece you make for me and for our family.”

Rose picked at her cuticles as she whispered, “Your comment really hurt, James.”

His chest ached at how small her voice sounded, and not for the first time, he would give anything to be able to go back in time and stop himself from ever calling her art ‘coloring’.

“I know,” he whispered. He wanted to reach out and touch her and offer her more comfort than his paltry words could give, but he wasn’t sure if his touch would be welcome, so he instead clenched his hands into fists. “I know, and I’m so sorry. You are so wonderful and talented, and I am so, so sorry, Rose.”

“I know,” Rose murmured, covering his hand. “I forgive you.”

James breathed out a grateful sigh, feeling dizzy with relief.

“Just don’t take your bad mood out on me next time,” she said, leveling him with a hard look.

“I won’t,” he vowed. “I swear I won’t.”

She sighed.

“I feel like shit,” Rose mumbled, rubbing her fingers into her eyes. “Everything hurts.”

“I know,” James whispered sympathetically. “Oh. I, ehm, I may have taught Ainsley a new word.”

Rose glanced over at him, smirking.

“Oh?”

“I, ehm, I might’ve said ‘shit’ in front of her,” James admitted with a sheepish grin.

Rose laughed and said, “Oh, don’t worry, I taught her that one a few weeks ago. I’ve been surprised she hasn’t been using it. Most toddlers are delighted when they realize they’re using a bad word.”

“Well, she’s not most toddlers, is she?” James said proudly, looking at their daughter, who had made herself a nest of blankets on the floor and curled up for a nap.

“No, she isn’t,” Rose murmured, leaning against him. “Can I have a cuddle?”

“Oh, Rose.” James turned and enveloped her in his arms. “Of course you can. Always.”

Rose leaned into his embrace and rested her head in the crook of his neck. James buried his nose into her hair and pressed kisses to her head as he wrapped his arms around her. Though she’d asked for the hug, he was taking just as much comfort from it as she was. The knot that had been sitting heavily in his gut since the previous evening finally unclenched, leaving him feeling wrung out and wanting to hold Rose for the foreseeable future.

He rested his hand on her belly, and almost immediately, he felt their daughter moving beneath his palm.

“Everything feel okay with the baby?” James asked softly, rubbing her belly.

“Yep,” Rose murmured, sounding sleepy.

“D’you want to go back to bed?”

“No,” she said, but James didn’t believe her at all.

“Why don’t you just lay down,” he suggested, moving to the other end of the couch before urging her to rest her head in his lap. “You don’t have to sleep, just close your eyes and rest.”

“I know that trick,” Rose mumbled, shooting him a grin. “That won’t work on me like it does on Ainsley.”

James laughed and stroked her hair as Rose wiggled around until she found a reasonably comfortable position. As he ran his fingers through the silky strands of her hair, he heard her breathing even out before she started snoring softly.

His eyes began to droop in exhaustion. He’d slept about as well as Rose did. Content to join his family in a nap, he slowly reclined his seat back, but he’d barely closed his eyes before he felt a gentle tapping against his thigh.

He opened his eyes and saw Ainsley staring bleary-eyed at him.

“Sleep with you?” she asked, lifting her arms towards him. “Mummy’s napping.”

“Yeah, she is,” James whispered, carefully pulling Ainsley into his lap. “You should be napping, too.”

She didn’t say anything in response, but she wriggled around on his lap until she’d found a comfortable position. She’d tucked her body into the nearly non-existent space between his body and the armrest of the sofa, and she leaned her head back onto his chest.

“Comfy?” he asked, but she’d already fallen asleep.

oOoOo

“Ainsley, hold my jeans,” Rose said as she reached over to grab the cookies she’d brought.

A little hand grabbed onto her trousers, and once Rose had the plate of desserts in her hand, she reached down and took Ainsley’s hand and began walking through the car park.

“Where’s Daddy?” Ainsley asked, looking around as though James was hiding in the bushes.

“He’s inside,” Rose replied. “Let’s go say hi.”

“Let’s say hi,” Ainsley repeated, trotting beside Rose as they walked into the chemistry building.

They made a pitstop in the main office and said hello to the secretaries and professors who were milling around in the faculty lounge. Rose left a plate of cookies in the office for them before she and Ainsley made their way to the sixth floor and to the physics lab, where James was holding one last review session before his students’ final exam the following day.

“Daddy!” Ainsley shouted when they finally saw him.

Rose smiled when James wheeled around wildly and spotted them. A beaming grin crossed his face, and he beckoned them into the room.

“I hope we’re not interrupting,” Rose apologized, seeing the still-full classroom. “You said you’d be done by lunchtime.”

“Oh, not at all,” James said. “We were just wrapping up. Class, this is my lovely wife, Rose, and our daughter, Ainsley. Ooh, what have you got there?”

“Daddy! Daddy, hi!”

Ainsley pulled her hand away from Rose’s to sprint up to her father. James crouched and hauled her into his arms.

“Hello, my Ainsley!” he exclaimed, hugging her tight. “What are you and Mummy doing here?”

“Made cookies!” she said happily, glancing back at Rose.

“You made cookies?” James said as Rose set the treats at the front of the room.

“I figured you all could do with a bit of homemade sugar before your exam,” Rose said, addressing the class, who were already swarming towards the cookies.

Rose wandered over to where James was still chatting with Ainsley, who appeared to be recounting their baking adventures.

“Uh huh,” James said, nodding seriously. “I’ll bet you’re the best cookie maker ever.”

“Yeah,” Ainsley said, looking proud of herself. “Mummy helped.”

“I’m sure Mummy did,” James said. “Shall we sample a bit of the cookies you and Mummy made?”

“Oh, she’s already sampled plenty,” Rose said.

“Well…” James drawled, torn between Ainsley’s pouting face and Rose’s stern expression. “Surely she can steal a bite or two from Daddy’s?”

James snuck between his students to grab a cookie for himself and Rose. His students all turned to Ainsley and smiled and waved, but she buried her face in James’s shoulder and clung tighter to him.

“It’s all right, darling,” James soothed, walking back to where Rose was leaning up against a table.

“I thought we could go out to lunch?” Rose asked, taking the cookie he handed to her. “If you’re not busy.”

“Not at all busy,” James said, holding out his hand for hers. “I’ve always got time for lunch with my three favorite girls.”

The following evening, James came home laden down with the finished exams, and he shut himself in the home office to grade them. Rose let him be for the most part, except to call him to dinner and then to kiss Ainsley goodnight. Shortly before Rose was about to head to bed herself, he burst out of the office with a wide grin on his face.

“They passed!” He swept up to her and pressed a sloppy, enthusiastic kiss to her lips. “Rose, they all passed! Every single one of them! Ha!”

Rose wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed little kisses to his neck, her heart bursting with happiness and relief for her husband. The last few weeks had been harder than they’d planned, but now James was free from work until the autumn semester began, and with that cheerful thought, Rose grew excited for the upcoming holiday and anniversary celebrations.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein the Tyler-McCrimmons celebrate Christmas and their anniversary, they toilet train Ainsley, and they finish up final preparations for the impending birth of their second daughter.
> 
> Chapter Rating: Explicit

Traveling long distances with a toddler, they knew, was always hit or miss. It was hard when Ainsley wanted to get out and run around every thirty minutes, and it was difficult to explain to her that there was nowhere to play on the motorway.

They took rest stops in time with Rose’s bladder, and they made sure to let Ainsley run around for several minutes to stretch her legs. Between that and the usual holiday traffic, the normally six-hour drive took them nearly eight hours, but they finally arrived at the McCrimmon manor.

James took a sleeping Ainsley out of her car seat and walked with Rose up to the front door of the house. They stepped in and saw a half-decorated house, and smelled the wonderful holiday scents of pine, cinnamon, and vanilla.

“Ahh, you made it,” Robert greeted from where he was hanging garland around the tree.

“Yeah, finally,” James grumbled as he took off his coat and hung it on the rack by the door. He carefully peeled off Ainsley’s coat without waking her, and then said, “I’m going to put her to bed. I’ll be right back.”

Rose came up and pressed a kiss to Ainsley’s forehead before James turned and trekked upstairs to his old bedroom. He was delighted to see a toddler bed in the corner beside the queen bed.

“Grandad’s got you all sorted,” James murmured to his sleeping child. “Let’s check your nappy, eh?”

After changing her nappy and stripping her to just a t-shirt, he settled her into the bed and tucked her in.

“Nighty night, darling,” he whispered, kissing her forehead. “Mummy and I will be up soon.”

He turned the light off but kept the door open in case she called out for them.

When he returned to the living room, he saw that Rose had joined Robert with the decorating. She was standing on a chair as she decorated the top of the tree.

“Careful, love,” James said as she stretched up onto her tiptoes to put the star on the top.

“I’m fine,” she said absently.

James nodded, and turned to help his dad hang stockings above the fireplace. He smiled when he saw the latest Christmas photo of himself, Rose, and Ainsley sitting proudly on the mantel.

Over the next few days, family members arrived for the holidays and the house grew more and more crowded. Everybody doted on Ainsley, as usual, but they also brought gifts for the baby, excited to have another child to spoil.

“You know, you’re the first in three generations to have more than one child,” James’s grandmother mentioned over Christmas dinner. “At least on our side of the family. I have no siblings, I only had Vera, and she and Robert only had you, James. Though not for lack of trying, my poor dears.”

James ground his teeth as he noticed how stiff his dad had gotten.

“Yeah, I guess we’re breaking tradition,” Rose said lightly, resting her hand on James’s thigh. “It’s the same on my side of the family, too. Both my mum and dad were only children.”

“That’s going to make it much harder for the two of you to pass on this house,” James’s grandmother continued. “When it eventually becomes yours, of course.” She turned her gaze onto Robert. “Robert, why haven’t you given this house to James yet? You don’t use it, except to host Christmas. James and Rose would get much more use out of it. They’re hardly going to stop at two children. They can finally put all of the bedrooms to good use!”

“Thank you, Grandma, but Rose and I are quite happy in our house at the moment,” James said firmly.

They enjoyed their time with family, as always, but James and Rose were glad to be home with Ainsley two days before their anniversary. It was Jackie’s turn to babysit Ainsley, and they dropped their daughter off in the early afternoon of the thirtieth.

James was very much looking forward to their dinner out together; it felt like it had been ages since he’d had any alone time with Rose.

After he knotted his tie and put on the cufflinks he had worn to their wedding, James turned to the en suite to see if Rose needed any help getting ready. But he stopped short when he saw her standing in just her bra and knickers in front of the mirror with a forlorn expression on her face.

“What’s the matter, love?” James asked, furrowing his brow.

She was looking absolutely radiant. Her damp hair was beginning to curl around her shoulders and one of her hands was resting on her bump of a stomach. James couldn’t help but step up behind her and touch her belly too.

He pressed himself against her, shivering as her soft, warm, mostly naked body came into contact with his. He inhaled deeply to fill his lungs with the smell of her, and he wrapped his arms around her waist and settled his palms on the underside of her baby bump. Just twelve more weeks until they would meet their newest little girl. He couldn’t wait.

“We’re going to miss our dinner reservation,” he murmured into her ear.

“And what will we be doing after dinner?” Rose asked, catching his eye in the mirror.

“Ehm… Dancing, I suppose. Like always. Unless you don’t want to, of course. Your feet might be tired, and that’s completely all right.”

“And after dancing?” Rose prompted. “What are we doing when we get home?”

James blinked rapidly as he tried to figure out where Rose was going with this. If he were being truthful, he wanted to make love to her all night long. But she was almost seven months pregnant, and he wouldn’t force himself on her like he did during her last pregnancy.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” James admitted, pressing a brief kiss to the side of her neck.

“Why don’t you want to make love with me?” Rose asked quietly, dropping her gaze to where their hands were resting on her belly.

“I’m sorry?” James said, feeling utterly confused.

“You don’t want to make love with me,” Rose repeated. “We haven’t for weeks. You won’t touch me anymore, and I know you want it. You wake up hard almost every morning, and do you think I don’t hear you touching yourself in the shower?”

James’s cheeks felt uncomfortably warm; it was true that he had a wank in the shower most mornings, because Rose wasn’t interested in sex. But now she was telling him she  _was_  interested in it?

“Oh, hell,” James whispered, realizing how wrong he’d been. “Oh, Rose, I am so sorry. Would you believe me if I said I was the biggest idiot on the planet?”

Rose snorted out a laugh. “I might.”

“Good, because I am.” James stepped away from her then took her shoulders and spun her gently. When she was facing him, he reached out and cradled her cheeks in his hands and murmured, “I’m so sorry. I made an assumption that was obviously very wrong. I assumed that you felt exactly as you did during your last pregnancy. Right around this time is when you became too uncomfortable for sex, and your stupid husband assumed you were too uncomfortable for sex now, too. I’m sorry, love. Really, I am. I do want to make love with you very much. I really, really do. And if you still want to tonight, we can make love when we get home. I’ve got quite a bit of lost time to make up for, eh?”

Rose beamed at him, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“You are a bit of an idiot,” Rose said fondly in his ear. “But you’re my idiot. Next time, just ask.”

“I will,” James promised, giving her a tight squeeze. “Now come on. You’ve got a very lovely dress hanging in the closet and I’ve been waiting to see it on your beautiful body all week.”

Rose pecked a kiss to his cheek, then shooed him out of the en suite so she could get ready for their anniversary dinner.

They had a wonderful evening out together. They went to their usual anniversary date night restaurant, ordered their favorite dishes, and stole bites of food from each other’s plates. As they waited for their dessert, they walked onto the dance floor, hand in hand, and swayed together to the slow music that was playing.

Knowing their after-dinner plans made them both buzz with anticipation, and they stole kisses and touches as often as was appropriate. Every brush of their hands and lips built the tension deliciously higher until they called for the bill, and made a hasty retreat from the restaurant.

Once home, they made a beeline for their bedroom, stripping off their dinner clothes as they went. James wasted no time in getting Rose onto their bed and settling himself between her thighs, wanting to make her delirious with the pleasure he’d unintentionally withheld from her.

He laved his tongue across her sopping slit, sighing when her flavor burst across his tongue. Her fingers twined through his hair, pulling and massaging as he teased her. She let out a long, low moan as he circled his tongue around her clit, not giving it the direct pressure he knew she wanted, but rather enjoying making her gasp and squirm.

He kissed and licked and sucked at her for ages, until she was begging for him to let her come. His chin was drenched with her wetness and her clit was swollen with desire against his tongue. He eased off of her clit for just a moment so he could bring fingers up to join in the fun.

Her thighs were quivering and her hips bucked up as he slowly slipped his first two fingers into her wet heat. Her muscles gripped him tightly, trembling just on the cusp of release but not quite there yet.

“James, please!” she cried, fisting her hands into the sheets. “Please, love. Please make me come.”

James shivered with arousal at the desperation in her voice. He had half a mind to replace his fingers with his cock, but his desire to make up for not making love to her for weeks kept him where he was. He mindlessly rutted his erection against their bed as he curled his fingers inside of her and returned his mouth to her clit.

Her begging dissolved into panting cries as James expertly worked her higher and higher, fucking her harder with his fingers as his tongue drummed across her clit.

“Oh, fuck!” she grunted, writhing against him. “Oh,  _fuck_ , James!”

He groaned against her as he felt her orgasm wash over her. Her muscles clamped down around his fingers before they released and pulsed around the digits in time with her rhythmic moaning.

His own need flared sharply, and he pressed his hips firmly to the mattress to keep himself from humping the bed until he came. He worked her down slowly, laving his tongue everywhere except her clit and enjoying her sated sighs.

When she sank bonelessly into the bed, James eased his fingers out of her and popped them into his mouth as he crawled up the length of her body. He pressed his aching erection into her hip as she snuggled into his side, her breathing still ragged.

“God, you’re good at that,” Rose mumbled sleepily. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” he said, grinning in satisfaction. He pressed lazy kisses to her chest and absently traced his fingers across her bulging belly before he said, “Let me know when you’re ready for round two.”

After a few more minutes of gentle kisses and touches, Rose urged him on top of her. He hummed as his cock nestled against her curls, and he couldn’t help but rub against her as he caught her lips in a kiss.

Rose’s fingers wrapped around his cock, and he groaned as she guided him to her entrance. He pressed down as she thrust up, and their lips went lax against each other as he was fully seated in her. James rested his forehead against hers, and their breaths mingled together as they enjoyed the sensations they were giving each other.

He slowly started moving within her, and shuddered at the rush of pleasure as her muscles pushed and pulled against him. He mindlessly sucked at her collarbone, kissing and licking his way across her neck as he balanced on a forearm to drop his hand to rub at her clit.

She keened at his touch and thrust her hips up into his as her fingers scrabbled against his back. James hissed out a breath as pleasure prickled across his skin under her nails, and as her muscles began to squeeze him tighter.

Just as he was about to pick up the pace and drive them both over the edge, Rose planted her hands against his chest and pushed.

“Wait, James. Stop.”

James froze and opened his eyes. Rose was biting her lip as a wince pinched her face. He pulled out of her immediately and sat back on his heels as he said, “Sorry! I’m sorry! Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, love,” she assured. “My back’s starting to get a bit sore, though.”

“Right. Yeah,” he said, pushing down his feeling of disappointment as his body ached with arousal and the need for completion. “No worries. Let me just, ehm, pop off to the loo to take care of myself, then we can watch a film?”

Rose giggled. “I don’t want to stop. I think I just need a new position.”

“No, we don’t have to,” he said, not wanting her to feel like she had to continue.

“James, I was getting really close,” she said dryly. “And I know you were, too. Believe me, we’re not stopping. Just let me stretch my back for a second then we can figure out what position will work best.”

James watched her arch her back in a lying-down stretch, then she turned onto her side and slowly pivoted her hips to stretch her lower back. But then she stayed on her side, facing away from him, and she glanced back at him.

“Shall we try the sexy spoon?” she asked sultrily, grinning at him.

James snorted and crawled up behind his wife as he stroked his erection to rekindle the heat that had faded in his concern for Rose. He pressed his front flush to her back, and he tapped on her leg to get her to lift it for a moment so he could get into position.

“You sure?” he asked, poising the tip of his cock at her entrance.

“Yeah. Make love with me, James,” she said, reaching back to caress his arse.

He pressed a lazy kiss to her neck as he slowly pressed into her. He groaned when he was fully sheathed inside of her.

“You can move,” she prompted, pressing her hips back against his.

James nodded and he planted his top foot onto the mattress for leverage as he began to move. This was one of James’s favorite positions; he loved the closeness of spooning Rose from behind as they made love.

“Feel okay?” he asked, wrapping his hand around her hip to thrust into her more deeply.

“So good,” she sighed, meeting his thrusts as best she could.

He rocked faster into her when her moans told him she was getting close. He reached down and carded his fingers through her curls before her rubbed at her clit, wanting her to come before he did.

“You feel so good, love,” he grunted into her neck, nipping and sucking at her skin. “So much better than my hand. I’ve missed this. I love this. I love you.”

As the pleasure coiled tighter and tighter in his belly, James rubbed at her clit more frantically, willing her to get to her orgasm sooner. He was already on his own precipice. He couldn’t hold it back anymore…

He sucked in a sharp breath when he felt the pressure low in his gut hit its zenith. He buried his face into her shoulder and groaned out his held breath as his pleasure overwhelmed him. It was white hot and intense, and he moaned lowly when he felt her muscles begin to squeeze him rhythmically.

Though his ears were still roaring and his vision was swimming, he had enough cognizance to pull his fingers away from her clit before she got too sensitive. He instead wrapped his arm around her hips and hugged her tightly as they both came down from their high. Her muscles were still fluttering weakly around him as his cock gave a few last throbs of pleasure.

“Oh, Rose,” he whispered groggily into her neck.

Her back pressed against him as she leaned towards him. Her fingers wound into his hair and tugged. Recognizing what she was after, he lifted his head and leaned up to catch her lips in a soft kiss.

“I love you,” she murmured against his lips.

“I love you, too.”

oOoOo

“Need nappy change!” Ainsley announced, stepping up to James and Rose.

They blinked up from where they were going over the journal of baby names, and glanced at each other. If she could recognize what necessitated a nappy change, then perhaps it was time to give toilet training another go. They’d tried a few times over the last few months, but with very little success.

“Quite right,” Rose said, setting the journal on the coffee table. She watched Ainsley pull down her trousers and lay down on the floor for the nappy change. “Having a dirty nappy is yucky, isn’t it?”

“S’yucky,” Ainsley said, nodding.

“And it doesn’t feel very good, does it?”

Ainsley shook her head. “Nuh uh.”

Rose shared a look with James, and he nodded and stood from the sofa and walked down the hall.

“Want to hear a secret, Ainsley?” Rose whispered. Her daughter’s eyes lit up and she nodded. “There’s a trick to not having a yucky nappy. Want me to show you?”

Ainsley nodded and sat up before Rose guided her to the bathroom.

“Potties act as nappies for grownups and big kids,” Rose explained.

“Nappy in potty?” Ainsley asked, moving her fingers to the strap of her nappy, as though to strip it off.

“No, no,” Rose said quickly, remembering back when Ainsley tried to flush her nappy down the toilet last winter. “No, sweetheart, your pee and poo goes right into the potty. Want to see?”

James stepped into the bathroom half way through Rose using it for demonstration, and he was holding a small toilet and a pair of training pants in his hands.

“Mummy’s weeing,” Ainsley said, delighted.

“I see that,” James said. “Want to sit on your potty, Ainsley?”

“My potty?” Ainsley asked, looking at the small toilet.

“Yep,” James said, setting it down. “It’s Ainsley sized! Want to try it?”

Ainsley was already tugging at the straps of her nappy until she worked them free, and she sat down on her training toilet.

For the next several weeks, James and Rose vigorously worked towards helping Ainsley master going to the toilet. They were careful to watch her for signs of needing the toilet until she was able to remember to tell them that she needed to go. Their pockets were permanently filled with small pieces of candy to reward their daughter when she either let them know she had to go, or if she successfully went.

“Well done!” James praised enthusiastically as Ainsley pulled her pants up. Never before had he imagined that he would be congratulating another human for using the toilet, and yet it had now become a daily occurrence for him. “You went poo! That’s fantastic, darling! Help Daddy flush it.”

James dumped the contents of her toilet into the actual toilet, and allowed her the honors of flushing.

“Let’s wash those germs off your hands, then Daddy has some candy for his big girl!”

Ainsley beamed at him and climbed up the step stool they’d stationed in the loo so she could reach the sink.

They were pleased that she was much more receptive to toilet training than she’d been in months past, and by the time January came to a close, she was more or less completely toilet trained. Nighttime was the only time she had a bit of trouble staying dry, but considering she’d only been at it for about three weeks, they were so proud of their daughter.

But after a month, Ainsley began refusing to use her training toilet.

“Sweetheart, I know you have to pee,” Rose said, trying to curb her frustration as Ainsley squirmed in the bathroom but refused to use her toilet.

“No! Not potty!” she yelled. “Potty!”

“We’re at the potty!” Rose exclaimed. “Ainsley, you can go pee.”

“No!” she screamed, and suddenly her trousers grew dark and wet and she began to sob. “Potty! Mummy!”

Rose helplessly stripped off Ainsley’s soiled trousers and pants and forced her to sit on her toilet to finish up. But Ainsley thrashed and fussed the whole time, and continued to cry on her toilet.

“Sweetheart, I don’t understand,” Rose said gently. “Why don’t you want to use your big girl potty?”

“Not potty,” she sniffled.

“Yes it is,” Rose said.

“Nuh uh,” Ainsley whined. She wiped her arm across her face and pointed at the toilet. “Potty. Mummy and Daddy potty. Big girl potty.”

Understanding finally dawned on Rose.

“Do you want to sit on this potty?” Rose asked.

Ainsley sniffled and nodded, and Rose picked her up off of her training toilet and set her onto the much larger toilet. Ainsley smiled as she began peeing again, and she proudly said, “Going wee, Mummy.”

Rose got Ainsley and the bathroom cleaned up, and she put Ainsley in fresh clothes before she logged onto the internet to order a small step stool that would help Ainsley be able to climb onto the toilet.

After that, Ainsley didn’t use her small training toilet, and she soon mastered using the regular toilet. James and Rose made sure to help her for the first few weeks, to make sure she didn’t fall in, but once she figured out how to balance herself, she didn’t need much help with it. As February marched on, cold and dreary, Ainsley was proficient in using the toilet herself, and recognizing when she needed to use it.

While James and Rose were happy for their daughter for mastering another big girl task, and that they wouldn’t need to worry about buying nappies for Ainsley, they were sad to see their little girl getting so big.

But Ainsley was excited for herself that she was now using the grownup toilet.

“Gotta go pee, Grandad,” Ainsley said as Robert greeted his granddaughter on the day of Rose’s baby shower. “Go pee like a big girl.”

“Oh, wow!” he enthused. “You are getting to be so big!”

“Yeah,” Ainsley said, then she turned around and took off running for the loo.

“I see toilet training is still going well,” Robert said as he stepped up to James and Rose to give them both a hug and kiss.

“It’s more or less finished,” James said with a shrug. “She hasn’t needed our help with it lately. Except when she goes poo. It was easier than all of the books and blogs made it out to be, honestly.”

“Some kids just grasp it quicker than others,” Robert said. “It’s hard to toilet train toddlers when they don’t want to be toilet trained. It was smart of you to try it once she seemed to be interested in it.”

“All done!” Ainsley announced proudly, running back up to Robert. “Went pee by myself.”

“You did?” he asked, scooping her up into his arms. “That’s wonderful, Ainsley! You’re such a big girl! No more nappies for you, eh?”

“No more nappies,” she said, shaking her head. “Nappies are for babies.”

“That’s right,” Robert said. “Your little sister will be the one wearing nappies now.”

“Sister wearing nappies,” Ainsley said.

As Robert continued chatting with Ainsley, James and Rose left to continue preparing for the party. It was more of a celebratory get-together rather than a proper baby shower, as they already had everything they would need for their new baby.

Rose was setting up the food and drinks in the kitchen as James bustled around the rest of the house, decorating and cleaning. James was currently plucking up all of Ainsley’s toys and books and tossing them into the storage bin in the corner.

Ainsley, however, did not appreciate her father’s cleaning.

She demanded to be set on the floor, and she immediately went to the toy bin and removed everything he’d put away.

“No, Ainsley,” James sighed, and Robert had to laugh when Ainsley glared at him, and continued pulling toys out. “Sorry, darling, but we’re having company over. We don’t want people to trip over your toys, or step on them.”

“Want to play,” Ainsley said firmly, and then she screeched when James started putting her toys back in the bin.

“Oh, just leave ‘em,” Robert said, joining the chaos. “People know you’ve got a toddler in the house; they won’t expect it to be immaculate.”

James sighed and nodded, and spun away from his daughter to hang the banner they’d used during Ainsley’s baby shower.

“Daddy, read to me,” Ainsley said, toddling up to where he was perched on a chair.

“Not now, Ains,” James said distractedly, then he turned around and asked, “Does it look straight?”

“Daddy!” Ainsley said, tapping his leg. “Daddy, read to me!”

“Not now, Ainsley,” he said again, more firmly.

“Please!” she cried, bouncing on her feet in frustration.

“No, Ainsley,” James said. “Daddy is busy right now.”

Sensing an oncoming tantrum, Robert walked up to his granddaughter and scooped her into his arms.

“How about you come and see what Mummy and I are doing in the kitchen?” Robert said. “Then maybe Daddy can read to you when he’s finished decorating.”

Robert was able to appease Ainsley for a few minutes, but when James was done hanging the banner, he stepped into the kitchen to get a list of last-minute supplies for the party.

“Daddy, read to me!” Ainsley cried when she saw James lacing up his trainers and donning a jacket.

“I will later,” he promised, before he pecked her on the forehead and left the house.

But ‘later’ wasn’t happening soon enough for Ainsley’s liking.

Guests began arrive before James got home, and though Robert suggested Ainsley help him greet everyone, most people said a quick hello to Ainsley before seeking out Rose to gush over the baby and how good she was looking and how excited they were for her and James.

Rose and James, when he finally returned home, were then busy attending to their guests, leaving Robert to keep Ainsley as happy as she could possibly be. It was working for most of the afternoon until it was time to open presents. Even though it wasn’t a proper baby-shower, people still brought gifts for the new baby, and a pile of shiny bags and boxes was sitting on the coffee table.

“Present for me?” Ainsley asked, touching the pile of gifts.

“No, sweetheart, those are for the new baby,” Rose explained.

“I want a present,” Ainsley pouted.

“Well, this party is for the baby,” Rose said. “Your little sister is coming soon, and people are excited to meet her and want to bring her things.”

“Bring me things?” Ainsley asked.

“You already have loads of things, darling,” James said.

Ainsley glared at James and pushed the nearest bag off of the table.

“Ainsley, stop that,” James said, frowning. “That’s not nice.”

“No,” she said, and she reached over to push another gift off the table.

“Ainsley, stop it, or you’re going into time-out,” James said, raising his voice.

“No!” she screamed, and she swiped her little arm across the table, sending various bags and boxes to the floor. “No, no, no!”

James stood and picked her up. “All right, Ainsley. Time-out time.”

“No!” she shrieked, flailing in his arms. “No!”

“Yes,” he said firmly. “I told you to stop, and you didn’t listen.”

She continued screaming and writhing in his arms as he carried her to the laundry room.

“Sit quietly for three minutes,” James said, but Ainsley was still screaming and standing up off her chair. “Ainsley, if you cooperate, this will go by much faster. You know that.”

“No!” she screamed jumping off the chair.

But when James picked her up, she went limp in his arms then threw herself onto the floor. She rolled around, sobbing, and while James was frustrated at Ainsley’s behavior, his heart squeezed with her obvious distress.

He let her cry for a few minutes, and when she settled, he asked, “Will you sit quietly for me now?”

Ainsley whimpered and sniffled and said, “I miss you, Daddy.”

Baffled, James said, “I’m right here, darling. I’ve been home all day.”

“No, new baby party,” Ainsley whined, rubbing her fists into her eyes. “Don’t wanna play with me. Wanna play with Daddy!”

James rubbed his hands across his face.

“I’m sorry, darling,” he said. “Tell you what. When the party ends in about an hour, Daddy will play with you. Eh?”

“Wanna play now,” Ainsley pouted.

“I know you do, but we can’t,” James said. “But you can sit with Daddy as Mummy opens the baby’s gifts. I’ll even share some of my cake, if you want.”

Ainsley sniffed and rubbed her arm across her nose, but she nodded.

“Okay, darling,” James said. “You still need to sit quietly for a little bit, because you didn’t listen to Daddy. You’ve already been sitting quietly for about one minute, so just two more minutes, okay? I’m going to get up some cake to share, then I will come back and we can join the party again together. All right?”

“Together,” Ainsley stressed. “With cake.”

“Yep, together with cake,” James promised. “Two minutes. I’ll be back.”

When James stood and walked into the kitchen for the cake he promised Ainsley, his dad was waiting for him.

“How is she?” Robert asked.

“Calm, for now,” James sighed.

“I know you’re busy with the party,” Robert said, “but you’re leaving Ainsley out. I’ve had her for most of the day, but she desperately wants you and Rose. In just over a month, the new baby will be here and Ainsley will come second…”

“Don’t you dare,” James growled. “She will never be second to anyone, not even her sister. And vice versa.”

“Mate, I just meant that her time with you and Rose will be drastically decreased,” Robert explained. “And to Ainsley, that might seem as though she’s coming second. She’s never gone through anything like this before, and it’s going to be hard for her to accept that the new baby will be taking up a lot of the attention that used to be on just her.”

James rubbed his fingers into his eyes. “I’m scared, Dad. I’m scared Ainsley is going to feel like the baby is replacing her.”

“I know,” Robert said. “This will be an adjustment for everyone. But because you’re already scared of that happening, that means you’ll work harder to make sure it doesn’t happen. The first few weeks will be the toughest, but you’ll all be all right.”

James nodded, and he hurriedly sliced a big piece of cake for him and Ainsley to share before he walked back to the laundry room and freed Ainsley from her time-out.

oOoOo

“Ainsley!”

James glanced down the hall at his wife’s shout, and he sighed and walked down the hall to see what Ainsley had gotten herself into.

“Oh!” James gasped, gaping into the half-painted nursery.

Ainsley was sitting in the corner of the room, covered nearly head to toe in paint. There were little hand prints and streaks of paint along the walls, both the finished and unfinished walls. She had also managed to move the cloth canvas that was covering the floor, and footprints and puddles of paint were staining the carpet.

“Ainsley, what are you doing?” Rose cried, her voice thick with tears.

Ainsley was frozen by the wall, where she had been mindlessly finger painting her way around the room.

“Drawing,” she said, her voice quivering. “Painting picture for baby.”

“You know you’re not supposed to draw on the walls!” Rose yelled. “Look at what you’ve done!”

“Rose, breathe,” James said, seeing Ainsley’s face crumple. “Go take a walk, love. Shouting at her isn’t going to help.”

“She ruined it!” Rose sobbed.

“I know, but she didn’t mean to,” James said.

Ainsley’s wails added to Rose’s, and James watched as Rose ran from the room. Ainsley’s face was red as tears streaked down her cheeks, and her shoulders shook as she tried to catch her breath.

“Come here, darling,” James said gently, stepping up to her. He crouched down and opened his arms for her, and she ran into them.

“Mummy’s angry!” Ainsley sobbed. “I made a picture! For the baby!”

“Shh, I know,” he said, sitting down on the floor, not caring that his clothes were likely ruined from paint. “I know you just wanted to help. But did you ask me or Mummy if you could play with the paint in here?”

“N-no,” Ainsley hiccupped.

“And aren’t you always supposed to ask if you want to play with something that isn’t yours?” James asked gently.

“Yeah.”

“Mummy and I have been working really hard on painting this room,” James explained. “And you painted over what we had already done. And you got paint on the carpet, and this paint doesn’t wash out like your play paints do.”

“I’m sorry,” Ainsley sniffled.

“I know you are, and I forgive you, Ainsley.” He pressed a kiss to her hair, and pulled back to look her in the eye. “Are you going to play with things that aren’t yours without asking next time?”

“No.”

“Okay, then,” James said. He wrapped her in a tight hug, thinking she learned her lesson. “Why don’t we get you into the bath? You’re painted pink. And after you get a bath, you can go apologize to Mummy, too.”

James picked her up to keep her from tracking paint throughout the rest of the house. He deposited her in the bathroom and said, “Can you wait here for me darling? I’ll be back in two minutes.”

“Back in two minutes,” Ainsley repeated, nodding.

Ainsley sat down on the edge of the tub as James turned and searched for his wife. He found her at the kitchen table with her laptop open, and saw she was browsing for carpets.

“Found anything good?” he asked, stepping up behind her. He rested his hands on her shoulders and massaged them with his thumbs.

“No,” Rose said shortly, leaning away from his touch.

“Well, we’ve got time,” James said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’m about to give Ainsley a bath, and can you do us a favor and work through this foul mood before we’re done.”

“James, did you see the nursery?” Rose snapped.

“Yes, I did,” he said calmly. “And it was an accident. How was she supposed to know that she wasn’t allowed to paint those walls, after she’d been watching us paint them for a week? She was trying to do something nice, Rose, and you yelled at her for it. Yes, she ruined the carpet, and a few of the finished walls, but those are replaceable. We can fix that.”

Rose sniffled and ducked her head, her cheeks flaming.

“I know you’re upset and that you’re frustrated,” James said gently, crouching down beside her. “And I know your hormones are all over the place. But it’ll be okay. I’m going to give Ainsley a bath, then have her come in and apologize. And you owe her an apology, too.”

Rose nodded, and James pecked a kiss to her cheek before he stood up and walked back into the bathroom. Ainsley was still sitting on the edge of the tub and was peeling paint off her skin.

“You, little madam, are a mess,” James proclaimed as he stepped into the bathroom.

“I’m all messy,” Ainsley said gravely.

“Yep, time for a bath,” James said, reaching behind her to fill the tub.

“Time for a bath,” Ainsley agreed, nodding.

It took a very long time for James to thoroughly clean his daughter. The paint wasn’t the washable kind Ainsley was used to, and she grew tired of being scrubbed after just a few minutes.

“I know you want out, darling, but you’re still covered in paint,” James said, trying to keep his voice gentle, even though he was getting more frustrated whenever he saw just how much paint was still left on her.

It took nearly twenty minutes of constant scrubbing, but he was finally finished washing her. Ainsley was screaming and thrashing and demanding to be removed from the bath, and James himself was thoroughly soaked.

“Okay, okay, we’re done,” James said finally, draining the tub of the pink-tinged water.

James lifted Ainsley out of the tub and barely set her down before she sprinted from the room.

“Shit,” he grumbled as water droplets went flying everywhere.

“Mummy!” she shouted. “Mummy! Don’t like the bath! Don’t like the bath!”

“You don’t?” Rose said, glancing over as Ainsley sprinted to her shins. “Do you not like wearing clothes, either?”

Ainsley glanced down at herself and beamed.

“I’m nakey!”

Rose chuckled. “Yes, you are.”

“Ainsley, wasn’t there something you wanted to tell Mummy?” James asked, leaning against the door as Rose picked up Ainsley and settled her into her lap.

“Huh?” Ainsley looked at her dad, and furrowed her brow.

“About the painting that you did in the nursery?” James prompted.

“Yeah,” Ainsley said, and she turned back to look at Rose. “I’m sorry, Mummy.”

“What are you sorry for?” Rose asked, rocking Ainsley.

“Painting on walls,” Ainsley said soberly. As an afterthought, she added, “And getting messy. And making you mad.”

“I forgive you,” Rose said, pressing a kiss to Ainsley’s forehead. “I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry I yelled at you. That wasn’t nice of me. I shouldn’t yell when I’m angry, and I’m very sorry, Ainsley.”

“I forgive you, Mummy,” Ainsley said, leaning up to peck a kiss to Rose’s lips.

“Now, how about we get you into some jammies?” Rose asked, standing with Ainsley. “As much as I know you enjoy being naked, it’s still wintertime, and you’re going to get cold soon.”

The following weekend found Rose and James fixing up the mess Ainsley had made of the nursery. They had decided on a new carpet for the room, but had elected to finish painting the walls before getting it installed.

Ainsley begged for them to let her help, and Rose finally decided that she could work with little handprints. She and James carefully helped Ainsley place various handprints across one of the walls, and when they had dried, Rose shooed them out to work her magic.

James, meanwhile, cleaned himself and Ainsley of paint, and after Rose had shut herself in the nursery for about two hours, she called them back in.

“What do you think?” she asked, gesturing to the wall of handprints.

But they weren’t handprints anymore. Rose had transformed them into dozens of little flowering trees, with the petals all floating around and between the fingers. She’d used black paint for the trunk and spindly branches that all stemmed from the palm and fingertips of the pink handprints along the soft yellow wall.

“Oh, that’s gorgeous!” James breathed, picking Ainsley up so she could see. “Isn’t that lovely, Ainsley? Isn’t Mummy so clever and creative?”

“So pretty!” Ainsley said, beaming. “Mummy’s so clever!”

The new carpet was installed the first weekend of March. As soon as it was placed, James and Rose worked endlessly to move the baby furniture and supplies into the room. There were just about three weeks until their baby was due, and they were anxious to get the room completely finished, just in case the baby came early, as Ainsley did.

They were able to breathe a little easier when the nursery was completely assembled, but that relief was short-lived when they realized they still had one major thing left to do before their baby was born: come up with a name for her.

“Why is this so hard?” Rose grumbled as they looked at their final list of contenders one more time.  _Josephine. Emily. Brianne. Sianin. Noelle. Madeline. Hannah._  “We have seven names! This shouldn’t be so difficult to narrow down.”

“What’s that? New book?”

They glanced up as Ainsley clambered onto the sofa to look at the journal.

“Mummy and I are trying to decide on a name for your sister,” James answered. “Want to hear some of the names?”

Ainsley nodded and rested her head on Rose’s baby bump as she listened to her parents read off the names. She repeated the names back to them.

“What do you think?” James asked. “D’you like those names?”

“Yeah,” Ainsley answered. She rubbed her hands across the sides of Rose’s belly, and giggled when the baby kicked where her head was resting.

Rose and James shared a smile.

“Are you excited for your baby sister?” Rose asked, brushing Ainsley’s hair away from her face.

“Uh huh,” she said. “Baby’s coming soon.”

“Yep, she’s coming in about three weeks,” Rose said. “But before she gets here, she needs a name.”

“She needs a name. Josephine. Emily. Brianne. Sianin. Noelle. Madeline. Hannah,” Ainsley repeated.

“Yep, we need to narrow that down,” James said. “We need one name.”

“One name,” Ainsley said. “Josephine. Emily. Brianne. Sianin…” The baby gave a great big kick, and Ainsley laughed madly as she tapped her fingers against Rose’s belly. “Sianin!” The baby kicked again. “Sianin! Noelle!”

As Ainsley repeated the two names, the baby continued to kick, and while they logically knew the baby was just responding to the voice, James and Rose took it as a sign.

“Sianin,” James repeated. He glanced down at Rose and beamed. “Sianin Noelle. What do you think, love?”

“I think Sianin Noelle needs to stop kicking my bladder,” Rose sighed, but there was a smile in her voice as she displaced Ainsley from her lap and pushed herself up to waddle to the loo.

With the baby’s name decided on, there was only one thing left to settle before they would completely be prepared for Sianin’s birth.

“So, Dad, do you happen to be busy sometime around the twenty-fifth?” James asked conversationally after Ainsley went down for a nap.

Robert smirked. “Well, I’d have to check my schedule, but I think I’m free. Have you got plans?”

“Giving birth to your second granddaughter,” Rose said. “We were wondering if you’d like to keep Ainsley for us.”

“Of course,” Robert said. “So will Jackie be with the two of you during labor, then?”

James scrunched up his face and quickly shook his head.

“Absolutely not.”

“No, it’s just gonna be me and James.”

Both he and Rose spoke at once, and Robert frowned at the vehement negative.

“I think you need to try and include her in this process somehow,” he said. “This is the birth of her granddaughter, too. Was she unable to babysit Ainsley during the labor?”

“We didn’t ask,” Rose said. “Don’t you want to have Ainsley?”

“Of course I do,” Robert said.

“Well it’s not like both you and Jackie can keep Ainsley for us,” James said impatiently.

“And why not?” Robert asked. “I’ve got a guest bedroom in my flat. Jackie would be more than welcome to stay with me during the labor and delivery. An extra set of eyes and hands are always appreciated when watching a toddler.”

James and Rose blinked at each other; they’d never considered that option.

“Well, ehm, I guess we’ll give Jackie a call and see if she’s agreeable to that arrangement,” James said, scrubbing his hand along the back of his neck.

Jackie was indeed agreeable to the arrangement, and her utter delight made James and Rose feel a little guilty that they hadn’t thought of a way to include her before Robert’s suggestion.

With the arrangements for Ainsley made, the nursery completed, and a name picked out, James and Rose were more than ready to say hello to the newest member of their family.

Rose especially, as she was eager to not be pregnant anymore.

She sank gratefully down into a tub of bubbles, letting the warm water soothe her tired body. A persistent ache had taken up residence in her lower back, and while Rose knew that meant she was close to starting labor, she was tired of feeling achy all the time.

The water wasn’t as hot as she wanted it, and she couldn’t wait until she could take baths where the water almost too hot for comfort.

She closed her eyes and rested her head back, letting the soft instrumental music soothe her into relaxation.

And then she heard the soft pattering of feet.

She turned her head and cracked open her eyes, and saw Ainsley standing at the doorway of her en suite.

“Hi, Ainsley,” she said, gesturing for her to come in.

“Hi, Mummy!” she said brightly. Then her nose scrunched in confusion. “Why you takin’ a bath? S’not bedtime.”

“Sometimes adults like taking baths during the day,” Rose explained. “It’s relaxing. And the bubbles smell nice.”

Ainsley leaned over the tub and inhaled deeply.

“Not my bubbles,” she noted.

“Nope, they’re Mummy’s bubbles. They’re a bit different than yours,” Rose said. “Want to sit with me in the bath for a bit?”

Ainsley nodded and started stripping herself of her clothes. Rose then sat up, reached out, and lifted Ainsley into the tub, settling her on her lap as best she could, what with her bulging belly taking up most of her lap space.

“Comfy?” Rose asked when Ainsley settled back against her. She reached back and drained some of the water from the tub to keep the water level below Ainsley’s chin.

“Yeah,” she said, smacking her hands against the water surface to make waves.

“Sitting in the bath isn’t so bad, now, is it?” Rose asked, playfully dotting Ainsley’s cheeks and nose with bubbles.

“No,” she conceded. “I hafta get a bath tonight?”

“Hmmm…” Rose tapped her chin, then rubbed a bunch of bubbles in Ainsley’s hair. “Meh, I think that’ll do, eh? Just this once, mind.”

Ainsley giggled and splashed Rose with water.

“I love you, Ainsley,” she murmured, hugging her daughter close.

“Love you, too, Mummy,” Ainsley replied, twisting in Rose’s lap until she was facing her. She rested her hands on Rose’s baby belly. “How much longer?”

“Really soon,” she answered, wiping at the bubbles that were streaming closer to Ainsley’s eyes. This soap would irritate her eyes more than the baby shampoo Rose used on her daughter. “March twenty-fifth. That’s in ten days. But I think it’ll be sooner than that.”

“How she getting out?” Ainsley asked.

Rose bit her lip as she considered how to answer her daughter without being too explicit.

“Mummy’s belly button?” Ainsley asked, poking her finger into her mother’s belly button.

“Not quite,” Rose said. “There’s a different place a bit lower she can get out from. Between Mummy’s legs.”

“Like weeing?” Ainsley asked, her face scrunching.

“Not quite,” Rose said again. “There’s another hole down there, made just for babies. All mums have one.”

“S’that how she got in?” Ainsley asked, glancing down between Rose’s legs, as though trying to find the “hole” her mum was talking about.

“Yep,” Rose answered. “Daddy had to help with that part though.”

“Daddy had to help with what part?”

Rose glanced over and saw her husband walking into the en suite.

“Put Sianin in Mummy’s baby hole!” Ainsley said excitedly.

James seemed to choke on air and his cheeks turned red. Rose smiled sheepishly and shrugged.

“Was I in a baby hole?” Ainsley asked.

“Yep,” Rose answered.

“How many baby holes, Mummy?” Ainsley asked, her eyes widening.

“Just the one,” Rose said, stifling a laugh by biting her lip. “It can get reused.”

“I can have ‘nother sister?” Ainsley asked eagerly.

“Well, let’s see how you like this one first,” Rose allowed.

“How’d Daddy help?” Ainsley asked, glancing between James and Rose.

They both flushed red and spluttered for a moment before Rose said, “Well, it’s a small hole. He had to help find it.”

“Is Daddy only one?” Ainsley asked.

“Only one what?” Rose asked.

“Put baby in baby hole?”

“Yes, only Daddy,” James said firmly, grabbing a towel for Rose and Ainsley as Rose started draining the tub. “No one else. That’s how it works.”

Rose rolled her eyes, but didn’t argue the point further.

“I have a baby hole?” Ainsley asked as James lifted her out of the tub and wrapped her in a fuzzy towel.

“Yes, but it doesn’t work yet,” Rose said, pushing herself up. She gratefully grabbed onto James’s extended arm for balance as she stepped out of the tub and began drying herself off.

“Oh. When?”

“Not for a very long time,” James said, plopping Ainsley down on the counter to comb out her damp hair. “A very,  _very_  long time. Not until you’re at least Mummy’s age. If not older. A long, long time from now.”

Rose caught James’s eye and raised her eyebrow. Between this edict and the “only Daddy” line, James was sounding a bit too patriarchal for her liking.

“Not until you find someone to love like Mummy loves Daddy,” she corrected, smirking slightly when James tugged on his ear, catching the unspoken rebuke.

“Soulmate first,” Ainsley said, nodding definitively. “Then babies.”

Rose bit her lip, not quite having the heart to tell her daughter that not everyone had a soulmate. They could cross that bridge if they came to it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Sianin makes her debut into the world.
> 
> Chapter Rating: Teen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is the birth chapter, and there are explicit scenes of labor and childbirth, but I’ve tried keeping the bloody details to a minimum. 

James finished putting Ainsley to bed and when he went to join his wife in the living room, he found it empty. He assumed she was on the loo, where she seemed to spend a majority of her time nowadays.

He decided to tidy up the living room a bit as he waited for Rose to come back, and as he finished alphabetizing Ainsley’s books, he heard Rose shuffling down the hall. He felt her arms wrap loosely around his waist, and her belly pressed tight against his lower back as she nuzzled her face between his shoulder blades.

“My water broke,” she murmured into his shirt, and James’s breath hitched in his lungs.

He spun in her arms and rested his hand on her bulging belly.

“How do you feel?” he asked. “Did it just break now? Any contractions? How bad are they? Should I phone the midwife? Or Dad? Or Jackie? Do you need to sit down? You should probably drink water to stay hydrated.”

“James, breathe,” Rose giggled, and she reached up to cradle his cheeks. “Yeah, it just broke a few minutes ago. The contractions I’ve had have been far enough apart that they’re not uncomfortable yet. We may want to call Elizabeth to let her know that the labor process has begun. And we should let Dad and Mum know so they know they’ll probably need to take Ainsley sometime tomorrow. If you call Dad, I’ll call Elizabeth? Then whichever of us is done first can call my mum.”

James nodded, and retrieved his mobile from the coffee table as he settled himself on the sofa with Rose to phone his dad.

“Hey, mate,” his dad answered. “All right?”

“Yep,” he said, trying to keep his voice even despite his anxious excitement. “Just calling to let you know Rose’s water broke.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Robert said excitedly. “Need me to pop around to collect Ainsley?”

“Not yet,” James said. “Rose says she’s hardly feeling anything yet, so we think Ainsley will be able to stay here until tomorrow.”

“All right,” he said. “Please let me know if something changes, and I’ll be there. How’s she doing?”

“She’s good, I think,” James said. “So far, at least. Time will tell, I suppose.”

“And how are you?”

James swallowed down the butterflies in his stomach. Though he’d already gone through the birthing experience once before, it still had him on edge and worried, but also overjoyed and eager.

“I’m okay,” he answered. “A bit anxious, but really excited.”

“As you should be,” Robert said warmly. “I’ll let you get going, mate. You and Rose should try to rest as much as you can now while she’s still in the early stages of labor. Phone me later and let me know when you want me to collect Ainsley.”

“We will,” James said. “Thanks, Dad.”

James hung up the phone with his dad. Rose was already finished with her conversation with the midwife, and her eyes were closed and she was breathing deeply.

“All right?” he asked softly, rubbing his hand up and down her thigh.

“Yeah,” she said, resting her hand on her belly. “They’re not too bad yet.”

“Let me know if I can do anything to help,” James said, his heart already beating a little too quickly after only that one contraction.

“I told Elizabeth not to come yet,” Rose said. “I told her we would keep her up to date on the progress.”

James eventually made the call to his mother-in-law, telling her that Rose’s labor had begun, but that Ainsley was going to stay the night with them, then go to Robert’s in the morning.

“We’ll call you when my dad picks her up,” James promised. “Then you can go to my dad’s flat and wait there with him and Ainsley.”

After many assurances that Rose was feeling fine and that they didn’t need her to stop by, James ended the call. He then turned to his wife and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

“We should try to get some sleep,” James murmured into her hair.

Rose nodded, and followed him down the hall.

Surprisingly, Rose got the most rest out of the two of them. Her contractions weren’t bad yet, and so she managed to sleep through most of them, but James awoke at the tiniest movement from his wife as he checked to make sure she didn’t need anything or that she wasn’t two minutes from giving birth.

Finally, they were awoken when they heard Ainsley’s feet jump down from her bed.

“Stay here and rest,” James urged, getting out of bed. “I’ll call Dad and let him know to pick her up.”

“It can still wait a bit,” Rose said, standing up and arching her back in a stretch.

“I don’t want to be rushing around trying to entertain Ainsley and keeping an eye on you,” James said bluntly.

“I don’t need you to keep an eye on me,” Rose said hotly.

“You know what I mean,” he huffed. “What if the rest of your labor progresses faster? Dad’s at least forty minutes away. What if you’re ready to push and he’s not here yet? I’d have to take care of Ainsley and leave you alone, because we agreed that she shouldn’t see the birth. Don’t make me choose between the two of you. Please don’t ask that of me.”

Rose’s face softened in understanding.

“James, I promise you that I am not that close to delivering this baby,” she murmured. She reached out to squeeze his hand, then she brought it to her lips for a kiss. “You need to trust me with this. We’ve still got a long way to go.”

“I would still feel better if my dad came to pick up Ainsley this morning,” James said. “Even if you’re not close to delivering, you’re still laboring, and I don’t want Ainsley to see you in any pain.”

Rose sighed and nodded.

“All right,” she said. “But let’s have breakfast together first, yeah?”

James smiled and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, and he opened the bedroom door just as he heard Ainsley’s feet pattering outside their door.

“Morning, darling!” he said enthusiastically, scooping her up into a hug. “Let’s visit the loo, shall we?”

“Already weed!” she said proudly.

“Excellent!” he praised, squeezing her tight. “Did you remember to flush?”

“Uh huh,” Ainsley said, nodding.

“Did you wash your hands?” James asked.

Ainsley’s face screwed up as she tried to remember, and James said, “Better safe than sorry. Let’s wash ‘em again.”

As James helped Ainsley wash her hands (and clean up a few unidentified drops of liquid from the toilet seat), Rose walked into the kitchen and started breakfast for her family.

A strong contraction overcame her faster than she was expecting, and her muscles seized and she leaned against the counter for support. However, she’d forgotten she was holding an egg in her hand, and it cracked and splattered messily onto the floor.

“Shit,” she sighed, tossing the egg in the trash. She then washed her hands and slowly lowered herself to the ground to clean up the mess.

“Rose, are you all right?”

She glanced up at James’s slightly panicked voice, and she said, “Yeah, just cleaning up a spill.”

“You could’ve left it for me,” he chastised. “You don’t need to be bending down and crawling around on the floor.”

“I’m fine,” she said, but when she tried to stand, she found she couldn’t quite balance herself properly. “Though I could use a hand up.”

James pursed his lips, but he set Ainsley down and moved beside Rose to pull her to her feet.

“Still okay?” he murmured, resting his hand on her belly.

“Yep,” she said.

James nodded, then turned back around to Ainsley and said, “Darling, we’ve got some exciting news for you! Your little sister’s coming.”

Ainsley’s eyes lit up and she asked, “When?”

“Sometime today, we think, but maybe tomorrow,” James said. “So you know what that means. You get to spend the night with Gran and Grandad!”

“I wanna stay!” Ainsley whined.

“Ainsley, we talked about this,” James said patiently. “Giving birth to your sister is going to take a long time. It’ll be very boring for you, and I’m going to be very busy helping Mummy.”

“I can help!” she said.

“I know you could, sweetheart,” Rose said, bending down to lift Ainsley into her arms. She settled her awkwardly on her hip and said, “But Gran and Grandad are looking forward to spending the night with you. Aren’t you excited to spend the night with them? I know you love sleepovers with Gran and Grandad.”

Ainsley nodded and said, “Yeah!”

Rose pressed a kiss to Ainsley’s temple and said, “Then why don’t you and Daddy give Grandad a call and see when he can come get you, eh?”

“Okay!” Ainsley wriggled and hopped out of Rose’s arms and ran up to James. “Daddy, gotta call Grandad!”

“Why yes, we do,” James said, smiling. “Come on.”

An hour and a half later, James and Rose were sitting with Ainsley on the sofa reading when the doorbell rang.

“Grandad!”

Ainsley hopped off of James’s lap and sprinted to the front door.

“Ah, ah, ah!” James followed his daughter and saw she was jumping up to unlatch the deadbolt. “What have Mummy and I taught you? You never answer the door on your own.”

“It’s Grandad!” she said with an impatient sigh.

“But what if it isn’t?” James asked, even though he’d seen his father’s car pull up in the driveway. “Always wait for me or Mummy to answer the door with you, okay?”

Ainsley sighed again and nodded, stepping back to let James open the door.

“It’s Grandad!” Ainsley squealed when Robert was on the other side, kneeling down to scoop her in for a hug. “Daddy, it’s Grandad!”

“Yes, well, safety first,” James said, ushering his dad inside. “Ainsley, why don’t you run to your room and get the bag you and Mummy packed?”

Robert set his granddaughter on the floor and they watched her sprint down the hall.

“So how’re things?” Robert asked, following James into the living room.

Rose looked up from where she was reclining on the couch, and she grinned and waved to Robert as he entered.

“They’re going,” James sighed. “Very slowly.”

“These things take time,” Robert said sympathetically. “Your mum was in labor with you for almost two days.”

James winced, begging the universe for it to not take that long. He didn’t think he could stand seeing his wife in pain for that long.

“Got it!”

Ainsley entered the living room, wheeling a small suitcase behind her.

“Excellent! Go give Mummy a hug and kiss,” James said.

Ainsley ran up to her mum and crawled up on the couch to hug Rose.

“Love you, Mummy,” Ainsley whispered, burying her face deep into Rose’s neck. “I don’t wanna go.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Rose murmured, holding Ainsley tight. “But you’ll have so much fun! Way more fun than me and Daddy will have.”

“Come to Grandad’s,” Ainsley suggested, and Rose’s heart broke at the hopeful expression on her daughter’s face.

“I’m sorry, Ainsley, but Daddy and I need to stay here,” Rose said apologetically. “But you are going to have so much fun with Gran and Grandad. Grandad has so many fun toys for you to play with, and so many books for you to read, and that really cool park near his house! Aren’t you excited?”

“Yeah,” Ainsley sighed, not really sounding like it. She nuzzled her face closer to Rose’s neck and sat with her mum quietly for a few minutes before she pressed a wet, sloppy kiss on Rose’s cheek and crawled down and sprinted into James’s legs.

“I miss you,” she whimpered, and James’s heart stuttered when he heard the tears in her voice.

“I’m right here, darling,” he said, reaching down to pick her up. She dug her face into his shoulder and clung to him, and he looked helplessly at Rose and his dad. “Hey, you’re all right. Remember all the fun things you’ll be doing with Gran and Grandad!”

“Gonna miss you!” she wailed, hugging him tighter.

“I’m going to miss you, too,” James whispered, stroking his fingers through her hair as he pressed kisses to her head. “So much. But it’s only for a little while. I promise.”

James held his daughter until her tears stopped, and he wiped her eyes dry with his thumb.

“I love you, Ainsley,” he whispered, pressing kisses to her forehead.

“Love you, Daddy,” she said.

“Ready to go?” he asked, giving her a final squeeze.

She nodded reluctantly, and rested her cheek on his shoulder so she could turn to look at Rose.

“Bye, Mummy. Love you.”

“Love you,” Rose responded, waving. “See you later.”

James walked with his dad to Robert’s car, and he buckled Ainsley into the car seat.

“I’ll see you later, darling,” he promised, making sure Ainsley had her favorite stuffed animal, a stuffed wolf, with her in her seat. “I love you. Be good for Gran and Grandad.”

“Bye bye Daddy,” Ainsley said, hugging her wolf tightly. “Love you.”

James pressed a parting kiss to her brow, and shut the door.

“Call me if you need something,” James said, giving his dad a quick hug. “I’m giving Jackie a call as soon as you leave. She’ll be at your flat later this afternoon.”

“Don’t you worry about us,” Robert said. “Worry about Rose and your baby. We’ll be fine. Keep me updated on the progress when you can.”

James nodded, and stepped away from the car as Robert got into the driver’s seat and pulled off down the street.

He then turned on his heel and walked back into the house to wait out the rest of Rose’s labor.

oOoOo

Robert was playing on the floor with Ainsley when he heard a knock at the front door.

“Let’s go see who that is,” he said, pushing himself to his feet to let Jackie in.

“Gran!” Ainsley squealed, bouncing excitedly when she saw Jackie standing on the other side of the door.

“Hello, sweetheart!” Jackie said, crouching down to pull Ainsley into her arms.

Robert ushered Jackie into the flat, then he bent down and picked up her suitcase to take it to the guest room.

“Sianin’s coming, Gran,” Ainsley said.

“Yes, I’ve heard,” Jackie said. “Are you excited?”

“Uh huh,” Ainsley said. “She’s comin’ out of Mummy’s baby hole.”

Jackie blinked. “She’s what?”

“Comin’ out of Mummy’s baby hole,” Ainsley repeated. “Daddy helped put her there.”

“Oh, he did?” Jackie asked.

She glanced over and saw Robert biting his lip against a laugh, and Jackie pursed her lips as her own amusement bubbled up inside her.

“Yeah. It’s a small hole,” Ainsley said sagely. “Daddy had to find it.”

“I’ll bet he had no trouble with that,” Jackie mumbled under her breath, and the sound of Robert’s laughter made it clear he’d heard her.

“But she’s comin’ out now,” Ainsley said. She paused and her face screwed up in thought. “Is Daddy helpin’ get Sianin out?”

“In a manner of speaking,” Robert answered. “But your Mummy will be doing most of the work. Now, shall we get back to building a fortress around the princess’s castle?”

oOoOo

As the afternoon waned into the evening which waned into nighttime and there was still no hint of a baby, James began panicking that something was going wrong.

“I’m fine, love,” Rose said, giving his hand a squeeze. “I promise, I’m just fine. We’re both fine. My contractions are still pretty far apart.”

James nodded and soothed himself with the knowledge that Rose would let him know immediately if something felt wrong. He also reassured himself with logic, as he kept careful time of her contractions.

Rose’s sleep that night wasn’t as peaceful as it had been the night before. Her contractions were getting stronger and closer together, and she became more uncomfortable throughout the night and into the morning.

They gave Ainsley a video call that morning to say hi and to tell her that it was looking like she would have to spend another night with her grandparents.

“I don’t wanna,” she whimpered, her eyes welling with tears. “I wanna go home!”

“I know, sweetheart, but your little sister is taking a long time to be born,” Rose said. “Are you having a good time with Gran and Grandad?”

Ainsley sniffled and then started talking about everything they had done together, including a trip to the park, and a visit to the bookstore so she could get a new book.

“Look!” Ainsley said excitedly. She hopped down from Jackie’s lap and ran out of the frame of the video call.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Jackie asked sympathetically.

“Like shit,” Rose answered, digging the heels of her hands into her tired eyes.

James rubbed her back softly, and then he and Rose plastered on wide grins as Ainsley returned.

“Got new books!” Ainsley said, holding up two books.

“How many did you get, darling?” James asked.

“One…” Ainsley held up the book in her left hand. “Two!” She held up the book in her right hand. “Two books!”

“Excellent!” he exclaimed. “Aren’t you a lucky girl to have Gran and Grandad get you two new books?”

“Yeah!” she said, grinning. “Daddy, read to me?”

“I will when I see you next,” he promised. “Until then, ask Gran or Grandad to read it to you.”

After a few more minutes of chatting with their daughter, James and Rose ended the video call and returned to the long and arduous process of laboring.

As her contractions grew to be under ten minutes apart, James began offering to call the midwife every half hour.

“James, I will  _tell_  you when to call Elizabeth!” Rose snapped shortly after lunchtime. “We’ve still got ages to go.”

He swallowed nervously and nodded, his fingers still itching to  _do_  something. Never before had he felt so useless. Not even when Ainsley was born, as he’d been busy trying to calm Rose and assure her that their daughter, though five weeks early, would be just fine. And she’d been ready to push mere hours after arriving at the hospital.

 _So much for second births being easier,_  he thought bitterly as Rose whimpered through another contraction.

He tried to keep Rose as comfortable as possible, and he helped her walk around the house and change positions from where she was lying on the couch. At it grew closer to suppertime, Rose’s contractions were under five minutes apart and lasting about a minute each. They were getting close. That thought both terrified him and exhilarated him.

And so James waited, and fretted, and catered to Rose’s every whim. Rose had lain down on the couch after a simple supper of toast and ginger ale. James sat down with her, with her head in his lap, and his heart broke every time he watched her body tense with a new contraction.

James stroked her hair away from her sweaty face as he waited for the latest one to pass.

“Want to take a bath, love?” he asked softly, still petting her hair.

“I want this baby to get out of me,” Rose grumbled miserably, rubbing her hands across her face. They were almost at the forty-eight hour mark since her water had broken, but that felt like a lifetime ago. Rose was thoroughly exhausted and didn’t want to be laboring anymore. “And I want to see my other baby,” she whimpered. “I miss Ainsley, but I don’t want to scare her with the birthing process, and I just want to not be in pain anymore.”

“I know,” James soothed.

“But yeah, a bath sounds nice,” she mumbled, pressing her fingertips into her eyes as pain pounded in her temples, adding to the overall ache that had consumed her body.

“Let me get it set up,” he said, slipping out from under her head and shoulders.

A few minutes later, James held out a hand for Rose to help her waddle to the loo.

“Can you sit in here with me?” she asked, sinking down into the warm water. “Please?”

“’Course, love,” he said, stripping off his clothes.

He settled into the water behind her, and encouraged her to lean back against him. He grabbed a flannel and dunked it underwater before he used it to moisten her skin. He then squeezed out a dollop of body wash and slowly worked on washing away the sweat and grease from the day.

He was washing her belly when he felt the muscles under his palm spasm, and Rose stiffened and whimpered out a breath.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, rubbing his hand across her stomach as he kept a mental count of the contraction. “I’m so sorry, Rose. I’m sorry.”

“If you apologize one more fucking time, I’m going to kick you in the bollocks,” she growled, panting through her contraction. “Jesus  _fuck_ , is this done yet?”

“This is a long one,” James noted as his mental timer made it to sixty seconds and she was still suffering through it.

“Really? I hadn’t noticed, you fuckwit,” Rose gritted out. She blew out a heavy breath, then slumped back against him once more. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” James said immediately. “By all means, curse at me until you’re blue in the face if it’ll make you feel better.”

“It doesn’t though,” she murmured, sounding so exhausted. “You’re being so bloody nice, getting angry with you only makes me feel like I’ve stepped on a puppy.”

James pressed his lips to her temple as he absently traced his fingers across the bubbles still smeared on her thigh. He then moved his hands to her back and started mindlessly kneading at her lower back, where Rose had been aching constantly for the last week or so.

She sighed in gratitude and leaned forward as much as she could to give him better access.

“Want your hair washed?” he asked quietly after a few minutes of rubbing her back.

“Sure,” she murmured, not particularly caring, but knowing she ought to take this opportunity to get washed.

He stood up long enough to grab the detachable showerhead, then sat back down behind her. She was hunched over her stomach and her hands shot out to grab at something, which happened to be his legs. Her nails bit into his shins as she let out a sob. His heart twisted in his gut as he watched his wife writhe in utter agony as she worked on bringing their second daughter into the world.

“You’re doing so good,” he whispered, massaging her lower back again as she continued to cry. “I’m so proud of you, and so grateful for you for bringing our little Sianin into the world.”

“I’m so tired,” she sobbed. “How am I supposed to actually start pushing when even sitting here feels like a chore?”

“Your body will help you,” he promised, walking his fingers up her back until he was working at the tight muscles of her shoulders. “And so will I, as much as I can.”

“You’re an utter saint, you know,” Rose said, leaning back into his touch. “You’re so bloody perfect.”

“Only the best for my perfect wife,” he joked, pressing a kiss to her neck. “Let me get your hair wet so I can wash it.”

When her hair was sufficiently damp, he squirted her shampoo into his palm and slowly worked a lather across her head. He massaged her scalp as he did so, and was relieved when she hummed contentedly.

He slowly washed her hair and conditioned it, all while continuously draining the tub and refilling it so the water stayed warm and clean for her.

They’d been in the bath for nearly an hour when Rose decided she needed to get up and move around.

James helped her out of the tub, and handed her a towel as he dried himself off too. He slipped on a pair of boxers and held out a warm, fluffy robe for Rose. Just as she was tying the sash, she bent over double and her legs started to shake as she groaned lowly. Rose dropped to her knees and hugged her stomach, and James fell to the floor after her.

“Rose? Rose, are you okay? Talk to me, love. Please, Rose!”

“Shut up,” she growled. “Just shut up, shut up, shut up!”

He clicked his mouth shut and clenched his hands into fists as Rose bent over on the floor.

“Time to call Elizabeth,” she managed to grit out. “God, I didn’t think it was possible, but the contractions are getting worse. More intense.”

James nodded, but stayed kneeling beside her.

“Didn’t you fucking hear me?” Rose snapped.

“S-sorry,” James stuttered, carefully lifting himself to his feet. “Thought you might want help standing.”

“M’fine here for now,” she said, panting as she tried to catch her breath.

James nodded and ran to their room to get his phone, then he immediately returned to Rose and sat on the bathroom floor with her as he alerted their midwife to the progression of Rose’s labor.

“She’ll be here in twenty minutes,” James said, hanging up the phone. “Will that be soon enough?”

“Yeah,” Rose said. “Contractions are still about three or four minutes apart. We’ll be fine.”

James nodded and then glanced at the time. Eight at night. “Ainsley might still be up. Want me to phone? We can say a quick goodnight.”

Rose nodded and shakily pushed herself to her feet, grabbing onto James as he helped steady her.

“FaceTime or just a call?” James asked, pulling up his dad’s contact information on his phone.

“FaceTime, please,” Rose said, settling into their bed.

When they were both settled in bed, James sent a video chat request to his dad.

His dad answered almost immediately.

“Hey, mate. Hey, darling. Still no baby?”

James sighed and shook his head. “Not yet. Close, though, we think. Is Ainsley still up?”

“Daddy!”

James couldn’t help but grin at his daughter’s excited voice, and the room on James’s phone spun as Robert wheeled the phone around so Ainsley could see her parents. But just before her face could enter the frame, James saw Rose’s face pinch into a grimace, and he quickly aimed the camera just at him as Rose rode out her contraction.

“Hi, Daddy!”

“Hi, darling!”

“Is Sianin here?” Ainsley asked, her eyes scanning across the phone as though looking for her little sister.

“Nope, not yet,” James said. “Almost. When you wake up tomorrow, she’ll be here.”

“She better be here by then,” Rose muttered, and James smirked at his wife before leaning closer to her so she could be in the call. “Hi, sweetheart.”

“Hi, Mummy!” Ainsley said happily. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Ainsley,” Rose said softly, then her brows furrowed. “Wait. Why are you naked?”

“Oops, she was changing into her jammies when you called,” Robert’s voice said sheepishly. “Bottom half is good. Just no top yet.”

“Getting dressed like a big girl!” Ainsley announced proudly.

“That’s right. My big girl,” Rose said.

They watched Ainsley pull on a t-shirt—and watched Robert help her spin it so it was facing the right way—but before they could continue a conversation, Rose bit her lip and said, “Talk to Daddy for a sec, sweetheart.”

James turned the phone towards him as Rose doubled over, but he couldn’t mute the sound fast enough, and Ainsley’s face pinched in fear as she heard Rose’s gasping moan of pain.

“Mummy? Mummy!”

“Mummy’s fine, darling,” James promised as the image of his daughter went out of frame, then returned with her in Robert’s arms. “We talked about this, remember? Giving birth to your sister is hard work, and it hurts, but this is completely normal, darling. Nothing to be afraid of. I promise. Mummy is just fine.”

“See, all better,” Rose said shakily, as she reached out to turn James’s phone back to her.

“Does it hurt, Mummy?” Ainsley asked through the thumb in her mouth.

“A little bit,” Rose said, her heart aching to pull Ainsley into her arms and soothe her. “But it’s only for a little while. You go on off to bed, sweetheart. Have Gran or Grandad read one of your new books to you, and when you wake up in the morning, you’ll be a big sister.”

“Okay,” Ainsley said. “Love you, Mummy. Love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, too, darling,” James said. “Goodnight. Sleep tight.”

“Don’t let the bedbugs bite!” Ainsley finished, grinning.

“No bedbugs in this house,” Robert vowed, blowing a raspberry into her neck to make her giggle. “Goodnight, you two. Good luck. Let us know when Sianin arrives.”

“We will,” James promised. “Night, Dad.”

They ended the chat a minute later, just as the doorbell rang.

James slid out of bed and let the midwife into the house, before guiding her to their bedroom.

He settled himself into bed beside Rose as she curled up onto her side, hugging a pillow to her chest. He lay that way with her for over two hours, holding her hand and stroking her hair out of her face and comforting her as best he could as her contractions became closer and closer together until hardly any time passed between them.

Elizabeth mostly stayed in the background and let James and Rose have their space, but she occasionally checked on the state of Rose’s dilation and the baby’s heartrate.

An hour before midnight, when her contractions were virtually non-stop, Rose gasped in a sharp breath and her entire body began shivering.

“Rose?”

“I need to push,” she grunted, struggling to roll off the bed. “The baby’s finally coming.”

“Good, that’s good,” Elizabeth soothed, moving with James to help Rose clamber to the floor at the foot of the bed, where an absorbent, sterile pad was waiting atop many layers of blankets and protective floor coverings.

James crouched down in front of Rose beside the midwife, helping her balance as she squatted down to start the pushing process.

“Push with your contractions,” Elizabeth instructed after verifying that Rose was completely dilated. “Work with them. Push into them.”

Rose gripped James’s forearms tightly as she let out a whimper and began to push. Her nails bit into his skin, but he hardly felt the sting. He was too focused on supporting his wife as much as he could, which he felt wasn’t nearly enough. Oh, what he wouldn’t give to be able to take her place, and not have her be in any more pain.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl, and it felt like Rose had been pushing for hours, and James didn’t believe the clock when it read that she’d only been at it for fifteen minutes. She was dripping sweat and her face was bright red, and her entire body was trembling with exhaustion and pain.

“You’re doing great, love,” he murmured after she sobbed that she couldn’t do this anymore. His heart was racing in his chest, both in anticipation of his daughter’s birth, and at the agony lacing Rose’s every cry. “You’re doing so good, Rose. So good. We’re almost there. We’ve almost got our little girl in our arms. You can do this. I know you can.”

“Give me your hand,” Elizabeth said softly.

Rose let go of James’s forearm, and the midwife guided both of their hands between Rose’s legs. James’s lungs hitched when his fingers brushed up against something firm, hot, wet, and hairy. His daughter’s head, he realized breathlessly.

“Come on, Rose,” James urged, keeping his fingers against Sianin’s head, feeling more of her slip out every second. “Almost there, love. Keep pushing. You’re being so strong. She’s almost here. Oh, I can feel her, Rose. She’s beautiful!”

“Can’t feel beauty, you nutter,” Rose grunted, her face going bright red as she held her breath to push out their baby.

“Your nutter. And yes I can,” James argued. “You and Ainsley are so beautiful, it makes me ache. And now Sianin, too. My beautiful, precious girls. Remember to breathe, Rose.”

Rose let out an agonized cry, and James felt Sianin’s head rush out towards him. He glanced down and saw dark hair on their daughter’s head.

“Head is out,” Elizabeth announced. “Does Dad want to help catch the baby?”

James glanced between Rose, the midwife, and the partially-delivered baby.

“Better decide soon,” Rose growled when he continued blinking stupidly.

James pressed a kiss to her temple and took his forearms away from her grip to help deliver their baby. Rose instead reached back and fisted the blankets on their bed in her hands as she continued birthing their daughter.

“Got her head?” Elizabeth asked, positioning his hands. “It’s going to be tempting to pull her out, but try to not do that. Her shoulders won’t fit. So we’re just gonna help her.”

His mouth went dry as he nodded, holding one of his hands around Sianin’s neck as the other was poised to catch her body. Her skin felt so hot in his hand, and he watched in awe as Rose’s thighs trembled as she pushed. Sianin’s head began to rotate, and James saw the tip of her top shoulder peek out.

Elizabeth covered his hands with hers and guided him in angling Sianin’s head down so her shoulder could completely pop out. Then she told him to lift up on the baby, and James watched as his baby’s second shoulder slipped out, and suddenly her little body fell out in a rush into his waiting hand just moments before Rose’s legs gave out and she fell to her knees.

“Oh!” he gasped, holding their little girl in the palms of his hands. His muscles moved automatically to cradle her close, and he was frozen in awe as he stared down at the tiny human he and Rose made, and that he had just helped deliver. She was one of the most beautiful things he’d ever seen, equal only with her sister and her mother. “Oh, Rose!”

The midwife efficiently cleared out the baby’s airways, and rubbed a cloth across her briefly, causing the baby’s face to scrunch up as she opened her mouth and let out her first cry.

“Give her to me,” Rose said weakly, reaching for the baby. “Please, James. Please give her to me.”

He transferred the baby into Rose’s waiting arms, and watched as his wife cuddled Sianin to her chest. James’s ears were ringing and his eyes were stinging as Rose curled her body around their baby, sobbing as Sianin took ragged, crying breaths.

A damp towel was suddenly handed to him.

“Clean yourself,” Elizabeth said, “then we can more thoroughly clean your daughter and wife.”

James took the towel as he watched the midwife rub a cloth across the baby’s body.

“Turn her over, Rose,” Elizabeth said, and she wiped down Sianin’s front while clamping the umbilical cord.

James took the shears she indicated to, and he snipped away the connection that had bound mother and daughter for the last nine months.

“Well done, Rose,” James whispered raggedly, kneeling next to Rose. “Oh, love, you were fantastic! Look at our beautiful girl! I told you she was beautiful! Oh, where’s my phone? Gotta show Dad and Jackie.”

“They’ll probably be asleep, and anyways, you’re not taking a photo of me right now. I’m completely starkers,” Rose chastised, batting his arm as he moved to find his phone. “Just give us some time to be alone with her first, yeah?”

James nodded, and settled back beside her. He stroked his fingers down the baby’s arm as she quieted against Rose’s breast. Her eyes were wide open and she was looking up at them alertly.

“Hello, my darling,” he whispered through the lump in his throat. “Hello, my beautiful Sianin.”

He trailed his fingertips across her plump cheek and then up across her eyebrows.

“Wonder what color her eyes’ll be,” he mused, staring down into the murky blue eyes his daughter currently had.

“Maybe beautiful blue like Ainsley,” Rose murmured, sounding thoroughly exhausted. “Or maybe brown like one of ours. Won’t matter. S’beautiful no matter the color.”

“Quite right,” he agreed.

Sianin began squirming and grunting, and James watched with wonder as she nuzzled her way across Rose’s breast until she found a nipple.

“God, she’s so smart!” James whispered with reverent awe.

“It’s instinct,” Rose countered, wincing as Sianin latched on incorrectly. She stuck her finger at the corner of the baby’s mouth to break the suction she’d started, and she helped Sianin to latch on properly. “There we go, sweetheart. That’s better, isn’t it?”

Rose leaned heavily against James as Sianin nursed for the first time. He wrapped his arm around Rose’s shoulders and nuzzled his cheek into her hair as he watched Sianin suckle at her breast.

“James. Watching you deliver Sianin was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen,” she said, blinking back fresh tears.

“Was one of the most beautiful things I’ve done,” he admitted, his throat swelling with emotion. “When she’s done, can I get a turn with her?”

“’Course,” Rose said. “Maybe I can catch a kip. Feel like I could sleep the rest of the year away.”

“You’ve earned a solid bit of sleep,” James said. “As soon as we get you settled into bed, you can sleep as long as you want.”

Rose nodded, and resumed resting her head against his shoulder. James pressed kisses to her hair as he observed his family, while the midwife silently delivered the placenta.

Rose groaned against him as her face pinched into a grimace, and James tightened his grip around her shoulders, wishing he could take away all of her discomfort.

“Almost done,” Elizabeth soothed.

“You were so brilliant,” James said, trying to distract Rose. He trailed his fingers across their baby’s body then traced his fingertip across all five perfect fingers, which were splayed across Rose’s chest. “Really, Rose, you were so brilliant. You were amazing. I love you so much.”

Rose tilted her head up to peck a kiss to his jaw.

“I love you, too,” she replied. “And you were amazing, too.”

He scoffed. “Me? Nah, you did all the work.”

“You were a great support,” Rose said. “I couldn’t’ve done this without you.”

James smiled, and continued to press lazy kisses to the top of Rose’s head.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, tucking his finger under their baby’s palm and enjoying the way she gripped his finger tightly.

“I’m exhausted and my body aches,” Rose said bluntly. “I feel like I’ve been run over by a hundred lorries.”

“But otherwise?”

“I’m really cold,” Rose admitted, and James cursed when he realized her body was covered in goosebumps.

“That’s normal,” the midwife assured. “Birth ratchets up your body temperature. We’ll bundle you up in bed soon enough.”

James held Rose closer, trying to give her as much of his warmth as he could as the midwife finished up.

A few minutes later, Sianin unlatched from Rose’s breast. Rose brought her up to her shoulder and nuzzled her nose into their daughter’s hair as she rubbed and patted the baby’s back until she let out a tiny burp.

“Okay, sweetheart,” Rose whispered, pressing a kiss to Sianin’s brow, “time for a cuddle with Daddy, yeah? You’ll love it. He gives the best cuddles.”

James grinned stupidly as he took the baby from his wife. Her skin was warm against his as he lifted Sianin to his chest. Bubbles of warmth and happiness consumed him as her body pressed flush against his. His skin seemed to buzz every place Sianin’s skin touched his, and he suddenly seemed so drowsy and content.

“I love you, my darling,” he whispered, nuzzling his nose into the wispy strands of her hair. “So much. I can’t wait for you to meet your big sister. She’s pretty amazing, you know. The best big sister there is. She’s been so excited for your arrival. Her name’s Ainsley.”

James continued speaking quietly to their daughter as the midwife cleaned Rose and got her dressed and into bed. When Rose was settled and bundled under a thick layer of blankets, Elizabeth came to him and had him help her measure Sianin.

“3.72 kilograms and 52.2 centimeters,” she said, handing Sianin back to him. “Skin tone looks good. Breathing sounds great. Reflexes are strong. You’ve got a very healthy baby.”

“Thanks,” James said with a smile. “And how’s Rose? Everything all right?”

“Yep, she’s just exhausted,” she soothed. “Births are a trying ordeal, as you already know.”

“This one was more trying than our first,” James admitted. He then glanced around at the macabre scene that was their bedroom.

“I’ll take care of this,” Elizabeth said. “You may want to get a nappy on her before she decides your chest will do.”

James glanced down and realized Sianin was still very much naked.

“All right, darling,” he whispered, carefully standing while keeping Sianin cradled close.

He walked down the hall, speaking softly to his baby and pointing out the various rooms to her, despite the fact that the baby seemed half asleep and was intent on staring up at James through her drooping eyes.

When they made it to the nursery, James gathered a nappy and onesie before he set the baby on the changing table.

“Let’s get a nappy on your little bum, eh? I wouldn’t fancy cleaning up whatever you weed on. Or pooped on. Nope, let’s keep all of those bodily ablutions safely contained, eh?”

He expertly secured a nappy under her bum and around her waist, the task still so ingrained in his muscle memory that he knew he’d be able to do it in the dark, like he’d been able to do for Ainsley.

He lifted her legs into the air and brought his lips down to press kisses to the soles of her feet before he set them down and grabbed the onesie he’d picked.

“Ah, this’ll do nicely, eh Sianin?” he asked, carefully easing her into the soft white and purple striped onesie.

He then found a blanket he could swaddle her in to keep her warm.

“There we go,” he said proudly when he picked up his burrito-esque baby. “Nice and snug. Bet that feels lovely. Like being wrapped in a permanent hug. What do you say we go back and find Mummy, eh? She’s probably asleep. Bringing you into the world was really hard on her, harder than it was for Ainsley. But she did so good, Sianin. I’m so proud of her. Anyways, we can lay down beside her and keep her company, and maybe steal a snuggle or two. Mummy snuggles are the best, you know.”

“Blimey, no wonder your eldest is so verbal,” Elizabeth teased when he walked back into the room.

“Rose says the same thing,” James said, smiling sheepishly. “My mother-in-law thinks I speak too much like an adult to Ainsley, but what good’s baby talk going to do?”

The midwife nodded in agreement, then she said, “I’ve got a few forms to fill out, and then I’m going to let you, Rose, and your baby have some time alone together.”

James nodded and settled himself into bed beside Rose and he cradled Sianin in his lap. He fished for his mobile and when he found it, he snapped a photo of his daughter and sent it to his dad and Jackie.

“Say hello to Miss Sianin Noelle,” he typed. “Born 11:22pm on March 20. 3.72kg and 52.2cm. She and Rose are doing well. More pics to come in the morning after we get some sleep.”

He set his phone back onto his nightstand and returned his attentions to his baby. Everything about her looked so soft, from her pudgy cheeks to her brown hair which was sticking in every direction. His heart felt like it was trying to burst out of his chest, and he could feel his pulse thrumming throughout his body.

Rose’s labor left him feeling wrung out and emotional, and holding his baby seemed to exacerbate those feelings. He lifted Sianin to his shoulder and nuzzled his nose against her soft skin, wanting to live in this moment of peacefulness forever.

After about a half hour, the midwife stood, and she set a few papers on his nightstand underneath his phone.

“Here are the documents you and Rose need to fill out for Sianin. I won’t need those back for another few days, so there’s no need to rush. I’ll be on call if you need me, and I’ll be back in the morning to check on everyone.”

“Thank you very much,” James said. “Ehm, can you show yourself out of the house?”

She nodded, and quietly walked out of the room, leaving James alone with his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conversions for Sianin’s height/weight: 8lbs 3oz, 20.5in 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose attempt to find a balance with two kids, and they find it's harder than they expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for postpartum depression

James napped on and off, hardly ever for more than a few minutes at a time, and he would intermittently take a new photo of his daughter, or a selfie of the two of them together.

Shortly after the midwife left, he received an email from her with a series of photos she had taken of him and Sianin attached to her email. He grinned as he looked through the beautiful candid photos she managed to capture of him and his baby. He saved them all to his photo gallery, and as the last file downloaded, Sianin began fussing. She flailed her arms and legs as she tried to root her face into his chest.

“Ahh, sorry darling, but Daddy doesn’t have what you’re looking for,” he murmured.

He looked over at Rose, who was still sleeping soundly, despite the whimpers Sianin was letting out. He sighed, and reluctantly reached over to wake her.

“Rose,” he murmured, softly stroking her hair. She didn’t even stir, and James moved his hand to her shoulder to shake her. “Rose, love. Wake up.”

She moaned, and her face pinched into a wince as she slowly opened her eyes.

“Sorry to wake you,” he whispered, continuing to gently pet her hair. “Sianin needs a feed.”

“I’m still so tired,” Rose groaned as she carefully worked on getting herself upright.

“I know. I know, I’m sorry. I promise, you can sleep as soon as she’s done.”

Rose nodded, and held her arms out for their baby.

“Hello, my sweetheart,” she murmured, brushing kisses across Sianin’s forehead. “Have you been having fun with Daddy? I hope he’s set you down in your cot so he could get some sleep.”

Rose eyed him with trepidation, and James smiled sheepishly.

“A bit too wound up to sleep,” he admitted. “I napped for a little bit here and there.”

“Let me guess,” Rose teased, “there are probably about a hundred new photos on your phone.”

“Not quite a hundred,” James said defensively, but he grabbed his phone and scooted closer to his wife to show her the photos. “But can you blame me? She’s so beautiful.”

Rose smiled at her daft husband, and leaned against him as James scrolled through the photos he’d taken of their daughter within the last couple of hours.

“Oh,” Rose gasped when she got to the photos the midwife had taken of James and Sianin. James was looking down into Sianin’s eyes, and she had her eyes trained on his face, and her little hand was raised up and resting on his neck. “This is my favorite.”

“I like this one,” James said, flipping to the photo of Sianin’s head tucked against the crook of his neck, while he had his cheek nuzzled to her forehead. “Oh, this reminds me. I need to get one of my other beautiful girls in some of these photos.”

“Let’s wait ‘til my tits are covered,” she said dryly.

“They are,” he said. “Sianin’s head is blocking everything. Please, love? I won’t show these to anyone, if it really bothers you, but watching you nurse our children is one of my favorite things.”

Rose sighed, and finally nodded. James pecked a kiss to her temple, then stood from the bed to stand at the foot to get the best angle.

“Oh, you’re beautiful!” he enthused, snapping several photos from a few angles. “God, motherhood suits you.”

“Just like fatherhood suits you,” she said.

A little while later, Sianin unlatched from Rose’s breast and her little body lurched with a hiccup. Rose brought her to her shoulder and rubbed and patted her back, getting their baby to burp. She continued to squeak and jump with the hiccups, but she was otherwise calm and quiet.

“Can you put her in her cot?” Rose asked, handing him the baby. “And then would you mind helping me to the loo?”

James nodded and took the baby and set her in the portable cot they would keep in their room for the next few weeks. He then returned to Rose’s side and fluttered his hands around her as he tried to help her stand.

“God, I don’t remember being this sore after Ainsley,” Rose grumbled, feeling her legs trembling with exhaustion as she stood.

“This labor was a lot longer,” James said. “And you had to push out a much larger baby.”

“Oh!” Rose gasped and glanced at Sianin. “I never asked! How big is she? Is she all right? Did she get checked out? Do we need to fill out paperwork for her?”

“Rose, relax,” James soothed. “The midwife left some paperwork to fill out at our leisure. And she’s fine. She’s 3.72 kilograms and 52.2 centimeters. Our baby is perfectly healthy. God, Rose, you were amazing! I’m so,  _so_  proud of you.”

Rose smiled shyly at him, and linked her arm through his as she made small steps towards the loo.

Afterwards, James helped tuck her back into bed, but before he could go and pick Sianin up for more cuddles, Rose snagged his arm and asked, “Lay with me? Please?”

He stared longingly at their daughter, wanting to get her warm weight back into his arms, but he nodded and crawled into his half of the bed.

“Try to get some sleep,” Rose mumbled, urging him to spoon her. “In just a few hours, Ainsley will be home and we’ll never get a moment’s peace.”

James chuckled, and nuzzled his nose into Rose’s hair and worked on catching a few hours of sleep.

oOoOo

“Want help showering?” James asked the next morning as Rose brushed her teeth.

“That’d be brilliant, yeah,” she said.

A few minutes later, after checking that Sianin was fast asleep, James helped Rose strip out of her pajamas and get into the shower. He then stepped in behind her and bathed her. But when he went to wash her labia, Rose batted his hand away and said, “Please don’t touch me there, James. It still really hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, moving his hand away immediately. “But you need to stay clean down there, Rose. You’re especially susceptible to infection.”

“I know. Just… not this shower, yeah?” Rose said quietly. “I’ll wash myself more thoroughly later, I promise.”

James pursed his lips and nodded, and dropped to his knees to wash her legs, making sure to not touch anywhere she was still hurting. He winced when he saw how red and swollen her labia looked, and he wished her could take all of her discomfort from her.

When they were both clean, James stepped out of the shower and held his arms out for her to grab onto for balance.

Rose gasped, and said, “James! What happened?”

James worriedly looked around the room then down at himself, but everything was normal. Rose then trailed her fingers up and down his arms, and he finally realized what she’d seen: his skin was dotted with bright red half-moon shaped marks.

“It’s nothing,” he promised, brushing her hands off of him.

“Did I do that?” she asked, and James’s heart fell when he heard her voice crack with tears.

“I told you, it’s nothing,” he assured softly. “I sure as hell won’t hold whatever you did while you were birthing our daughter against you. You know that. Your agony isn’t comparable to the little sting of getting a bit scratched up.”

“Well, I’m still sorry,” Rose whispered, reaching out to bring each of his arms to her lips.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” he said, shrugging. “I’m fine, love. C’mere. Got a nice, fluffy towel, just for you.”

They dried off and changed back into pajamas, knowing they’d only be lounging around the house all day, and for the next several days.

James helped Rose into the living room, where he settled her down on the couch with as many blankets and pillows as she wanted, before he tucked Sianin into her arms and set about making breakfast for them.

“What are you hungry for?” he asked from the entryway to the kitchen.

“Anything,” Rose answered. “I’m starved.”

“All right, a great big breakfast for my beautiful wife, coming right up!” he proclaimed with a grin, and he turned around and began whipping up a full English breakfast.

After breakfast, James set the dishes in the sink to do later, and he settled himself beside Rose with Sianin snugly in his arms.

Around mid-morning, the midwife stopped by to check on everyone. It was a relatively quick visit, and James was relieved when Elizabeth proclaimed that both mother and baby were healthy. They scheduled a follow-up appointment for the next week, then they were left alone again, though not for long. They were both missing their eldest daughter, and were eager for her to come home so they could introduce her to her baby sister.

Rose texted her mum and Robert that they could come by at any time to bring Ainsley home, and barely an hour later, they saw Robert’s car pull into their driveway. James eagerly went to greet them.

“Daddy!”

James beamed as his daughter sprinted from the car towards him. He crouched down and opened his arms for her, laughing as he scooped her up and hugged her close.

“Hello, my darling!” he said, pressing kisses all across her face. “I missed you.”

“I missed you! Where’s Mummy? Where’s Sianin? I wanna see the baby.”

“All right, darling, but remember, you need to be quiet when we go inside,” James said, hovering his index finger in front of his lips in demonstration. “We don’t want to wake the baby, or startle her.”

“I promise, Daddy,” Ainsley whisper-screamed.

“That’s my girl,” he said, giving her a squeeze. He then turned his attention to Robert and Jackie, who were lingering by the car. “You coming?”

“Is Rose ready for visitors?” Robert asked.

“Yep,” he said, nodding towards the house. “She made sure to tell me to bring you inside so she could say hi and introduce you to your newest granddaughter.”

“Daddy!” Ainsley moaned. “I wanna see Mummy and Sianin!”

James chuckled and ruffled Ainsley’s hair.

“All right, darling, we’re going in,” he said. “Indoor voice, remember.”

She nodded solemnly and placed her finger over her lips.

James walked into the house, and announced, “Look who I found outside.”

Rose looked up from where she was reclined on the couch with the baby in her lap, and beamed when she saw Ainsley.

“Mummy!” Ainsley shouted, then cringed and whispered, “Oops. Not supposed to yell.”

“You’re all right,” Rose said, rubbing Sianin’s chest, who stayed blessedly quiet, even though she startled at her sister’s shout. “C’mere, sweetheart. Oh, I missed you!”

James set Ainsley down and watched her sprint to the sofa. She climbed onto the cushions and threw her arms around Rose’s neck.

“Hi, Ainsley,” Rose murmured, cradling the side of Ainsley’s head so she could press a kiss to her daughter’s temple. Then she glanced down and saw Ainsley was still wearing her shoes.

Before she could say anything, James stepped up to the sofa and crouched down.

“Darling, remember, are shoes allowed on the sofa?”

But Ainsley was too transfixed on the sight of her baby sister cradled in Rose’s arms.

“Huh?” she asked distractedly.

James snorted out a laugh. “Sit down for me and I’ll take care of it. Just this once. Seeing your baby sister is exciting, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Ainsley said, keeping her eyes on Sianin.

Ainsley flopped onto her bum, bouncing slightly on the cushions, and stuck her feet towards James. As he unlaced her trainers, Ainsley reached out and grabbed her sister’s little hand as she exclaimed, “Hi, Sianin!” But her face fell when Sianin grunted and flailed her arm away from Ainsley’s touch.

“Gently, sweetheart,” Rose reminded. “Everything is brand new to her. Including touch. We don’t want to scare her, right?”

Rose gently brushed Ainsley’s hair out of her eyes before trailing her fingers down the side of Ainsley’s face in demonstration. “Like this. Gentle touch.”

Ainsley slowly reached out to her sister and softly touched her fingertips to Sianin’s cheek. She stroked her sister’s cheek, then her eyebrows, then moved her fingers down Sianin’s arm until she once again tried to take her hand. She beamed when Sianin’s fingers wrapped around her own.

“Well done,” Rose said proudly. “Do you want to hold her?”

Ainsley’s eyes widened, and Rose quickly assured, “You don’t have to. But if you want to, Mummy will help.”

“Yeah?” Ainsley said, sounding very unsure of herself.

“Let me get settled,” Rose said, shifting around slowly until she was sitting cross-legged and had Sianin tucked in the crook of her arm. “All right, sweetheart. Come here. Sit with your back against Mummy’s belly. Carefully.”

Ainsley dutifully crawled into Rose’s lap, and snuggled back against her mum’s front.

“Why’s your belly big?” Ainsley asked, nudging her elbow back into Rose’s still-swollen stomach. “The baby’s out now.”

“It takes a while for all that weight to go away,” Rose explained. “It took nine months to make Sianin, right? We can’t expect me to look like I did before so soon, can we?”

“No,” Ainsley admitted, and she leaned back against Rose. “You’re squishy. I like it.”

Rose snorted and pressed a kiss to Ainsley’s hair. “Thanks, sweetheart,” she said dryly. “Okay, ready to hold your baby sister?” Ainsley nodded, and Rose carefully brought Sianin in front of Ainsley.

“I’m going to set her bum in your lap, okay?” Rose said, settling most of the baby’s weight in Ainsley’s lap as she spoke. “Now we have to be really careful with her head, okay? Her head is a little too heavy for her neck right now, so we need to help her support it. Put your arm where Mummy’s hand is. There we go. And you’re holding her! Well done, Ainsley.”

Ainsley grinned, looking so proud of herself.

“Daddy, look!”

“I’m looking, darling,” James said, having snapped many photos of his girls as Rose helped Ainsley hold Sianin. “Do you like your baby sister?”

“Uh huh,” Ainsley said, carefully bringing her other hand up to rest on Sianin’s chest. She wrapped her arm around Sianin in a hug, and rested her cheek on the baby’s forehead.

Sianin snuffled and turned her face until she was nuzzling into Ainsley’s chest.

James proudly watched his family cuddle on the couch, then he turned to greet Robert and Jackie.

“Thanks for keeping her,” James said, nodding for them to come into the kitchen. “How was she?”

“Perfect, as always,” Robert said with a smile. “Congratulations, mate. Sianin’s beautiful.”

“Thanks,” he said with a grin, stepping up to accept his father’s hug.

“A stubborn one, so it seems,” Jackie said, embracing him next. “Blimey, Rose was laboring for, what, two days?”

“Just over fifty-one hours.” James’s jaw tightened—he still wasn’t over seeing Rose in pain for that long. “That was… that was rough.”

“But she’s here,” Robert said, recognizing the glint of sorrow in his son’s eyes. “I’ll bet you could use another cuppa tea.”

Robert fixed up a cup for himself and Jackie, while James made one for himself and Rose. When they got back to the living room, Sianin was on Rose’s shoulder, and Ainsley was on her other, hugging her mum tightly to surely make up for two days’ worth of hugs.

James set Rose’s cup of tea on the end table before he sat down beside Rose on the sofa, while Robert and Jackie each came up to Rose to give her a hug and congratulate her. When Rose passed off the baby to Robert, Ainsley crawled out of her lap and into James’s, and he welcomed her with open arms. He’d missed her so much.

“I love you, Ainsley,” he murmured into her hair, holding her tight.

“I love you, too, Daddy,” she replied, pressing a kiss to his cheek before spinning to look at everyone else in the room.

Jackie and Robert stayed throughout most of the afternoon, cleaning the house and making up a few meals for them so they wouldn’t have to worry about cooking that week.

The next couple of weeks passed by rather uneventfully. They were all still giddy over the new baby, especially Ainsley; she loved being with her parents as they took care of Sianin.

“What’s that?” Ainsley asked, as she watched Rose change the baby’s nappy for the first time. She pointed a finger at the umbilical cord stump on Sianin’s stomach. “Where’s her belly button?”

“That will become her belly button,” Rose explained, chucking the soiled nappy into the bin before she grabbed a fresh one. “That’s called an umbilical cord. It’s what helped Sianin grow inside Mummy. That’s how she got food and stuff.”

Ainsley regarded her mother for a few seconds, then she beamed and said, “Food from your belly into Sianin’s belly!”

Rose laughed and picked up the baby.  _Close enough_.

But as with most things, the exhilaration of the new baby soon wore off, and exhaustion and frustration mingled with the love and joy.

“Mummy, look!”

Rose stifled a groan as a second shouting voice added to the noise in the house, making her temples pound.

“In a minute, love,” Rose said, trying to soothe the crying baby in her arms enough so she would latch onto her breast.

“But Mummy, I gotta show you something!”

“One minute,” Rose gritted out as Sianin let out an angry wail as she still was not receiving food.

Meanwhile, Ainsley was bouncing in front of where Rose was sitting on the sofa as she tapped at Rose’s legs for attention.

“Mummy, I drew—”

“I said, wait!” Rose shouted.

Ainsley’s eyes watered as her little body went tense. She sniffled and set the paper in her hands down on the coffee table before turning around and walking quietly from the room.

“No, wait, Ainsley…” Rose’s own eyes were flooding with tears of frustration, and she bit her lip on a sob.  _Shit!_

But the baby in her arms was still demanding her attention, and Rose hated herself that she couldn’t even go comfort her crying daughter until Sianin was fed. Why had she thought she could handle their two children alone while James went to run a few errands?

“C’mon, c’mon,” Rose mumbled, trying to get the baby latched, but it was hard when she was shaking with frustration and the baby was writhing in anger.

Finally, after another few seconds, the baby latched on and started suckling greedily. Rose sighed in relief and sank back into the cushions as she tried to not be impatient that the baby was taking so long to eat.

It took almost twenty minutes, but finally the baby was done and nuzzling Rose’s breast sleepily. She brought Sianin up to her shoulder and rubbed and patted her back, pressing kisses to the baby’s soft skin.

The baby cooed and made a few other whimpering noises before falling asleep.

“I’ll be back,” she whispered, placing Sianin in her cot.

She stood and sighed and rubbed her eyes before turning to walk down the hall to Ainsley’s room.

“Sweetheart?” Rose asked as she knocked on Ainsley’s open door.

Ainsley was lying on her bed with her favorite stuffed wolf. Rose walked into the room and sat down on the edge of her daughter’s bed, encouraged when Ainsley wriggled over to give her more room.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you, sweetheart,” Rose said, reaching out to stroke Ainsley’s hair.

“S’okay,” she whispered, hugging her wolf tighter to her chest.

“No, it isn’t,” Rose said. “But when Mummy tells you to wait, can you try and wait until Mummy’s free? Your sister is really little and she needs a lot of attention right now.”

Ainsley sighed. “I know.”

“Do you want to show me what you made?” Rose offered.

“No. It’s not good,” she murmured.

Rose’s heart broke. How many times had she told herself that as a child because her own mother wasn’t interested in her artistic talents?

“I’m sure it’s wonderful, sweetheart, and I know I’ll love it, because it was made by my favorite three-year-old.”

Ainsley sniffled.

“Ainsley?”

A tiny sob escaped her throat as she wailed, “I don’t like the baby! I miss you and Daddy! You’re busy with Sianin!”

Rose lay down on her daughter’s bed and cuddled her close. Ainsley buried her face into Rose’s chest as she shuddered with sobs.

“Shh, I’m sorry,” Rose murmured, blinking back her own tears. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

And of course, the baby let out a loud cry right at that moment. Rose cursed as Ainsley began crying harder, and Rose felt utterly helpless and overwhelmed. She wanted to hide and cry in peace, but her kids needed her to be strong when all she felt was weak and useless.

She pressed a kiss to Ainsley’s forehead and stood with her in her arms as she walked to the living room to make sure Sianin wasn’t in immediate distress.

Rose placed the dummy back into the baby’s mouth and rubbed her belly gently as she rocked the cot, hoping to soothe the baby back to sleep as she tried to comfort her other daughter while she herself was losing the battle against her tears.

Thankfully, Rose heard the front door unlock just a few minutes later.

“Oh, what’s this? Hush now, darling. Mummy’s taking such good care of you—” James froze in the entryway to the living room when he saw Rose sitting on the floor with Ainsley in her lap as she stroked Sianin’s chest, and all three of them were crying.

“What’s the matter?” he asked immediately, rushing up to everyone and fluttering his hands across his family.

Rose’s face crumpled and she held Ainsley closer, letting James take over comforting Sianin.

“Rose, love, please tell me what’s wrong,” he said frantically, scooping up Sianin to cuddle her close.

“We’re having a bad day,” she managed to rasp, rocking Ainsley back and forth.

James sat on the ground beside Rose and switched the baby to his other shoulder so he could wrap his arm around his wife.

“Hey, there darling, what’s the matter?” he asked, leaning forward to press a kiss on Ainsley’s temple.

“I miss you and Mummy,” she sniffled.

“You see us every day, Ainsley,” James said, confused.

Ainsley shook her head. “It’s not the same! I want to play with you and Mummy and I want it to be like it was before with no baby!”

James stared at his daughter, dumbstruck.

“Oh, darling, I’m sorry,” he whispered, reaching out to run his fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry you feel like that. I know you’re used to having me and Mummy to yourself, but now that your sister is here, you need to share us.”

“I don’t wanna,” Ainsley said petulantly, and James cracked a small smile.

“I miss you too, you know,” James said, trying to catch Ainsley’s eye. “Sometimes I miss how it used to be too.”

“Really?” she asked, her voice warbling.

“Of course. Mummy and I are adjusting too. We were used to being able to spend all of our time with you, and now we’re working to find a balance. Can you be patient with us as we try to find a way to give you and your sister as much of our attention as we can?”

Ainsley seemed to consider for a moment, before she nodded, and turned to crawl into James’s lap. He carefully shifted Sianin to make room for Ainsley, and he hugged her close as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“My time with you may have lessened, but do you know what hasn’t?”

Ainsley shook her head, and James nuzzled his nose against hers.

“My love for you,” he whispered. “You are still my precious little girl, and I fall even more in love with you every day. I love you more than you’ll ever know, Ainsley.”

“Love you, too, Daddy,” she replied, finally giving him a smile.

“There’s my beautiful girl’s beautiful smile,” he said, giving her a tight squeeze. “Feeling a little better?”

“A little,” she allowed.

“Well, that’s progress,” James said. “Daddy’s bum is getting a bit numb, though. Can we take this snuggle to the sofa? Or do you want to read a book? Or draw? Or watch a film?”

Ainsley considered for a moment, before she grinned and said, “Draw!”

“Good plan,” James said. “Let’s get to the kitchen, then.”

Ainsley pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek before crawling out of his lap and sprinting to the kitchen. James shifted to his knees and settled Sianin back into her cot, but before he could stand, he saw that Rose had her face buried in her hands.

“Rose?” he asked, touching her shoulder lightly.

“How do you  _do_  that?” she demanded, swiping at her red, puffy eyes. “How do you magically make everything better? I could’ve said the same bloody thing but Ainsley would still hate me.”

“Hey, now,” he reprimanded gently. “She doesn’t hate you. Far from it. She loves you so much. You two just… you had a bad day together. And that’s all right. This whole thing is a learning curve for us both, eh? We’re doing our best to figure out how to balance two kids, and it’s only logical that we’ll have a few bumps in the road. But I promise you, Ainsley loves you with all her heart.”

“I yelled at her today for wanting to show me what she’d drawn,” Rose mumbled. “I made her feel like her art wasn’t important. And of course that was when Sianin needed a feed so I couldn’t even go to her and explain and make her feel better. God, James, I remember how it felt when my mum scoffed at my love of art, and I just made our daughter feel the same way!”

“Shh,” James soothed, settling beside her to wrap his arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay. It’s all right. She’s forgiven you already, love. She’s forgotten it. That’s the magic of little kids. They’re so forgiving, and our daughter seems more forgiving than most. Why don’t you get a hot shower, relax and regroup, then come draw with us? Show her how wonderful you think her drawings are.”

“Yeah, okay,” Rose whispered. “Are you implying that I smell?”

James exhaled in relief when he heard the teasing tone in her voice.

“Well, you do have a bit of vomit on your neck,” he said, pushing himself to his feet before helping Rose up.

“Oh, thank God,” Rose sighed, feeling the crusty patch on her skin and shirt. “I thought our house just smelled badly.”

“Nah, it’s just you,” he laughed. “Go on. Go scrub off the baby vomit.”

“James,” Rose said before he could walk into their kitchen. She stepped up to him and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Thank you.”

He smiled, and pressed another kiss to her lips. “Anytime, love.”

Rose turned down the hall and towards their bedroom. Her body was aching with exhaustion, and she felt utterly wrung-out. She stripped off her clothes as the last few minutes played on repeat in her head, and how Ainsley was so quick to accept comfort from James and how he was easily able to make her feel better.

Her eyes stung as she turned on the water of the shower as hot as she could stand. She was so useless. She couldn’t even keep her kids happy for the hour that she was left alone with them. She’d made Ainsley cry, and Sianin did nothing  _but_  cry, except when she was feeding.

 _That’s all I’m good for_ , Rose thought bitterly as the first tear fell.  _Just a fucking milk machine._

There was nothing she gave the baby that James couldn’t give her. He could supplement her diet with formula; he could take care of the baby perfectly without her help. Even Ainsley seemed to prefer James’s company to Rose’s. He was the one she went to when she wanted to be read to, he was the one she wanted if she had a bad dream, he was the one she wanted for everything. And why wouldn’t she? James was so perfect at everything, and he was so goddamn lovable. Of course their children would love him more.

Rose’s breath caught in her throat before she coughed it out on a sob. She raked her hands across her face as she tried to push aside the maelstrom of negativity that was choking her.

 _My children love me,_  she told herself weakly.  _Ainsley loves me. I’m just tired. I’m not thinking straight._

But James was just as tired as she was, wasn’t he? He’d gotten about as much sleep as she had gotten over these last few weeks. Probably less, even, as he was always eager to get up in the night and care for their newborn. He was sleep deprived too, yet he wasn’t the one yelling at their kids or failing at parenthood. No, it was just her that was failing.

Did James realize what a rubbish mum she was? Did he realize how much their kids preferred his presence to her own, and that was why he was always rushing to care for them before Rose could? Did he not trust her with their kids? Why should he? She’d just proven today that she couldn’t do it by herself.

Rose’s grief and frustration consumed her and she continued sobbing in the shower as she desperately tried to ignore the fact that their children didn’t need her at all.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, James sat down beside Ainsley and they began coloring together from Ainsley’s favorite Disney-themed coloring book.

“Daddy, stay in the lines,” Ainsley said as she looked up and saw his pitiful attempts at coloring.

“I’m trying, darling,” James said. “Daddy’s not good at art.”

“No,” Ainsley said. “Mummy’s really good. You try.”

James snorted out a laugh.

“Thanks, Ains,” he said dryly. “But yeah, Mummy is really good at drawing, isn’t she?”

“The best,” Ainsley said, setting down her red crayon for a yellow one. “Mummy’s art is so pretty.”

“Yeah it is,” James said.

“Is Mummy gonna draw?” Ainsley asked, glancing around the kitchen as though trying to conjure Rose with sheer willpower.

“After she gets a shower,” James said. But he realized he hadn’t heard the shower in several minutes, and he wondered what might be taking Rose so long. “Let me go see.”

He wandered down the hall to their bedroom, and he smiled when he saw Rose curled up on their bed, sleeping. He quietly closed the door behind him; Rose needed the rest. She was pushing herself too hard with getting up every time Sianin cried at night, no matter if he said he’d get her.

“Mummy’s having a quick nap,” James said when he returned.

Ainsley pouted. “But I wanna draw with Mummy.”

“Maybe when she wakes up,” James said soothingly. “For now, you get Daddy’s poor coloring skills.”

oOoOo

The twenty-fifth of April found Robert spending the day with them. He arrived mid-morning, and Ainsley was utterly delighted that Grandad was there, but she didn’t understand the significance of the day.

While they all took joy in each other’s company, the atmosphere was bittersweet as they all remembered the loss of Vera.

“I can’t believe it’s been ten years,” Robert said wearily as he came back from helping James tuck Ainsley into bed. “It feels like no time at all has passed, but at the same time, it feels like too much time has gone by. So much has changed since then.”

He smiled fondly down at the granddaughter in Rose’s arms.

“I know,” Rose murmured, stroking Sianin’s cheek absently as the baby suckled at her breast. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

He smiled sadly. “Me too. She would’ve loved these girls. And you, Rose. She adored you.”

Rose sniffled back some tears as James entered the living room with a bottle of wine and three glasses.

“It’s partially finished, and this is the only bottle I’m opening,” James assured his dad when Robert glanced warily at the bottle. “Do you want a glass?”

Robert nodded, and he accepted his glass and sank back into the sofa.

The rest of the evening was spent with Robert and James recounting their favorite memories of Vera, and while many laughs were had, the sorrow was also mingling with the evening.

The pain of the loss of a loved one never really went away; Rose had grown up seeing how much the loss of her dad had hurt her mum, and even after all these years, she knew her mum still missed Pete. Rose missed him too, even though she had no memories of him. She missed all that could have been with her dad, and all the lost potential they had.

But the grief and pain they all endured was more than worth it, as it was the price of loving someone. Rose had never known a love deeper than the one she felt for or received from her family, but she had also never known an ache so deep.

Rose cuddled closer to James’s side, hugging his arm to her chest as she glanced at the cot containing their sleeping baby. They all had so much life ahead of them, and there was so much for them as a family to look forward to.

oOoOo

James accepted the quiet baby from his wife as she remained slumped back against her pillows.

“Sleep,” he whispered, bending down to peck a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll keep the kids quiet for you. My birthday gift to you.”

Rose smiled sleepily as she snuggled her way under the blankets. He stepped out of the room and started getting Sianin’s baby bag ready. As he was filling the bag with far too many nappies than he knew he would need, he heard Ainsley’s bedroom door open and he glanced down to see her make her way into the bathroom.

A few minutes later, the toilet flushed and the faucet turned on, and then she stepped out of the bathroom.

“Morning, Ainsley,” he called softly from the living room.

“Daddy!” She ran towards him, then saw he had his shoes on and the baby’s bag ready. “Where you goin’?”

“I’m going out to buy Mummy her birthday roses,” he answered. “Want to come along?”

Ainsley nodded eagerly, and James walked with her down the hall to help her get dressed. She could more or less do it herself, but sometimes sleeves got a little tricky and it was hard for her to turn her clothes around if she put them on backwards.

Several minutes later, James buckled his two girls into the car and drove off into town to collect his order for the twenty-eight roses he’d placed a few days ago.

“Oooh! It’s so pretty!”

Ainsley was utterly entranced by the flower shop, and she ran around the room to look at all of the colorful flowers.

“Do you want to get a few flowers for Mummy?” James asked as the employee of the shop went to collect his order from the back.

Ainsley’s eyes widened. “Yeah!”

When the shop worker reappeared, James said, “Can you help my daughter make a bouquet?”

James watched as Ainsley roamed around the shop, pointing out the various flowers she wanted to give her mum. It was a very unusual array of flowers with far too many colors and it didn’t exactly match, but he knew Rose would absolutely love it.

He paid for their purchases, then got his girls back into the car and drove home again.

Rose was still asleep when they got back, so James set the flowers on the kitchen table as Ainsley retreated to the living room to play. James, meanwhile, brought Sianin’s swing into the kitchen and set her into it as he started on breakfast.

Rose joined them shortly before breakfast was ready.

“Mummy!” Ainsley ran up to Rose and hugged her legs. “Happy Birthday, Mummy!”

“Thank you, Ainsley,” Rose said.

“Look, Mummy! I got you flowers!”

Ainsley reached up for Rose’s hand and tugged her to the kitchen table, where Ainsley’s bouquet and James’s roses were waiting for her.

Rose smiled as she glanced at the gaudy array of flowers made up of all of Ainsley’s favorite colors.

“They’re beautiful, Ainsley,” Rose said. “Thank you.”

She then picked up the little card in front of the roses, even though she knew exactly what it would say.

_Twenty-eight perfect roses for my perfect Rose on her twenty-eighth birthday. A very happy birthday to you, my love, and to many more to come. I love you. James._

“Thank you, love,” Rose said, stepping up to give James a hug.

“You’re very welcome,” he said, pressing a long kiss to the side of her head.

Much like the first time they had celebrated her birthday, Rose’s request for the day was something calm and quiet. James very much understood that request, and he had to admit he appreciated it, too.

They mostly stayed in the house, reading or playing with Ainsley, but the sun peeked out after lunchtime. Despite it being the end of April, it was a bit chilly outside, so James and Rose bundled up both girls before they took a walk together in the park.

James made sure to keep an eye on Rose for any signs that she was exhausted and wanted to go home, but she seemed happy and content for the afternoon, and they stayed out for several hours, enjoying the fresh air and the promises of future warmth.

oOoOo

James sighed as Sianin continued to fuss in his arms and turn her head away from the bottle he was offering.

“I know you’re hungry, darling,” he said.

Sianin whimpered and turned her head into his shirt. She nuzzled her face around and reached up to touch his chest, looking for her lunch.

“It’s right here,” he said, brushing the nipple of the bottle against her lips. “C’mon, darling. Please eat. It’s the same milk you’d get from Mummy, just in a different package.”

The baby finally turned her head and opened her mouth, and James stuck the nipple into her mouth, relieved when she began eating.

“I swear she hates being bottle fed by me,” James grumbled. “I’m so useless.”

“She’s just used to breastfeeding,” Robert soothed. “You’re not useless, James.

“Rose is usually the one that feeds her,” James said. “Sianin knows this is wrong and she wants Rose.”

“James, look, she’s eating just fine,” Robert said, gesturing to the baby.

But after Sianin finished her bottle, she began whining once more. Even after James got her to burp a few times, she writhed in his arms as she began working herself into a fit.

“Does Sianin want to walk with Grandad for a little bit?” Robert cooed, holding his arms out for the baby.

James sighed and passed the baby to his father as he stood up with the empty bottle and retreated to the kitchen to wash it. He listened as Sianin continued to wail as Robert took her into the various rooms of the flat, then outside to check the mail.

When they returned, Sianin was quiet and gurgling happily in Robert’s arms as she scrunched an envelope in her hands.

“You just wanted to go outside for a little bit, didn’t you?” Robert asked, bouncing Sianin as he took the envelope away from her and chucked it onto the coffee table. “Do you just want to sit with Grandad? You look quite cozy.”

James glared at his dad as he continued speaking softly to the baby, and as Sianin remained happy and content.

They stayed with his dad for dinner, then when James took Sianin from his father, she moaned and wriggled in his arms.

“I’m not that horrible, am I?” he asked, adjusting his hold on his daughter as she continued to squirm.

“She’s just sleepy, James,” Robert said, standing to walk them out. “She was almost asleep just now.”

James rolled his eyes as he opened the front door with more force than necessary. The noise caused Sianin to jump, and she began crying in earnest.

“I’m sorry, darling,” he said, trying to press kisses to her hair, but it was difficult to hit a moving target. He waved goodbye to his dad, then opened the back seat to buckle Sianin in. “We’ll get you home to Mummy soon enough,” he murmured, feeling his chest burning with jealousy at his dad and Rose. “I know that’s who you really want.”

James tried not to feel frustrated that he wasn’t able to handle their baby by himself for the day, but feelings of uselessness still swelled through him. Rose was so much better with Sianin.

The baby quieted and fell asleep on the drive home, and he breathed a grateful sigh. It might only be because she was asleep, but finally she’d quieted down when she was alone with him.

When he arrived home, she was still asleep.

“I’m back!” he called as he shut the front door behind him,

“Shh!” Rose looked over at him from the couch, where Ainsley was curled up in the corner, sleeping.

“Why’s she still napping?” James asked, scrunching his nose. Ainsley’s bedtime was in just three hours. “She’ll be up all night!”

“She wouldn’t sleep!” Rose snapped, hearing the slightly disapproving tone of his voice.  _As if I don’t already feel bloody useless_. “I’ve been trying since noon to get her to go down, but she bloody refused! She just fell asleep thirty minutes ago.”

Rose’s eyes drifted to the baby in his arms, and a pang of bitterness swelled up inside her when she saw Sianin sleeping peacefully with her head tucked into James’s neck.

“Looks like she was good for you,” Rose mumbled angrily.

James walked into the living room and set Sianin down in her cot before he whispered, “Yeah. Yeah, we had a good day.”

oOoOo

As Rose’s six-week checkup drew near, her inner turmoil increased. This was supposed to be the milestone that stated she was ready to return to her normal life, post-baby, but she felt as far from ready as you could get. Every day seemed to bring new proof that she couldn’t handle two kids, and it was harder and harder to fake the joy a new baby was supposed to bring.

But she couldn’t stop time, or even slow it down, and finally, she found herself sitting in Elizabeth’s office. The physical itself had been painless, but when Elizabeth confirmed she was cleared for sexual activity, Rose tensed. Sex was honestly the last thing she wanted right now, and she had been trying hard to not think about  _that_  implication of this visit. Now, sitting with her midwife in the comfy chairs the office provided, Rose felt her facade crumbling.

Elizabeth paused in the middle of a sentence, then asked, “Rose, how are you feeling, emotionally? You've been more quiet than usual today.”

“I’m fine,” Rose said with a smile. “Just tired. You know how it is.”

Elizabeth leveled her with a look that made Rose feel like she’d been found out. Rose dropped her gaze to her hands and hoped Elizabeth would just let it go.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you’re not excited about being cleared for sex,” Elizabeth said cautiously.

Rose felt tears stinging behind her eyes and she tried to discreetly wipe them away. But more took their place, blurring her vision and tightening her chest until she choked out a sob.

“I’m so useless!” she exploded. “The girls are miserable and are always crying, and they hate being with me. Now I’ve been cleared for sex, and I don’t want it at all, but I should because James has been excited about this appointment and getting the go-ahead to resume shagging. He’s been so bloody wonderful, I should want to do this for him, but I don’t. God, I don’t! I can’t do anything right!”

Rose covered her face with her hands as her tears poured down her cheeks. A hand touched her back and rubbed soothing circles.

“Here’s a tissue, if you want,” Elizabeth murmured.

Rose gasped for breath as she took the offered tissue and tried to stem her tears. It took a few minutes, but Elizabeth sat next to her patiently and continued providing fresh tissues.

“Have you spoken to James about this?” Elizabeth asked. When Rose shook her head, Elizabeth furrowed her brow and asked, “Why not?”

“He can’t know how awful I am,” Rose whispered. “He can’t know how much I hate being a mum!”

Elizabeth’s face softened, and she said, “You don’t hate being a mum.”

“But I do!” Rose exploded. “I… I… I…”

Her words dissolved on a sob, and more tears streamed down her face. Elizabeth moved to wrap her arm around Rose’s shoulders, and she hugged her as Rose continued to cry.

“You love your kids,” Elizabeth said. “I know you do, because I’ve seen you with them. Ainsley absolutely adores you, and you adore her. Both of your faces light up when you see each other. You’ve never been able to stop talking about her in all the months I’ve gotten to know your family.”

“Then why do I feel like this?” Rose whimpered. “I feel nothing! Oh, God, I don’t feel anything for my daughters! I don’t… I’m…”

“Firstly, you’re exhausted,” Elizabeth said gently.

“How can I be exhausted when I haven’t done anything?” Rose asked. “James is the one that’s been taking care of the girls.”

“I don’t believe that,” Elizabeth said. “You’re breastfeeding. Which means you’re the primary person to feed your baby. And Rose, you  _look_  exhausted. Have you actually been getting any sleep?”

Rose shook her head. “The baby is up every bloody hour, it seems, and she never wants to sleep!”

“I’m sure the baby is sleeping more than that,” Elizabeth said. “But secondly, your hormone levels are out of sync right now. Pregnancy wreaks havoc on the body in so many ways, and you and your body are trying to figure out how to get back to baseline.”

“I didn’t feel like this after Ainsley,” Rose whispered, picking at the tissue in her hands.

“All pregnancies and births are different,” Elizabeth said. “But you’re not alone, Rose. You have the support of your friends and family. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them. Especially James. That man loves you so much Rose, and if he knew how much you were struggling, he would do anything to help you.”

Rose sniffled, and willed herself to believe Elizabeth.

“I think you ought to speak with a professional,” Elizabeth said. “Our office works closely with a psychiatrist that specializes in postpartum depression. I think you would benefit a lot from seeing her.”

Elizabeth handed her a business card, and Rose glanced at the contact information before tucking it into her pocket.

oOoOo

“So, that’s the girls to bed,” James murmured, curling up beside her on the sofa. “If our luck holds, we’ll have about four hours until Sianin’s up. Lots can be done in four hours.”

James rested his hand on her thigh and pressed small kisses across her cheek and down her jaw, and Rose felt like she could cry with frustration. But she tamped it down. He didn’t know. He didn’t know, because she never told him.

“James, stop,” she whispered.

He froze, and backed off.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I’m not ready,” she said to her lap.

“Didn’t the doctor clear you for sex?”  he asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.

“Yeah, my body’s ready,” she said bitterly. “But  _I’m_  not. Jesus, James. Have you forgotten how bloody awful Sianin’s birth was? Of course you did, because you didn’t have to squeeze a little person out of your vagina!”

“Rose, wait…”

“It was agony, James!” Rose said, her speech speeding in agitation. “It was the worst pain I’d ever felt in my life—even worse than Ainsley’s birth—and I’m not ready for anything to be touching me down there, and it feels like I never will, and I hate it, because I want to make love with you again, but then I remember the birth and I remember how excruciating it was, and I get trapped in the memories and it hurts so much that I can’t breathe!”

James was staring at her, wide-eyed, before he pulled her into his arms.

“God, Rose, why didn’t you say something?” he whispered, his heart breaking for her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Rose shuddered out a sob in his arms, and clung tightly to his shoulders.

“I feel so tired, James,” she cried. “All the time. And then I can’t sleep at night, and it’s impossible to nap during the day, because Ainsley and Sianin never seem to go down at the same time.”

“Oh, Rose,” he whispered, hugging her tighter. “Why haven’t you told me? I would’ve taken the girls out for a few hours during the day so you could sleep.”

“Because I already feel like a rubbish mum! I don’t…” Rose gulped in a deep breath as she steeled herself for her next words, and for his reaction. “I don’t feel connected to Sianin. I’ve been trying even harder to take care of her to show myself I love my baby, and what kind of terrible mother does that make me if I have to force it! But no matter how hard I try, she and Ainsley love you more and want you all the time and I feel like such a failure! Our kids hate me and would be so much better with you. They don’t need me at all. None of you do!”

Rose was sobbing heavily by now, and James felt near-tears, too.

“Don’t say that,” he croaked, feeling numb. “Don’t you say that, Rose.”

“It’s true,” she whimpered.

“It’s not,” he argued. He was beginning to feel angry at Rose for talking about herself like that, and at himself for not realizing how upset she’d been these last few weeks. But he shoved it aside. Him getting angry would only make things worse. “I need you. Our girls need you. We all need you. Furthermore, we all  _want_  you. I don’t want to be doing this with anyone but you, Rose. I don’t.”

“You could, though,” Rose grumbled.

“Yeah, I could, and so could you,” James said, trying to make her see reason. “But why would I want to do this alone?”

Rose sniffled and shrugged, and James’s stomach sank as he realized he didn’t convince her at all.

He squeezed her shoulders tightly and pressed his lips to her hair.

“You’re not a rubbish mum,” he whispered fiercely. “You’re not. Our girls love you so much, and you take such good care of them, Rose. And I’m so, so,  _so_  sorry I didn’t realize how much you’ve been struggling. God, Rose, my heart is breaking for you. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “Or for you to get angry.”

“Oh, Rose, I’d never be angry or disappointed with you,” he said. “Not for this. Never for this. I’m so sorry, love. How can I help? We can make an appointment with a counselor. I’ll be more helpful around the house. I’ll pamper you until you feel like the goddess that you are, Rose. Just tell me what to do.”

Rose reached up and swiped at her eyes and nose before burying her head in his shoulder.

“Elizabeth recommended a counselor for me,” she said. “I broke down like this in her office, terrified I didn’t love my baby. God, I feel like such a failure, James.”

“You’re not,” he said firmly, pulling back to look at her. “You’re not a failure. I promise. You are the best mum in the world, and the best wife in the world, and the best soulmate in the world. And I’m sorry that I assumed that you would be mentally ready for sex. That was incredibly rude and selfish of me. We can wait as long as you need, be it weeks, months, or years. Or never.”

Rose snorted. “Never? You don’t mean that.”

“I do,” James said earnestly, cupping her jaw and urging her to look at him. “Sex isn’t what defines our relationship, and while it’s brilliant and I enjoy it very much, it definitely isn’t the thing I love most about our relationship. Doesn’t even make top five.”

Rose scoffed.

“I’m serious!” he insisted. “I’ve got a list! Quite an impressive list, if I say so myself. Number one: holding you when you’re falling asleep, because that means we’re together and that you trust me and are comfortable to fall asleep in my arms. And it feels so good to hold you like that.

“Number two: getting messages from you on my arms, because it’s undeniable proof that we are made for each other, out of everyone else in the world.

“Number three: seeing you smile, because it means I’ve succeeded in making you happy, and because you have the most beautiful smile out of anyone who has ever lived.

“Number four: kissing you. Not snogging—though that’s quite lovely too—but just soft kisses we give each other before and after work or before we go to bed and when we wake up in the morning. Those kisses are my favorite, because it means our love is so vibrant, so all-encompassing, that it can’t be contained and needs an outlet.

“Number five: waking up and you’re the first thing I see. That actually should be number one. Remind me to give you the revised list when I make that change. But every morning that I wake up with you beside me means that we have another day together, and that’s my favorite thing.”

Rose sniffled and buried her face into his shoulder as she hugged him fiercely.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “God, I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he murmured, stroking his fingers through her hair. “If you want, I can keep going.”

Rose let out a laugh, and James felt a surge of pride and happiness swell through him at the sound.

He contented himself with holding her close for a few more minutes until her tears stopped and she was no longer hiding her face in his neck. When she instead rested her cheek on his shoulder, James reached down and twined their fingers together before he murmured, “Sianin’s birth was agonizing for me, too, you know. Obviously not in the way it was for you. I’m not trying to draw that comparison, you definitely had it worse, don’t think I’m making light of it, because I’m not.”

“I didn’t think you were,” Rose assured.

“Do you know how hard it was for me to watch you go through that?” he asked, his voice trembling. “Fifty-one hours, you were laboring. And for all that time, I kept thinking what I wouldn’t give to be able to take your place. Watching you go through that pain… I felt so helpless, Rose.”

“You were great,” Rose said, leaning back to look at him. “You were the best.”

James gave her a half smile, then said, “Let’s go to bed, eh? Don’t worry about getting up to feed Sianin tonight. I’ll use one of the bottles in the fridge.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, standing up and letting James lead her to their bedroom.

“Positive,” he said. “I love feeding her, and you’ve barely let me do it.”

Rose winced, and mumbled, “Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry,” he said lightly. “I should’ve insisted you let me help more. Don’t worry, Rose. We’ll figure this out and get through this together. I promise. I’m here for you no matter what.”

“Thanks, James,” she said tiredly as she changed into pajamas.

“Anytime.”

They moved around each other in their familiar nighttime routine, and they were soon lying in bed side by side, staring at the ceiling.

“Can we…?”

“Sure,” he said, turning his head to look at her.

She stifled a smirk and said, “You don’t even know what I was gonna say.”

“Doesn’t matter,” James said, shrugging. “You know I will give you everything I can, Rose. Or do anything. Say the words, and it’s yours.”

Rose smiled widely at him in the dark, and she asked, “Can we have a cuddle? Been awhile since we’ve done that.”

“Course we can,” he said, rolling over to spoon up behind her.

He slotted the length of his body against hers and hugged her tight to his front, enjoying the feel of her in his arms. Maybe his revised list would have two number ones, he mused. Waking up beside Rose was utterly fantastic, no doubt about that, but falling asleep beside her was just as perfect. It meant they made it through another day and that they’d spent it together, and to James, there was no one else on the planet he’d rather fall asleep and wake up next to.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Rose works through her depression with James's help.
> 
> Chapter Rating: Explicit
> 
> Postpartum depression warning

As per usual, the sound of a whimpering baby awoke them in the middle of the night. James reached over and patted Rose’s hip clumsily as he mumbled, “I’ll get her.”

Rose rolled over and hugged the duvet to her chest, but found she couldn’t get back to sleep, even though she was so exhausted. Sianin had worked herself into a crying fit, and the sound made Rose’s breasts begin to leak, conditioned as they were that the baby’s cry meant it was time to nurse.

“Shit,” she grumbled as the front of her shirt grew damp.

She forced herself out of bed and stripped off her shirt. She donned a dressing gown as she made her way to the kitchen, where she heard James speaking softly to their daughter.

“I’m getting this nice and warm for you,” James said, bouncing slightly as he tried to soothe Sianin. “Just like you’d get from Mummy. Be patient for just a few more seconds, then I’ll feed you.”

“I don’t think she’s quite capable of understanding the concept of patience right now,” Rose teased, leaning against the door frame.

James glanced up and frowned.

“What are you doing up?” he asked. “I said I’d get her so you could sleep.”

Rose shrugged. “My breasts feel too full and are leaking. Here, I’ll just get her.”

But to her surprise, James clutched the baby tighter to him and said, “No. Please.”

She furrowed her brow.

“I…” James sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “I really want to do this. Please. I’ve felt… I just need to do this, Rose.”

Rose scrutinized him for a moment, then said, “Let me get the pump, then we can talk?”

James nodded, and Rose watched him take the bottle out of the warm water bath before testing a few drops on his wrist.

When Rose joined him in the living room, breast pump in hand, she saw him sitting cross-legged on the sofa with their baby in his arms as he fed her. She smiled softly at the picture they made.

She settled onto the far end of the sofa and leaned her back against the armrest to face him. Once she started pumping her milk, she said, “Okay, what’s going on?”

James kept his eyes trained on Sianin as he quietly said, “I haven’t been entirely honest with you, either.”

“What do you mean?” Rose asked, furrowing her brow.

“With the kids,” he said, finally looking up at her. “I haven’t been telling you how hard it’s been for me, and how much I’ve been struggling. Like last weekend, when I took Sianin to my dad’s for the day. She was awful.”

Rose frowned. “You said she was good for you.”

“No, I said we’d had a good day,” James corrected. “And we did… just as long as Dad was holding her. She wanted nothing to do with me. She cried if I even looked at her, it seemed. It hurt to see her being so good for my dad but being miserable with me. And she’s always great for you. It’s just me.”

“James, no,” Rose said, even as she tried to stifle her irritation that he hadn’t told her any of this before. “She loves you.”

“She’s an infant. She doesn’t know what love is, yet,” James said with a sniff.

“Bollocks,” Rose scoffed. “She doesn’t have the words for it, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel it. Blimey, James, are you even seeing her right now?”

James blinked over at Rose in confusion. But Rose was too busy seeing the way Sianin was utterly relaxed in his arms with her hands wrapped around the hand holding the bottle and the way her eyes were transfixed on his face.

“Our baby loves you, James,” Rose said softly. “She really, really does.”

James gave her a half smile before he continued staring down at Sianin’s face.

“Why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling?” Rose asked. “We promised we’d always be open and honest with each other.”

“Pot, kettle.” James snorted mirthlessly. “Don’t chastise me when you did the same thing.”

“Because I thought you were so bloody brilliant with our kids and I felt like a bloody failure, James,” Rose snapped.

“And it didn’t occur to you I didn’t say anything for the same reason?” he retorted.

Rose blinked. No, it hadn’t.

“But you always looked so calm and collected,” Rose mumbled.

“And so did you,” James argued.

“I didn’t feel like it,” Rose said.

“And neither did I,” he replied with a shrug.

Rose gritted her teeth before she exhaled a soft laugh, letting the tension leave her body. “We’re a mess.”

James finally cracked a grin as he looked over at her. “Maybe just a little bit. But we’ll be all right. We’ll always be all right. And the therapy should help.”

Rose flinched. “I-I’m okay. It was just a bad night.”

“No, it wasn’t,” James said. “You’ve been struggling with this for awhile, Rose. You said so yourself.”

“Yeah, but it’s not all the time,” she said. “Just a few days here and there.”

“Rose, love, that’s not true and you know it,” he said gently. He breathed in deeply and let it out slowly before he said, “After Mum died, I tried doing what you’re doing. I tried not to let you know how hurt and not okay I was, because I didn’t want to hurt you by making you feel like you weren’t good enough because I still felt like shit. So I lied, to myself and to you, and it all blew up in our faces. I don’t want that to happen to us again, Rose. Please. Because this time, it’s not just you and me. It’s Ainsley and Sianin, too.”

Rose sniffled, feeling her eyes burning with tears, which seemed to be her constant state of being, lately.

“I feel like I’m admitting defeat,” she whispered. “Like I’m admitting that I can’t do this.”

“That’s not it at all,” James said fiercely. “You’re just admitting that you need some help, and that’s completely fine. There is nothing shameful about needing help, or asking for it.”

James’s last sentence hung heavy in the air for a few seconds before Rose nodded. She picked at her cuticles and continued to watch James feed their baby before she agreed to call for an appointment when the office opened later that morning.

oOoOo

James fretted around the house all afternoon while Rose was at her first therapy appointment. He knew how hard it had been for her to go to the appointment; he still vividly remembered the embarrassment and feelings of helplessness when he’d finally given in and spoken to someone about his depression after his mum died. Coming home and being able to cuddle with Rose had helped, and he was determined to be there for her like she was for him.

Now, if only the girls would cooperate for him…

Ainsley wanted him to play with her, Sianin wanted to cry, and all he wanted was to get the house cleaned and start on supper.

“Ainsley, I could use a really big helper in here,” James lied, knowing the meal prep would take twice as long with a three-year-old helping. “Do you want to help me make supper? Then we can play as it cooks.”

“Okay!” she said brightly.

James lifted her up so she could sit on the counter. That was one child mollified, but Sianin was still unhappy.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, picking her up out of the baby seat he’d set on the kitchen table. “I know you want Mummy, but Mummy isn’t here, so you’re stuck with Daddy.”

Sianin snuffled and whimpered as James lifted her to sniff her bum.

“Nope, your nappy still smells clean,” he said. “And I fed you a half hour ago. I don’t know, darling. Can’t you be good for Daddy? Please? I’m trying my best, I swear to you.”

James sighed as she continued to whine and squirm in his arms. He shifted his hold on her and brought her to his shoulder as he walked her around the kitchen, gathering the ingredients he needed.

“And we need some salt, and thyme, and basil,” James murmured. “Just a teensy bit of pepper. Not too much, because your sister doesn’t really like it. Ooh, how about some rosemary? Are you gonna help Daddy and Ainsley make supper, Sianin? You can supervise.”

It wasn’t until James set the final ingredient onto the counter that he realized the baby was quiet. She had nuzzled her cheek into his chest and rested her forehead against his neck and was contentedly sucking on her fist.

“Hey, look at you!” he whispered. “Thank you, darling.”

But when he set her back into her seat, her face scrunched up and she began to cry and flail her arms.

“Oh! Do you just want a Daddy cuddle?” James asked happily. “Is that it? Well hang on, darling, let me get the wrap.”

James jogged to the nursery for the baby sling, fastening it around his torso as he walked back to the kitchen. Ainsley was still sitting on the counter, and had begun lining up all of the ingredients in order of the smallest canister to the largest, and Sianin was still fussing.

“All right,” James said, lifting Sianin out of her seat. He bundled her up into the sling, and he smiled when she calmed and nuzzled her face into his chest again. It seemed as though his baby didn’t actually hate him after all. “Beautiful.”

James spent the next hour preparing dinner, letting Ainsley help sprinkle on seasonings and rub them into the chicken.

“Ew!” she giggled when she poked a finger into the chicken. “It’s cold. And slimy.”

“Yep, it is,” James said. “Time to wash our hands now. Raw chicken is really icky and full of bacteria that will make us sick. We’ve got to kill all that nasty bacteria because we don’t want to get sick, right?”

“Nope,” Ainsley said, pumping a dollop of soap onto her palm. She carefully rubbed her hands together and worked the soap into a thick lather. “Did I get all the bac… bacter… batter...?”

Ainsley face scrunched in frustration as she fumbled over the word.

“Remember to sound it out,” James said. “Slowly. Bac-ter-i-aaaa.”

He drew out the last syllable to make Ainsley giggle.

“Bac-ter-i-aaaa,” she imitated. Then she grinned, pleased with herself. “Bac-teeeeer-i-a!”

“Well done, darling,” he praised. He turned on the tap for her to rinse her hands before he said, “And yes, I think you got the bacteria. Well. Our skin is covered in natural bacteria anyways, but that’s good bacteria. But I think you’ve got all the bad bacteria.”

“How do you know if it’s good or bad?” Ainsley asked as James blotted her hands dry.

“There’s really no easy way to tell, but our bodies are good at keeping all the good bacteria alive and healthy,” James explained. “And we just need to be mindful of the places we could come into contact with bad bacteria. Mummy and I are here to help you learn where the bad bacteria come from. Raw food, for example, is a major source of bad bacteria.”

Ainsley was enraptured by the concept of bacteria, and after James put the meal in the oven, rather than want to play, Ainsley wanted to know more about bacteria.

Never one to stifle a learning opportunity, James settled himself on the sofa with Ainsley, Sianin, and his iPad, and he pulled up a Google Image search of bacteria and wracked his brain for any facts he had on the microorganisms.

With both of his girls sitting calmly in his arms, James felt a large portion of his insecurities fade away. Now that he’d told Rose how he had been feeling, he realized there was no pressure for him to live up to the perceived notion that he was the perfect parent. Just being himself seemed to do the trick.

When Rose came home fifteen minutes before supper was finished, he was still curled up on the couch with Ainsley and Sianin, and they were still looking at pretty microscope images of bacteria.

“Hey,” he greeted, stepping up to her to peck a kiss to her forehead. “How’d it go?”

“Really well,” Rose said enthusiastically. “Her name is Doctor Maggie Ross. She mostly wanted to know about our family this week. She’s really nice and put me at ease and I honestly felt better after leaving her office.”

“Oh, good!” James said happily. “I’m glad. Same time next week for an appointment?”

“Yep,” Rose said.

Both Rose and James were in a better mood than they had been recently, and their dinner was filled with laughter and easy conversation that made them both feel confident that they were heading back in the right direction.

After dinner, James and Rose were curled up on the couch reading a book together as Ainsley played on the floor. But after a few minutes, Ainsley was demanding their attention.

“Mummy! Daddy!”

James and Rose looked up from their e-reader and saw Ainsley kneeling in front of the baby.

“Sianin’s smiling!” Ainsley said excitedly. She turned back to her sister and took Sianin’s feet in her hands and gently clapped them together.

James watched, delighted, as Sianin waved her arms and gurgled as she flashed a big grin.

“Oh!”

He dropped to the floor and saw Rose do the same.

“Bugger, where’s my phone?” he grumbled, patting his pockets.

“I’ve got mine,” Rose said distractedly as she crouched beside Ainsley, who had stopped playing with the baby. “Sianin, sweetheart, what a beautiful smile! Can Mummy see it?”

Sianin blinked up at Rose and flailed her feet.

“Ains, see if you can make her smile again,” James encouraged, eager to see his youngest daughter’s smile.

Ainsley once again tapped her sister’s feet together while making a popping noise with her mouth every time her feet touched. Sianin cooed and grinned widely at everyone, and she sustained the smile as Ainsley continued playing with her.

James and Rose smiled at each other, both feeling giddy with the newest progress their baby was making. James scooted closer to Rose and wrapped an arm around her waist; with her first therapy session having gone well and now their baby beginning to smile at them, he felt they were definitely on the road to healing.

That confidence continued to build into the following week, as Rose came home from her second therapy session feeling positive and happy.

They occasionally hit a few speed bumps, but that was mostly when Sianin or Ainsley pitched a fit. But they dealt with the fits together, and they weren’t embarrassed about asking the other to handle the screaming child for a few minutes so they could take a quick breather.

When she and James were able to calm and quiet Ainsley after she threw a tantrum because her parents weren’t playing with her because they were busy cleaning the house and tending to the baby, Rose wondered why she’d ever thought she needed therapy. She and James had everything under control—well, as under control as their life could be with a two-month-old and a three-year-old.

However, on the afternoon of Rose’s third therapy appointment, that control cracked. Ainsley had been completely awful all day. She’d wet the bed during the night and cried when she woke up and realized it; she didn’t want anything James or Rose made her for breakfast and threw all of her food across the kitchen, and some rogue bits of egg hit the baby which scared her and made Sianin start to cry; and she didn’t want to go down for her afternoon nap, even though Rose and James knew she was exhausted.

Both she and James were seemingly at their wits end, and Rose had offered to skip her therapy session to help James with their irate child, but he eventually told her to go to her appointment, and that he would handle it.

When she stepped into the waiting room, a new message was waiting for her on her arm.

 _Ainsley finally went down. So did Sianin. Silence has never sounded so heavenly. Good luck at your appointment, I’ll see you when you get home xoxo_.

Tears burned in Rose’s eyes, making her already-aching head pound as she fought them back.

“Rose?”

Rose glanced up and saw Maggie walking towards her. She sniffled and quickly swiped at her eyes before she smiled and headed back to her therapist’s office.

“You seemed really upset just now,” Maggie said when they were both settled in the office, her with a coffee and Rose with a cup of tea.

“Ainsley was having a meltdown all day,” Rose mumbled, playing with her teabag. “My head’s aching.”

Maggie nodded but stayed quiet, sensing there was more that Rose wasn’t saying.

“James just said the girls finally went down,” Rose said, nodding to the message on her forearm. “Of course. As soon as I leave. S’what always happens.”

“How do you mean?”

“James is the perfect bloody parent,” Rose sighed. “The girls are always so good for him. He doesn’t think so, though, and it makes me so bloody annoyed to hear him complain that he’s no good with the girls.  _I’m_  not bloody good with the girls—he’s a bloody parenting genius!”

“I don’t believe that,” the therapist said gently.

“It’s true!” Rose snapped. “I’m a fucking awful mum and I’ve completely ruined my family!”

“How so?”

“Oh, I dunno,” Rose said scathingly, “let’s think. Ainsley hates me for giving her a sister she despises. And she hates that James and I can’t give her the attention she was used to. I thought she’d be adjusted to the new baby by now, but she still wants my attention every five minutes and she screams for hours when I can’t give it to her.

“Then there’s James, who’s saddled with a useless parenting partner. I can’t calm either of the kids, and he must think I’m so fucking pathetic because he steps in to take over, like today, and of course the girls calm down for him. And I’m a useless wife! He wants to have sex again and I don’t. He says he’s completely fine with not shagging, but I know he’s lying. He’s got one hell of a sex drive and he can’t just turn it off.

“And Sianin. She’s just a little baby and can’t help but get caught in the shitstorm that is our family right now. I should’ve known I couldn’t handle two kids!”

Rose’s breath hitched in her chest as tears streamed down her face.

“Do you wish you and James didn’t have Sianin?” Maggie asked.

Rose stopped short. Did she wish they didn’t have Sianin? Rose tried to imagine her life without her baby, and a denial so hot and vehement swelled up inside her until she thought she might suffocate from it.

“No!” Rose exclaimed fiercely. As tired, frustrated, and upset as she was, she couldn’t wish that her baby didn’t exist.

Maggie sat back in her seat and smiled over the rim of her coffee mug. Irritation prickled across Rose’s scalp.

“Of course you don’t,” Maggie said before Rose could snap at her. “Because despite how overwhelmed you feel, you love your daughters. Both of them. Struggling to bond with your baby doesn’t mean you don’t love her, Rose.”

Rose scowled down into her mug, annoyed that she didn’t have an argument to that.

“So what,” she mumbled. “I’m still bloody useless to James.”

“Because you won’t have sex with him?” Maggie asked.

Rose shrugged and stayed quiet.

“Has he pressured you for sex?” the therapist asked.

Rose shook her head. “No. No, he’s been amazing about that once I told him I wasn’t ready for it. He’s said he doesn’t need sex.”

Maggie furrowed her brows. “And you think he’s lying?”

Rose blinked. “What?”

“You think he’s lying,” Maggie repeated. “You’d even said so earlier.”

“Maybe not lying,” Rose allowed. “Just… not being truthful. I know he wants sex, even if he’s not pushing for it.”

“And why do you think that is?” Maggie asked. When Rose stayed quiet, she continued, “Is sex the only thing you provide for James?”

Rose’s face scrunched up in confusion. “No?”

“No,” Maggie repeated firmly. “You have so much more to offer him than your body. Don’t equate being a good wife to only your ability to satisfy his physical needs. He has other needs too, mental and emotional ones, and you help him satisfy those. Rose, you ought to trust James. If he says he’s satisfied without sex, you should believe him.”

Rose sniffed and looked down into her mug. Unbidden, the list James had made for her a few weeks ago popped into her head.

“He said something like a little while ago,” Rose whispered. “But I just… I hate that I don’t feel like myself. I loved our sex life as much as James did, and I want to be me again!”

Maggie nudged a box of tissues towards Rose, and she gratefully grabbed a handful to swipe at her streaming nose and blot her eyes.

When she was more or less composed again, Maggie said, “The real issue is you not feeling yourself, Rose. Not having sex. I’m here to help you feel more like yourself, and hopefully once we conquer that, everything else will fall into place.” Maggie then glanced at her wristwatch. “We still have ten minutes left to your session, but why don’t we end it a bit early tonight? You already have a lot to work through from today.”

Rose nodded and handed Maggie her half-drunk mug of tea before she made her way to her car.

James was waiting for her when she got home that evening, and he knew immediately that the session hadn’t gone well.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Rose whispered, burying her face into his chest. “Please, James.”

It was hard for him to not push for more, but he swallowed all the questions he had and instead nodded and held her closer.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he murmured into her hair, rubbing his hand up and down her spine.

“No,” she whispered, hugging him tighter. She was glad the girls were in bed, because she really needed James to herself tonight.

James nodded and pressed tiny kisses to her hair.

“Are you hungry?” he asked. “I didn’t feel like cooking, and we don’t have much in. But I can order something.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head.

“You have to eat, love,” he chastised gently. “You didn’t eat much before your appointment. We can have anything you want. Pizza? Fish and chips? Chinese? Thai? Anything you want.”

“I’m really not hungry,” she insisted.

James sighed, but nodded.

“Well, I’m hungry,” he said. “I’m going to order something for myself. And if you change your mind, I’ll even share.”

Rose snorted against him, and he smiled in return. He pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead and said, “I could do with a movie night? A bit of Netflix and chill, eh?”

Rose’s eyes stung with more tears. To any other couple in the world, ‘Netflix and chill’ meant he wanted sex. But Rose knew better. Ever since James’s misunderstanding of the phrase when they were younger, they’d always used it to refer to their outstanding movie nights. It meant a strictly innocent cuddle on the couch as a movie played, with no expectation or desire for sex afterward. And that was exactly was Rose was craving.

“Okay,” she whispered, sniffling back the lump in her throat. “Let me get a shower, first?”

James nodded and pressed a firm kiss to her brow before they parted ways, her to shower, him to order food.

When they reconvened a half hour later, James was sprawled on the couch with a large box of pizza on the coffee table, and two slices were already missing.

“What do you feel like watching?” he asked through the food in his mouth. “Rom-com, drama, thriller, mystery, fantasy? Or maybe a documentary?”

They eventually decided on a nature documentary that detailed the evolution of the flora and fauna of the UK. Neither of them were particularly interested in it, but the cinematography was pretty, and it was something mindless for them to watch as they cuddled with each other.

Rose rested her head on his shoulder and occasionally stole bites from his pizza.

“This is number six, by the way,” James said as he absently twirled the ends of her hair around his fingers. “On that list I gave you. Netflix and chilling with you. It’s my number six favorite thing to do with you.”

Rose smiled into his chest as she let herself believe that James was sincere when he claimed he loved her company despite not having sex.

The next week passed uneventfully, and Rose took great care to try to see her life as her therapist described it. She took note of all the little ways James showed his love for her, like when he made her a cup of tea when he was getting one for himself, or when he took the girls to his dad’s on a morning she woke up with a migraine.

And she tried the positive self-talk exercise her therapist recommended. Whenever she got angry with herself for not being able to immediately calm one of her children, she took a breath and reminded herself that her kids loved her, just like she loved them, and that she was just having a bad moment or a bad day.

But she still felt like she was having more bad days than good ones, and she didn’t know how to tip the scales in the other direction, until Maggie brought up a point Rose hadn’t even thought about.

“So, I realized something last week when we were together,” Maggie said. “Is Ainsley at home all day with you and James?”

Rose furrowed her brow. “Of course. Where else would she be?”

“Daycare?” the therapist suggested.

“No,” Rose said, shaking her head. “She hasn’t gone since Christmas. That’s when baby leave kicked in for me and James, so there was no need for someone to watch her when we were going to be home.”

Maggie nodded. “Yes, that all makes sense. But you’ve said Ainsley has been acting out lately?”

“Sure,” Rose said. “But that’s just normal toddler tantrums, yeah?”

“Perhaps,” Maggie allowed. “But some of it might be from a disruption in her routine. Over the last several months, she has been trying to process the idea and arrival of a new baby. That’s a lot even for you and James to adjust to; it’s harder for a three-year-old. And you said you’d toilet trained her in that time, too? And transitioned her to a proper bed?”

Rose bit her lip as guilt started to swell up inside her. Had they tried to force too much change on Ainsley in too short a time?

“We thought keeping her home was for the best,” Rose mumbled. “We didn’t want Ainsley to get jealous that we’re home all day with the baby while she’s away at daycare. And we wanted Ainsley to bond with her sister, but it’s been hard when they’re both crying all the time.”

“I know,” Maggie said sympathetically. “And believe me, I know it would make logical sense for you and James to want to keep her home with you. But three-year-olds take a lot of work, and that’s on top of the work a newborn takes. You said at our last appointment that you didn’t feel like you were properly bonding with Sianin?”

Rose nodded, as more guilt overcame her. “Yeah. I just want to have a bond like the one I have with Ainsley, but I’m getting scared that I’m running out of time to make that bond, and that I’ll never feel properly attached to Sianin, or vice versa.”

“Tell me about your bonding time with Ainsley,” Maggie suggested.

“You mean Sianin,” Rose said.

But the therapist shook her head. “No, no. With Ainsley. After she was born. How did you bond with her?”

Rose furrowed her brow. “I guess the same ways I’m trying with Sianin. James and I would hold her as often as we could, and keep her with us in whatever room we happened to be in. We took her on errands with us and read to her. I don’t know. It just happened.”

“Can you think of what’s different from your bonding experience with Ainsley versus your experience with Sianin?” Maggie asked.

Rose chewed on her lip as she thought. She was trying the same things with Sianin. She tried to hold the baby whenever she could, but usually Ainsley…

“Ainsley,” Rose blurted out. “It’s Ainsley.”

“What about Ainsley?”

“James and I are constantly drawn away from Sianin because Ainsley wants us,” Rose said. She cast her eyes downward. “I can’t blame my three-year-old for my lack of feelings towards my baby.”

“Sure you can,” Maggie argued.

“Don’t you dare,” Rose snapped. “We’re trying to make sure Ainsley doesn’t feel overshadowed by her sister, but we’re obviously failing in that regard if she feels starved for our attention.”

“And what about Sianin?” Maggie prompted.

“What about Sianin?”

“Is she being overshadowed by her sister?” Maggie asked. When Rose blinked at her, she continued, “You’re trying so hard to make sure Ainsley doesn’t feel left out, but you might be trying too hard. Because she’s home with you, she has the opportunity to ask for your attention as often as she wants it. And because you’re conscientious about not making her feel like she’s coming second, you’re unwittingly putting her first to make sure it doesn’t happen.”

There was a long moment of silence as Rose processed Maggie’s words. To her surprise, they didn’t make her feel guilty—well, no more than she had before. Instead, it was like a puzzle piece falling into place. She had been expecting everything about Sianin’s infancy to be just like Ainsley’s, forgetting the fundamental difference that Ainsley was there now, too. If she could have alone time with Sianin like she’d had with Ainsley…

“Maybe you should try to ease Ainsley back into daycare,” Maggie suggested, putting a voice to the idea Rose had been entertaining. “That way she won’t be as traumatized when she has to go back when James goes back to work. It will also free up some time for you and James to take care of things around the house, and to give your baby the undivided attention she hasn’t been getting. Then, when Ainsley comes home from daycare, the time she spends with you, James, and the baby will feel more special because evenings are now family time, rather than having the whole day be family time. I know you all love each other, but it just isn’t feasible or even healthy for you all to spend every waking minute with each other. You all need your own lives outside of each other; going back to work will help with that.”

Rose was quiet when she got home from her appointment, but she didn’t seem upset like she had last week. Several times during dinner, James caught her staring off into space with a contemplative look on her face.

He knew that look. Rose had an idea, but she was considering all the angles before mentioning it to him. He wanted to ask her about it, but he knew from experience that being questioned before she was ready would only annoy her.

So he stayed quiet and let her think, and tried to quietly show his support as the night wore on and she was still subdued.

His patience paid off that evening. When Rose crawled into bed after washing her face, the contemplative look was gone, and in its place was a look of determination.

“Maggie made a suggestion for us,” Rose murmured, rolling onto her side to look at him.

“Yeah?” he asked, rolling to mirror her position.

“She… she recommended we put Ainsley back into daycare,” Rose said, biting her lip.

James furrowed his brows. “But why? We’re both off work, so we don’t need anyone to watch her.”

“Well, we sort of uprooted her entire daily routine though,” Rose argued. “In addition to all of the changes in routine that come with a newborn, we’ve yanked her out of the stability she was getting at daycare, and all the friends she was making. Besides, it means we’ll be less overwhelmed. Hopefully that will help us all get better, because you can’t tell me Ainsley has been acting herself lately, can you?”

Guilt swelled up in James. He’d wanted Ainsley at home so she could bond with her sister, and because he loved spending time with her. But thinking back on the last two months, Ainsley hadn’t been in the best of moods. Was that their fault for taking away the only stable constant in her life?

“Don’t,” Rose said gently, cupping his cheek. “You’re blaming yourself, now, aren’t you?”

“Well,” he said with a sniff. “I was blaming  _us_ , so you too.”

Rose smirked and rolled her eyes. She pecked a kiss to his lips and settled herself against his chest again.

“Just think about it?” Rose requested.

The following morning, after Ainsley threw a tantrum because he was doing the dishes while Rose was changing Sianin’s nappy, James admitted that it might be best if Ainsley went back to daycare.

“Just in the mornings to start, yeah?” he verified. As much as he wanted some peaceful time alone with just Rose and Sianin, he also loved having his oldest daughter home more often.

“Yeah, just mornings,” Rose confirmed. “I’ll call the daycare and make the arrangements.”

Ainsley’s first day back at daycare was even worse than the very first time James and Rose had dropped her off. She screamed and cried and begged them to take her home, and the distress in her voice was almost enough to make them relent and take her home again. But they both stayed firm in their decision, and they gave her an extra long, extra tight hug and promised to pick her up that afternoon before they turned and left.

“She’ll be okay, won’t she?” Rose asked worriedly, having burst into tears the moment they reached the car.

“Yeah, she’ll be fine,” James answered, tugging Rose into his arms. “She’ll adjust. Again. We never should have taken her out of daycare to begin with. But at least we’ll know for next time.”

Rose snorted. “Next time?”

James pressed a kiss to her forehead and said, “‘Next time’ meaning the next time we’re both off work for an extended period of time. I’ll be eligible for a sabbatical at some point, after all.”

Rose nodded, relieved he hadn’t just assumed they’d have more kids. But now that the idea had been planted, she couldn’t get rid of it, and finally she asked, “Do you want more kids?” She couldn’t imagine them ever falling into a routine with two kids, let alone three.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I’m still adapting to the two we have. Let’s revisit this conversation in a few years, eh?”

Rose nodded, and let James usher her into their car to drive home.

While they missed Ainsley terribly while she was away at daycare, they both found that they were more at ease. They hadn’t realized exactly how much time and effort Ainsley was taking up, and they used that time and energy to keep up on the housework and to run the errands they’d been putting off because neither of them wanted to leave the other with two kids to look after.

And more importantly, they found they had more time to spend with their baby now that they weren’t chasing a three-year-old around.

James came home one morning from dropping Ainsley off at daycare to see Rose in their bed playing with Sianin. Rose had her legs up in the air with the baby’s belly balanced on her feet as she supported the baby’s chest, and James watched with a smile as Rose slowly flew their daughter through the air.

“Uh oh!” Rose gasped, taking the baby off her feet to bring her to her chest. “We’re crash-landing!”

Sianin squealed loudly as Rose hugged her and blew raspberries into her neck. Rose spotted James leaning against the door frame, and she beckoned him into the room.

“How was she?” Rose asked, sitting up to lean back against the headboard.

“Great,” he said. “I barely got a hug and kiss goodbye before she ran off to play.” He held up the decaf latte he’d gotten at her favorite coffee shop. “Come sit with me in the living room so we can all cuddle together.”

“I’ll go anywhere with you if you keep bringing me my latte,” Rose teased, rolling out of bed.

James laughed at her, then handed her the drink with a kiss to the forehead for both her and the baby. He led the way to the living room, and he plopped down onto the sofa and grabbed his own coffee from the end table.

“So, there’s something we’ve been sorely failing at,” James said when Rose was tucked into his side with Sianin in her lap.

Rose snorted. “Ah, I knew it was too good to be true. What have we failed at now?”

James rolled his eyes, but he reached down and retrieved the photo album Rose had given to him to announce her pregnancy. He opened it, and flipped to the page they’d left off on. All the photos were of Sianin as a newborn.

“We’ve really dropped the ball with Sianin,” James said softly. “That’s not fair to her. I don’t want her to grow up and look back on her baby book and realize we didn’t do one for her like we did for Ainsley.”

“Yeah,” Rose whispered, glancing down at the twelve-week-old baby in her lap. “Yeah, you’re right.”

After making a vow to each other to never put one child ahead of the other, they both began working together to put together Sianin’s baby book. Rose downloaded all of the photos of their daughter they had on their phones and camera onto her laptop, and she and James scrolled through them all to find their favorites to print out. Rose also picked up her drawing tablet for the first time since giving birth, and she worked on making digital art renderings of some of the photos, as well as original drawings of their baby, and of her family.

Rose stopped in at her work with Sianin in tow, both so she could introduce Sianin to her colleagues, and to print out the photos she and James wanted. Everyone in the office fawned over Sianin and about how radiant Rose looked.

She grinned at the compliment, for the first time since giving birth feeling the joy a new baby brought.

When she returned home, she and James spent the rest of the morning adding photographs to Sianin’s baby book until they were satisfied they’d documented every stage their baby had gone through so far.

The following day, Rose spent her time redecorating the house: she rearranged the family photos on the walls to include its newest member. Going around the house and adding more photos of her family made Rose feel more like herself than she had in months. Art had always been her favorite way of showing her family how much she loved them. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed it, but she was so glad that she was getting back into it.

oOoOo

While Rose still didn’t feel like having sex, she was very much enjoying getting James off whenever she noticed he was horny. She would often make good use of his morning stiffie, or she would surprise him in the shower when she heard him pleasuring himself, or she would give him a hand whenever their snogging sessions turned more heated.

This routine continued for a few weeks before James admitted to her one night that it made him feel guilty.

“Why?” Rose asked curiously.

“I dunno,” he mumbled, scrubbing his hands across his heated face. “It’s just… I feel like I’m being selfish. You don’t want sex or for me to touch you… But I’m making you touch me…”

“Okay, first off, you’re not making me touch you,” Rose said firmly, making sure to look him in the eye. “Okay? I want to touch you. I want to make you feel good. Secondly, you’re not being selfish. I  _want_  to touch you. You can’t be calling yourself selfish when I’m willingly feeling you up.”

James shrugged and averted his gaze.

“You know, most blokes are thrilled with getting a hand or blow job regularly,” Rose drawled, trying to work him through his hang-ups.

“I’m not most blokes,” James sniffed. “I want to make my wife feel good, too.”

“You do make me feel good, James,” she assured. “Just because I’m not ready for proper sex again doesn’t mean I can’t have fun making you come.” When he stayed quiet, she asked, “Do you want me to stop touching you?”

James shrugged again and Rose could see the conflict in his face. Her heart ached for him as she realized how hard this was for him. He was one of the most selfless people she knew, and she couldn’t imagine how hard it was for him to keep asking for something he wanted—and she knew he wanted it—when he thought he was being selfish.

“James, look at me,” Rose whispered, reaching up to cradle his cheeks. “It’s okay if you still want me to touch you. I promise. I’m not getting angry or bored or annoyed or anything else you might be thinking in that big, daft brain of yours.”

A ghost of a smile crossed his lips, and Rose beamed.

“Okay,” he said.

“So is it okay if we continue as we have been?” Rose asked.

“Yeah,” he finally admitted softly.

“Good,” Rose said, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips. “Believe me when I say I’m having fun with it.”

oOoOo

As the summer marched on, James and Rose found themselves getting back to their life as it was before Sianin was born. Ainsley adored going to daycare, James was getting excited to go back to work, and Rose found the confidence she’d lost over the last few months. She no longer panicked when she was left alone with the girls while James ran errands, and she found she enjoyed the one-on-one time with her children.

But there was still one more hurdle to overcome before they could truly be back to their regular lives.

Rose asked Robert and Jackie to take the girls for a night, and she arranged a date night out for her and James. She loved spending time with their girls, but she missed having uninterrupted time with her husband. She didn’t want to become a family that revolved so much around their children that they let their marriage wither.

She made reservations for their favorite restaurant and bought tickets to a play that was going on at the local theater, and took him on a date to thank him for being so fantastic these last few months.

“Oh, you don’t need to thank me,” he’d chastised. “I love you more than life itself, and it has killed me to see you doing so poorly. Believe me, it was the least I could do to help you feel better again.”

“Still,” Rose said. “Even if you don’t think I need to thank you, I wanted to do this for you. For  _us_.”

He smiled at her and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. She deepened the kiss by wrapping her hand around the nape of his neck and angling her head to the side so his bottom lip slotted between her lips. He gasped, and the sound coupled with her plans for the rest of their evening sent her belly swooping, and she had to ease them out of the kiss before she dragged him home. Instead, she tucked his hand into hers, and leaned back as the theater lights began to dim.

When they got home that night, James bounded to the living room to see what sort of film she wanted to watch.

“No kids!” he crowed. “Which means no Disney! Ha!”

“Actually…” Rose bit her lip as she steeled herself for her next sentence. It wasn’t that she was unsure, but she was nervous. After almost five months of not making love with her soulmate, she found herself unsure of how to proceed. “Actually, I was thinking we could go to bed? And maybe see what happens?”

James blinked at her.

“Are-are you sure?” he asked, his voice going raspy.

Rose shrugged. “I don’t know. I want to say yes, because right now I want to. But I won’t know until we get started. If you don’t want to…”

“No, I do,” he said immediately. “But I don’t want to force you into anything.”

“You aren’t,” she promised. “I want to try it. Please?”

He smiled and nodded, and together they made their way to their bedroom.

They spent a long time kissing each other and exploring each other’s bodies. James especially. He delighted in kissing every inch of her skin and touching her in all the ways he hadn’t since March.

“Still okay?” he asked from between her thighs as he pressed barely-there kisses to her inner thighs.

“Oh, yes,” she sighed, enjoying the hot, heavy ache low in her gut. “This is so good, James.”

“But I haven’t even started,” he whispered, flashing her a filthy grin before he licked a long line through her folds.

The sounds of pleasure she let out made bolts of happiness and pleasure zing down James’s spine. He’d missed making love to his wife, but he knew how important it was for her and for them to wait until she was one-hundred percent ready to resume physical intimacy.

The wait had been well worth it, and James delighted in drawing the sweetest moans from her, loving the way they became breathier and more urgent as he worked her higher in her pleasure. His hand found hers fisted in the sheets, and he tangled their fingers together as he licked, and sucked, and kissed her.

She whimpered his name as her grip around his hand tightened, and James moaned against her as she tipped over in pleasure. Her thighs quivered and her back arched as she lost herself to her orgasm, and James thought his heart might burst with love, and with how beautiful she looked in that moment.

He pressed a parting kiss to her curls before he crawled his way up her body and curled himself around her. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her hair was tangled where it rested against her pillow, and when her eyes opened, they were dark and bleary with pleasure.

“That was so good,” she sighed, exhaling raggedly. “So good. Really good. Very, very good.”

“I take it that was good?” he teased, nuzzling his nose into her hair.

“I mean, I guess it was all right,” she said, grinning sleepily. She then turned her head and pressed a line of kisses across his jaw. “That was really wonderful, James. Thank you.”

“Anytime, my love,” he murmured. He wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her flush against him as he caught her lips in a sweet and tender kiss. “Do you want to keep going?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she replied, settling on her back and nudging him to get him to crawl on top of her.

“Okay,” he whispered, trailing his lips across her collarbone. “But if you want to stop at any time, please tell me. I won’t be upset.”

“I know,” she said, lazily stroking her fingers through his hair. “But I really want to keep going.”

James nodded, and continued to press kisses across her chest. He tentatively dropped his hips until his cock was nestled against her curls, and he slowly rubbed himself through her.

“Is this all right?” he asked, glancing up.

“James, assume that everything you do is all right,” Rose said, meeting his gaze. “And I promise you that I will tell you if you ever do something that is not all right. Okay?”

James nodded, and he continued to leisurely rock against her as he leaned up to catch her lips in for a kiss. He sighed against her mouth as their lips and tongue met again and again, and as their fingers wandered across each other’s skin. He shivered as she raked her nails across his back, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

He’d learned from last time to not play with her boobs unless he wanted a faceful of breastmilk, and so he used this as an opportunity to play with her other erogenous zones. She moaned and writhed beneath him as he fondled her arse and as he nibbled at the sensitive patch of skin where her neck met her shoulder.

“James,” she said breathlessly after many long minutes of giving each other tender kisses and touches. “I’m ready. Get inside me.”

He shivered at the command, and he nodded before fumbling at their bedside table for a condom. He made quick work of getting it on and squirting lube on his cock before settling himself against her.

“Ready?” he asked, slowly rubbing himself through her as he leaned down to press small kisses across her neck.

“Yes,” she sighed, arching her hips into him.

He lined himself up and slowly pressed inside of her, keeping a careful eye on her face to watch for any discomfort. But to his relief, her eyes fluttered shut in pleasure and her whole face went lax.

“Good?” he asked when he was seated as far as he could go.

“Yep,” she sighed, and she hooked her thighs around his hips. “You can move.”

He nodded and set up a slow rhythm that sent gentle sparks of pleasure through them. He buried his face into her neck as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, letting his mind go blank of anything by the feel of being surrounded by his wife. The feel of her skin sliding against his and the sound of her soft gasps of pleasure made him dizzy with love, and intensified his own pleasure.

Her hair tickled his nose as he nuzzled further into her neck, picking up the pace. Rose moaned in approval, and her fingernails dug into his lower back as she thrust up and met his rhythm.

Their steady movements against each other soon turned frantic and uncoordinated as they both worked to reach their peak. James heard and felt Rose find completion just seconds before he found his, and he shuddered in her arms as his pleasure overwhelmed him.

James panted against her skin, groaning as aftershocks of pleasure rippled through him. But the warm, sated drowsiness he felt disappeared when he heard Rose swallow back a sob.

“Rose?” he asked, lifting himself off of her. “Oh, God. I’m sorry. Are you okay? What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“No, no,” she choked out. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, tugging to get him to lay on top of her. “I’m fine. I’m really okay. I promise. I’m so happy right now. I’m so, so happy.”

James smiled down at Rose, finally realizing she was crying happy tears. He pressed a kiss to her cheeks, then to her lips.

“I love you so much,” he whispered, looking down into the beautiful face of his wife.

Rose beamed up at him through her tears. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged, pulling him down on top of her.

“I love you, too.”

oOoOo

Rose was in the kitchen washing dishes when she heard the word every parent of a toddler dreads: “Oops.”

She looked towards the living room, but all was silent, which really didn’t bode well after the “oops.”

“Ainsley?” she called.

“It broke!”

Rose closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, wondering what her three-year-old could have broken. She dried her hands on a towel and stepped into the living room to see Ainsley standing in the middle of the room. She was ringing her hands in front of her as she looked down at the floor and at the pieces that once used to be James’s glasses.

“Oh, no,” Rose murmured, walking up to Ainsley to inspect the damage. One of the lenses was in three pieces on the floor, one of the legs was bent and barely hanging on by its screw, and the bridge of the nose was cracked.

“It was an accident!” Ainsley said, looking upset.

“I believe you,” Rose said. “You’re not in trouble, Ainsley. Can you tell me how they broke?”

“Was wearing ‘em like Daddy,” Ainsley said, still not meeting Rose’s eye. “They fell off, then I stepped on ‘em.”

“You stepped on them?” Rose asked, glancing at the shards of the lenses on the floor. “Did you hurt yourself? Let Mummy see your feet, Ainsley.”

“No, I’m not hurt,” Ainsley said, even as she rested her hands on Rose’s shoulders for balance as she lifted one foot, then the other.

When Rose was satisfied that Ainsley didn’t step on any sharp bits from the glasses, she said, “You shouldn’t have been playing with those.”

“It was an accident!” Ainsley sobbed.

“Hey, hey, I know it was,” Rose said, setting her hands on Ainsley’s shoulders when they started shaking as she cried. “Ainsley. Ainsley, look at me.” Rose waited until Ainsley glanced up at her, and she cradled Ainsley’s cheeks in her palms. “I know you didn’t mean to break them. Accidents happen all the time. But you shouldn’t have been playing with them. They’re not a toy, okay? Those belong to Daddy.”

“I’m sorry,” Ainsley said miserably.

“You’ll have to apologize to Daddy, too,” Rose said, carefully picking up the pieces of his glasses.

“Okay,” Ainsley said morosely.

“C’mon, why don’t you help me in the kitchen,” Rose suggested. “I’m about to start on dessert and I need a big helper.”

Ainsley’s mood brightened, and she trotted into the kitchen after her mum.

Just as they were about to take the cake out of the oven, the back door opened. James, smelling of petrol and grass, gingerly walked into the kitchen, trying to keep the dirt and grass from falling off of his legs and onto the floor.

“Smells great in here!” he enthused as he walked to the fridge for a bottle of water. He downed it all at once and turned to look at what Rose was taking out of the oven. “Ooh, chocolate peanut butter chip! Yum!”

“Go get washed up,” Rose said, shooing him out of the kitchen. “I’m about to put dinner in.”

After James wandered down the hall to take a shower, Rose convinced Ainsley to play alone in the living room until dinner.

“We can’t have cake tonight unless you let Mummy frost it,” Rose said when Ainsley pouted. The threat of no cake was enough to convince the little girl, and Ainsley trotted off into the living room to amuse herself until it was time to eat.

Alone in the kitchen, Rose slid the roast beef into the oven. She then made the whipped peanut butter frosting so it would be ready as soon as the cake cooled. With everything done, she reached for the magazine that had come in that day’s post.

She’d gotten so engrossed in reading an article featuring a new model of camera that she hadn’t realized James had finished with his shower.

He stepped up behind Rose and wrapped her in a tight hug, startling her. She squeaked and jumped, then elbowed him in the gut.

“You git!” she giggled as he blew raspberries into her neck.

“Your git!” he hummed happily.

He glanced down at the magazine she was looking through, and squinted as he tried to make out the tiny font. He let go of her and trekked into the home office, where he was sure he’d left his glasses, but they weren’t there. He frowned, and traipsed around the house, checking the usual places he threw his glasses. When the bedroom and living room both turned up empty, he returned to Rose.

“Help an old man out.” James grimaced. “Can you remember where I left my glasses?”

Rose winced and said, “Yeah, about that… Ainsley, sweetheart, can you come here a mo’?”

James furrowed his brow as Ainsley was summoned into the room.

“Sweetheart, remember there was something you wanted to tell Daddy?” Rose said, picking Ainsley up to set her on the kitchen island.

Ainsley dropped her head to stare at her feet.

“What’s up, darling?” James asked covering her thighs with his hands.

She mumbled something under her breath and swung her legs back and forth.

“What was that?” James asked, ducking his head to try and catch her eye.

“I broke your glasses,” she murmured. “Sorry. It was an accident.”

“She got a little exuberant during play time,” Rose sighed. “Sorry, love. I should’ve been watching.”

“Right,” James said. “Well, I’ve been wanting new frames for awhile now. I guess this gives me an excuse to get them.”

The following afternoon found James at the optometrists, browsing for a new pair of specs. He meandered along the various displays of glasses frames, trying some on every now and then.

When he took off the latest pair, he saw a flash of blue on his arm. Squinting, he brought his forearm up to his nose to read her message.

_How’s it going?_

Not wanting to get a headache from trying to write on his arms without glasses, James instead replaced the frames onto his nose, took out his phone, and took a picture of himself. He sent the photo to Rose, then tried on a new pair.

As he modeled each pair, he sent a new photo to Rose, wanting her opinion. She’d thought he looked sexy while wearing his old glasses, and he wanted her approval of the new pair.

His phone chirped in the tone for a FaceTime call, and he beamed as he answered the video call.

“Hello, sexy,” she purred as soon as her face appeared on the screen.

James giggled. “So what do you think? Are any of those good enough to become the new sexy specs?”

“I liked the ones from the third photo you sent,” Rose said. “The square-rimmed black ones.”

James looked at the table of frames he’d already tried on, and picked up the pair he thought she was referring to. He slipped them onto his nose, and delighted when he saw her biting her lip.

“Oh, yes,” she whispered. “Those are it.”

James licked his lips at the sultry note in her voice, but he jumped in surprise when a voice behind him said, “Are you finding everything all right?”

“Ehm, yes, yup!” he said, ignoring Rose’s giggle. He wiggled his phone at the optometrist. “Just getting my wife’s help picking the frames.”

“You’re giving your wife vertigo, shaking your phone like that,” Rose drawled.

James’s ears went hot. “Oops, sorry love. Thanks for your help. I’ll see you when I get home.”

He signed off the video call with Rose, then made his order for the new frames, not minding about spending a few extra pounds for expedited processing so the glasses would be ready within two business days.

He waited impatiently for his new glasses to arrive; it was getting annoying to have to squint and hold everything an inch in front of his face whenever he wanted to read something. Thankfully all of Ainsley’s books were printed in such a large font that he didn’t have any trouble reading the ones he didn’t already have memorized.

Finally, James received a call saying his new glasses were ready, and he eagerly picked them up on his way home from a shopping trip. He came home and saw Rose sitting on the couch with Ainsley in her lap and Sianin in Ainsley’s lap. He smiled at them, and quickly took his phone out of his pocket to snap a photo of them before they moved.

He hurriedly put the supplies away before making his way to the living room, his new glasses in his shirt pocket.

“I’ve got a surprise for you,” he whispered in Rose’s ear. He whipped his new glasses out of his pocket with a flourish, and settled them on his face, delighting in her quickly drawn breath and the way her pupils dilated.

“Daddy! I like your glasses!”

James turned his attention to his eldest, and he grinned. “Why thank you! You’re not going to play with these, right?”

“Nope,” she said solemnly. “I promise.”

“Excellent,” he said, walking around the couch to plop into the seat beside Rose. “Can Daddy take Sianin, Ainsley?”

Ainsley nodded, and James tugged his baby into his arms.

“Hiya, darling!” he exclaimed, lifting her above his head to zoom her around in small circles.

She giggled at him and bounced in his hands, before a spot of drool splashed onto his forehead.

“I love you, too,” he drawled.

Rose laughed at him and reached over to wipe the spittle off of his face. She rested her hand on his thigh, then watched as Sianin became enraptured by her wedding and engagement rings. The baby cooed and reached for the rings. She touched her fat little fingers to Rose’s engagement ring, and gasped when it pivoted around Rose’s fingers. Rose used her thumb to spin the rings around her finger, drawing an excited shriek from Sianin and laughs from both James and Ainsley.

Warmth blossomed in Rose’s heart at the sight and sound of her family’s happiness. Four months ago, if someone had told her she would one day feel nothing but love and joy for herself and her family, Rose would’ve laughed at them; her spiraling state of depression had made her utterly hopeless that she would ever find her way out of the darkness.

But now, sitting with her family, that darkness felt like nothing more than a bad dream. A recent bad dream, as there were still days Rose got overwhelmed and got lost in the negativity, but those days were thankfully few and far between.

She felt James’s lips press against her temple then move to her ear as he whispered, “Penny for them.”

“I just… I love you all,” she said simply. James’s eyes sparkled behind his new sexy specs as he beamed at her. She bit her lip and rested her arm on the back of the sofa and idly played with his hair as she leaned over and whispered, “And I might be plotting a special surprise for you later tonight.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Oh?”

“Yep,” she whispered, popping the ‘p’. “That surprise might involve those specs of yours… And very little else.”

James let out a squeak as he blinked rapidly for a few seconds. Rose laughed at his daft expression, and she leaned over and pressed a firm kiss to his lips.

“Later,” she promised with a wink.

James nodded and scooted closer to her to wrap his arm around her shoulders. He nuzzled his cheek into her hair and whispered, “I can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short epilogue is all that's left! That'll be up next weekend (which is also the one-year anniversary of the day I first started posting Perfect Match).


	7. Epilogue

Over the coming months, James and Rose fell more completely back into their daily routines, pre-baby. James went back to work in August, and while he missed his time with Rose and Sianin throughout the day, he was happy to be back at the job he loved. Rose, meanwhile, enjoyed having one-on-one time with her baby.

James and Rose—with Sianin in tow—went out to lunch together weekly, and James and Rose—alone—made sure to take at least one weekend per month to themselves and go out on dates and have uninterrupted time together.

While things were mostly going well, they did have a few minor setbacks. There was a day when Sianin simply wouldn’t stop crying for Rose, and James had come home with Ainsley to find both Rose and Sianin crying on the couch. But they’d found out the following day, when they took the baby to the doctor for her high fever and loss of appetite, that she had developed an ear infection.

Then there had been the day that James had been alone with the girls, and he had turned his back for one second to clean up the dishes from breakfast, but it had been enough time for Ainsley to try to share some of her cereal with her baby sister. That had been one of the scariest days of James’s life when he spinned ‘round at Ainsley’s screams and saw his seven-month-old turning blue at the lips. He had gotten her breathing again within seconds, but James had taken quite the confidence hit, and he’d broken down to Rose that night when the girls were in bed.

“Our baby almost died and it would’ve been my fault!” he’d cried, still feeling the raw terror bleeding through from his memories. “My fault!”

“No, love,” Rose said gently. “Nothing happened. She’s fine. Everyone is fine. You helped her, James. You saved her. She is perfectly healthy.”

It had still taken James a few weeks to be comfortable with being alone with both kids at once, but he eventually worked through his fears of failure.

They spent Christmas in Scotland as usual, and they met Donna’s new boyfriend, Lee, and Mickey’s new girlfriend, Martha.

Then after the holidays, Rose eased herself back into her work. She started with half-days, and because he was still off on winter break, James stayed home with Sianin so he could soothe Rose’s separation anxieties and ease them all into the transition of Rose being back at work full time, and Sianin being at daycare with Ainsley full time.

Soon, they were rapidly approaching their baby’s first birthday, and James and Rose were amazed that their daughter had been in their lives with them for a full year.

Sianin seemed to have fun at her birthday party. As much fun as a one-year-old could have, that is. She enjoyed the cake—and smearing it messily across her face in an attempt to feed herself—but she was more or less indifferent to the attention and the gifts. Instead, she mostly wanted to follow Ainsley around all day. Sianin had just begun taking her first steps a few days before her first birthday, and Ainsley took it upon herself to help her sister master the skill of walking.

It melted James’s and Rose’s heart to see their two daughters getting along so well. Ainsley was utterly in love with Sianin, and she loved helping her parents take care of the baby. Sianin simply adored Ainsley back, and had been following her big sister around ever since she’d become mobile.

As James watched Rose braid Ainsley’s hair as Ainsley read one of Sianin’s baby books to her, he thought he had never felt happier or more complete.

Until Rose came to him one night at the beginning of June with a bit of news.

“I think I might be pregnant,” Rose admitted after she and James put their daughters to bed.

“You… what?” James squeaked, sure he must have misheard her.

“Yeah,” Rose sighed, leaning up against him. “My period is over a week late. And I’ve been feeling run down lately.”

“Have you taken a test?” James asked, feeling an odd ringing in his ears.

“No, but I picked some up after work,” Rose said. “Haven’t had the courage to take them yet.”

“Why?” James asked gently. “No matter what it says, we’ll deal with it together.”

“I’ll take one in the morning,” Rose promised.

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes before Rose murmured, “I’m not sure how it would even have happened. We’ve been so careful.”

“Well, no birth control is ever one-hundred percent effective,” James mused. “There’s always a small margin of error. I guess we’ve fallen into that small margin. If you’re pregnant, that is.”

James tucked his arm around her shoulders and rested his cheek on the top of her head as he tried to imagine them with a new baby. Sianin was barely a year old; it seemed like they just went through a pregnancy, and here they were, potentially facing another one.

He worried about how they would handle three small children when they’d struggled so much for the first few months after Sianin was born. And he worried about Rose, and how she would handle another pregnancy and birth; he didn’t think he could bear to see her go through so much pain—physical or emotional—again.

But despite all of his fears and concerns, an all-encompassing warmth overtook James at the idea of having made another baby with Rose. Even though it wasn’t planned, he couldn’t feel anything other than happiness and excitement. There was nothing he loved in the universe more than his family, and any addition to it would be a loved and welcomed one.

They’d probably need to invest in a new home, he mused. The three bedrooms of their house were already in full use. Though they might be able to renovate… The room where they did their laundry could function as a new nursery or a bedroom for Ainsley or Sianin. Or even the home office.

He smiled happily and pressed a kiss to Rose’s hair as he began planning out everything they would need to get their home and themselves ready for a new baby.

The following morning, James awoke alone. He glanced at the clock, and noted that Ainsley and Sianin would probably be awake soon. Unless that’s where Rose was.

But as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, he saw the door to their bathroom was closed. His heart skipped in his chest as he remembered Rose was going to take the pregnancy test that morning.

Feeling confident about the outcome of the test, James waited excitedly at the foot of their bed for Rose to come out and share the good news.

But his heart plummeted into his gut when Rose retreated from the loo looking crestfallen and morose. Was she not happy about the pregnancy? Of course she wasn’t. Why would she be? With how much she had struggled after their last one, of course she wouldn’t want to do it all over again so soon.

“Rose, love, what’s wrong?” he asked through the hard knot in his chest.

Rose looked up at him and blinked before her face crumpled. James stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her as her body shook with suppressed sobs.

“It came back negative,” she cried, holding him desperately. “I thought for sure I was… And I was so excited! But we’re not!”

A sob tore up her throat, and James felt like all the breath had been knocked from his lungs. He had been sure— _so sure_ —that he and Rose were pregnant again. He’d known it deep in his bones. Yet here she was, telling him that they were not having another baby.

But oh, how he wanted one.

“Are you sure?” he whispered numbly.

Rose pushed away from him and instead hugged an arm around her waist as she pressed her other hand into her eyes.

“No, I figured I would take one test and accept that it was telling me I’m not pregnant and then come cry out here to you!” she snapped, her voice sounding strangled. “I took four bloody tests! All bloody negative! Yes, I’m bloody sure, James!”

The agony in her voice cut him to the quick, and he pulled her back into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m…”

His breath hitched in his lungs as his eyes started to burn. He squeezed her tighter and buried his face into her hair as he tried to process his situation.

“I wanted so badly for you to be pregnant,” he rasped, his jaw aching as he swallowed down his grief. “I really, really did.”

“Me too,” Rose whimpered. “I didn’t realize how much I wanted it.”

James inhaled a shuddering breath and he leaned back to look at her. He cupped his hands around her cheeks, and upon seeing his surely red eyes, Rose caressed his cheeks too.

“We can try for a baby,” he promised. “If we both want it, we can try for a baby.”

Rose leaned her head into his hands. “Yeah, okay.” She closed her eyes and nuzzled into his palms as she whispered, “I didn’t think I’d be ready for another one so soon. But this… How I feel…” She sniffled and nodded. “Let’s try for another baby.”

James leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead, and then to both cheeks, then to the tip of her nose, before he finally slotted his lips against hers. The kiss was soft and tender, and tasted salty from their tears.

“I was imagining us with a new baby all last night,” he admitted quietly, resting his forehead against hers.

“So was I,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, James.”

“S’not your fault,” he murmured.

“You’re hurting and disappointed,” she said gently. “And it’s no one’s fault, but I’ll always feel sorry about you hurting.”

James sniffed and gave her a weak smile, before he slipped past her to use the loo and take a shower. With the hot water pelting around him, James gave into the heartache and loss he was feeling, and he grieved for the idea of a child that didn’t exist.

He felt a little better after his shower, and when he joined his family in the kitchen, he was so overcome with joy and love for the children that he and Rose did have that any lingering hurt was soon overshadowed. He was already so lucky to have a soulmate and two beautiful little girls he’d made with his best friend. It was more luck than others could claim, and he suddenly had a greater appreciation and sympathy for his mum and dad, and all of the struggles they had with making a family.

“Morning, Daddy!” Ainsley said, looking up from where she was seated on the countertop, stirring a bowl for Rose.

“Good morning, my darling,” he said, sweeping up to her to press a kiss to her hair. “What are you and Mummy making?”

“Pancakes! Banana pancakes for you an’ me, boring pancakes for Mummy,” Ainsley said excitedly, giggling as James stuck a finger into the batter and tasted it.

“Oi, there’s raw egg in there,” Rose chastised, keeping an eye on the sausages she was cooking.

“I’ll take my chances,” James said with a shrug. Then he walked over to the high chair Sianin was sitting in, munching on her own breakfast of scrambled eggs and dry cereal. “Oh, doesn’t that look like a yummy breakfast combination!”

“Dada!” Sianin bounced happily in her seat as she shoved a fistful of eggs into her mouth.

“Love you, Sianin,” he whispered, finding a food-free part of her head and pressing a kiss to it.

He returned to the stove, where Rose was simultaneously trying to cook sausages and pancakes while making sure Ainsley didn’t burn herself.

“I can take over here,” he said, shooing her away from the pancake pan. “Ainsley and I have got this under control. Ready to flip them, darling?”

“Yeah!”

Ainsley watched as James expertly slipped a spatula under the bubbling pancake and flipped it, revealing the golden-brown cooked side.

Several minutes later, they were all sitting down at the kitchen table with steaming plates of food and their breakfast beverage of choice. Rose scooted her chair closer to James’s, and she rested her hand on his thigh. He smiled softly at her, and felt her give his leg a squeeze before she pulled it away to start on her breakfast.

Glancing around the table at his family, James felt nothing but warmth, happiness, and love. Yes, his family was perfect as it was, but hopefully soon, it would be one member larger.

With that optimistic and cheerful thought, James tucked into his breakfast with gusto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Thanks for reading, and a special thanks to everyone who commented!
> 
> Also, it has officially been one year since I posted the first chapter of Perfect Match! Woo!!


End file.
